I just want to be at home! Why can't I?

Jody - posted on 02/28/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Help! I am a SAHM for 7 years. I have a high school son that is in a very expensive private college prep school. I have a second son that took the test at the private high school and found out he is eligible to attend the expensive high

School in the fall. I then have a 2nd grader. Our family has had things very well financially until about the last year. My husband is an attorney and in his own practice. He does social security/disability. Well, the government changed how they pay attorney fees and his fees were cut in half due to this change. Then what was a pretty timely payout by social security his fees have been upheld by social security and they drag out paying for months. We have struggled and been completely humbled

by this experience. Now with bill collectors calling everyday and our cabinets completely empty our house has turned upside down. When my husband went into his own practice he had no idea this would happen. I feel like I am in denial and its going to get better. He works very hard, working 14-15 hour days. He is trying very hard but it has been completely

nuts. I try to give him advice but he always says I don't know what I am talking about. He says he can't tell me what to do but I can tell he wants me to do something. I am scared and depressed. I have broken down crying to my kids and telling them what has happened. I just want to be with my kids. My 7 year old just knows that I am here after school.

That he can have play dates with his friends. I take all the kids to lots if sports activities. I fix things around the house that most people would hire out. I am tired from all this. I just want our home to be happy again. I just want to be at home with my kids. I went on line looking for jobs from your house and it is full of scams. It's ridiculous. I wish I could work out of my house for a few hours a day but I don't see anything out there like this. I keep hoping my husband will get paid and will get caught up but it's like a steam roller. I feel like I would be working to pay for the high school fees and I do not think that is fair. It was my husbands idea to send my son to the private high school.

He said at the time that I should not worry about that. Now, he comes home with fright in his eyes. He is angry most if the time. It's like a complete different person. I feel like I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am so confused. When I ask him will he be operating in the black again to cover our monthly expenses,

He does not answer. He says he feels like crying and the bills are crushing him.

I worked in the corporate world for 15 years and I cannot imagine going back and how it will change everything for my kids. It is so hard with 3 kids spanning many years. I just cannot believe this mess. I did corporate telecom sales and consulting. I just cannot imagine going back to that world.

I do not want to. I now go to get groceries and look at people's full carts of food and wish it was mine. I have never lived like this before. Worrying about food! I am lost and scared. My kids are list and scared too. We try to act like nothing is wrong but it is so hard. my kids are not used to this at all. its hard to be with our friends too. Our friends have no idea all this is happening because it is so embarrassing. i just want it to be like it was a couple of years ago. I started to look at my résumé and it just makes me cry. Just thinking about never being home for my kids. Well, if anyone has any advice I would appreciate your time and feedback.

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Sarah - posted on 02/28/2014

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This has happened to me before. I felt like it was the great depression only for just our family. I was so scared and stressed when it happened to me. One day my husband had a good job as a lawyer that paid him very well and then the next day my husband said he got a new boss who ruined everything for him and his friends who work there. I felt like it was all on me. I had to get a part time job but I had a baby at that time so half the money got spent on daycare. My children were in a Christian private school and were doing good until that happened. I had to put my kids in a public school and since my 13 yr old(she was 10 then) had always had a bad time in public schools I had to find another mom who homeschooled that I could pay to homeschool mine also. It was horrible. We kept pushing through it. Eventually we could not stand it any longer and my husband decided to quit and look for a new job. He eventually found a job as a software developer and it pays really well. Things turned back to normal for us then. I was now a stay at home mom again, my kids went back to private school besides for my oldest because she was doing really good in public schools and my home school child did not go back either because we found a good homeschooling website. My younger daughter did go back though. My baby was staying in daycare though because it was in the same building of my husband's work and he liked it there(during flu season we would keep him home). Since then me and my husband have had our last child. Talk to your husband about if this keeps happening he might have to find a new job. Also consider getting a part time job that you can still be there after school but can work in the day. I hope everything turns out for your family! I wish you the best of luck!

Sarah

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Jody - posted on 02/28/2014

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Thank you so much. It has been extremely hard. Where we live people are pretty financially sound and no one talks about these kinds of things. It was really helpful what you said. My husband had just texted me saying we just have stop saying yes to so many things and budget. We have no choice but to push forward. I just cannot believe where we are at. I know a lot of people have it a lot worse so I need to buck up! I am glad everything turned out great for you and your family. My husband has only been out on his own for a year
and I am hoping this is just part of getting a business started. Your husband was so flexible and turned the ship around. That is love for his family. I just want my husband to be happy again. He is so angry at the system. I just think a part time job while kids are in school is really hard to find. I will do it if it really comes to that but looking on line at jobs this past week has been really frustrating. There is so many scams. I hope people are not lured into all the garbage out there. Thank you for your time. It really meant a lot. I needed to vent. I hope the roads continue to rise for your family.

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