I let myself go..I think I have lost it. Help!

Adri - posted on 02/22/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a 28 year old mother of 4. Three boys 10, 6, 5, and a 3 year old girl. I am currently a stay at home mom and a student. Before I had my daughter, I worked out on a regular basis (I lost 30 pounds), dressed decent enough, styled my hair (even though I cover it-and I'm tired of that but that's another post for another time), and kept a clean mostly organized home. Between my last son and first daughter, I had been a half-time student to avoid burnout but I was required to do full time schooling to receive my grants (I can't afford to pay for school). After this, everything fell apart. I cannot seem to find time to take care of me and I feel like I have morphed into some kind of beast. I have not figured out a way to make the time to work out which has led to depression and I am heavier than I have ever been because I also stress eat. My clothes don't fit me and I have started wearing my husband's clothes around the house and sometimes in public and self-esteem is in the negative since I never had any to start with. I am buried in school work (I burned out last semester), my house is always a mess, and I can't seem to keep up with anything. Not to mention my children are constantly fighting and my husband...well he is constantly stating the obvious (which sounds like complaining but its only considered complaining if I state the obvious) and offering advice that is not really helpful, and I am depressed. He is always working and really has no idea what is going on when he isn't here. Anyhow, I know these are all problems that are a result of me letting myself go. At this point, I don't know where to start because there is so much to do. I have cut out my grotesque snacking habits which has helped me maintain a mere 5 pound weight loss and I have made attempts to work out and include the kids because they constant interrupt me any way-this was a disaster. My time during the day has to be spent doing nothing but school work before I get the boys from school or nothing gets done. My daughter is home with me and makes it impossible for me to get any school work done because she wants me to herself. I really can't get anything done when the kids are in bed because my husband is home and doesn't exactly enjoy me doing homework when he is trying to sleep. When he encourages me to do homework with him present, he keeps talking to me and it's like doing homework with kids present-I don't get anything done. I could go on for days. On a positive note, I am in my last semester of school and I am now half-time. Overall, we are in a financial crisis-no money for anything, my side of the family is completely unavailable, his side of the family can help when they aren't out of town, and this is not common but I am grateful when they help though I don't want to abuse their kindness. I just feel terrible for my husband and my kids I ruined my husband's birthday on 2/15 because I was so scatterbrained and he let me know it even though I broke my back to try to make up for it in the same day. I no longer feel appreciated; I am just not the person I used to be anymore and it is hurting everyone including myself. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. Please help-I don't think I can do this anymore.

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