I love my husband, but have next to no desire to have sex with him.

Missy - posted on 09/30/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am in the mood for sex maybe once a month. Which is completely bizarre. Because I use to be a very, very sexual person. I probably thought about it as often as the average man. But ever since I had my daughter - I'm just not the same person any more. Sex just doesn't hold that excitement. I love my husband, but when he tries to touch me in a sexual way, I recoil. I get that nasty feeling in my gut, like I'm being violated.

I thought it had to do with post baby hormones or something. Postpartum depression, maybe? I thought it would go away, and I'd be back to the sexy woman I use to be. But, my baby is almost two years old now. I've tried so many things. I've tried therapy. Had labs done. Weened her off breast feeding. Got rid of my nursing bras, bought sexy underwear. Got on depression meds (the kind that don't fool with your sex drive). Nothing yet. I miss the old me. And my husband sure as hell misses the old me. He loves me with all his heart, he would do anything for me, he constantly sacrifices for me. Rarely ever thinks of himself. The best husband I could ever, ever ask for. But I fear it's only a matter of time before he cheats. And though it would hurt, I don't think I'd blame him for it. A man who's full and satisfied will turn down even the most delicious feast, but a hungry and desperate man will dig through the trash.

I dated someone who turned me down for sex all the time, and it messed with my head and my self esteem, bad. I hate doing the same to my husband. I don't understand why this has happened to me and why I can't go back to the way I was. I try and I try, but. Nothing.

My husband is the love of my life. I've never been happier and more content and so mentally sound with anyone else, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't want to look elsewhere, I don't want to find someone who can offer me a more exciting situation, I want to stay right where I am. I've read that there MUST be some reason I don't want to have sex with him. There are things he's said and done that got to me. He informed me after my first born that he didn't want any more kids. That hurt, a lot, because I had my heart set on at least two. He's uncomfortable with infants and didn't have much to do with our daughter for her first few months. That upset me. And he griped at me for not doing more around the house when I was pregnant and sick and in pain. That sucked. And, now that I've been with him for a few years, there are things I've learned about his personality that annoy me. It bothers me how he gets around some of his friends. He gets excited and giddy like a puppy and tells the same funny stories over and over again, always with embellishments to make them more funny. The embellishments bother me because it has left me questioning every story he tells me now. How much of that really happened, and how much did you tack on to make it more interesting? He likes doing crazy crap to get a good story out of it. Which was awesome when we were younger, but now... it's like, okay. Grow up. You have a family. And he kind of embarrasses himself when he brags about doing said crazy crap to more mature people who know better. I use to love his jokes. I use to think he was so witty. And, he is. But most of the things he says he took from his more socially adept friends. I don't know. Ultimately, he use to come off as being a very confident person. Over the years I've learned that it's kind of a front. I suppose in that respect I don't see him the same way that I use to.

But, he's an absolutely amazing father and husband. He doesn't put up with my crap and he stands up for himself when I'm being unfair, which I greatly respect. He has a great sense of adventure and we go out and do fun things together and as a family whenever we get the chance. He's wonderful in bed and, when I'm not being a cow, he treats me like a queen. I love seeing him naked and I love his face. We have so much in common and every year we open each other up to new things in life. We help each other to be better people. This is a wonderful marriage. So, what is wrong with me?

I don't know what to think or what to do, and any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be immensely appreciated.

2 Comments

View replies by

S - posted on 10/04/2015

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Hey girl, please don't beat yourself up, I am medically educated, have been through several serious surgical procedures and tossed into full menopause at age31, now hold a woman's after children and menopausal support (among other serious medical personal losses,? how you see life, up to you) open learning support friends group to help others like you as I want to help you , and have been appointed, asked and knowledgeably trusted by social and medical Dr's to share, help and willingly support mom's,me a Nana so many mum's like you to get through the common feelings you have and get you through these times in a comfortable and relaxing atmosphere in trust. The best start is you showing and expressing your true thoughts, feelings and concerns, you've proven that you are trying and truly concerned. I've been there and want to help you overcome your completely natural hurdle so you can enjoy your family, time to put this behind and move on with your own life and family with no sense of burden on you.....if you allow me to clear the air, so please let me help you, I would never wish such feelings upon anyone. Im here and wanting to help you through this anytime, hope to hear from you asap, get some rest until we can talk..smile always:-D

BobbiJean - posted on 10/02/2015

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I can relate to your post, I don`t want to engage in sexual activities either. When he touches me I feel the same way you do! I read your post and their is so many similar feelings that compare to myself. In reading your post, I failed into reading how you felt as a woman, a mother and a wife. Meaning do you consider yourself beautiful? Are you happy with the way you look and your body type after you had your child? I am also on depression medicine, adhd medicine and anxiety. Do you have a fear deep inside of you that your not good enough for your husband? You only wrote how you felt and saying your husband is the greatest and he might be. I believe that if you sat down and really thought about what fear you have built inside of you, you will become to begin a new you the way you want to be. You are the one that needs to be willing and go through it in order to get you back, If you ever need to chat I am here! I wish you the best and God Bless!

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