I'm at the end of my rope with my 9 month old

Barbara - posted on 05/02/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I love my son to death and would never do anything to compromise his trust in me that I will always be there. However, I feel like I just can't take anymore. He only recently had his heart defect surgically corrected. Prior to surgery he had a shunt providing blood to his lungs. Because of the shunt he was not allowed to cry as most babies are allowed to do. We also spent a lot of time each month in the hospital. Now that he is older and has had his surgery I can handle him and treat him like a normal baby. The problem I am having is he refuses to be content if I am not holding him anytime I am in the same room as him. He is not yet crawling and therefore I don't feel right just leaving him on the playroom floor to entertain himself. At the same time I don't just want to be constantly putting him in his jumper so that I can get things done. I am at a complete loss as to how to handle this. Even when I do leave him in the playroom to entertain his self he will start fussing and throwing a fit to be picked up. He is nothing like my 6 year old who was not a persistent crier. I have tried the CIO method to no avail he does not stop until I pick him up. Please someone help me before my husband has to come home to a wife who has taken leave of her sanity.

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Stephanie - posted on 05/03/2012

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Get a baby carrier and hold him....he's happy and you can get stuff done.

Kelly - posted on 05/02/2012

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I would start by doing some things gradually but remain consistent. Try putting him in something in the same room you are in and do work in that room.. Bouncer in the laundry room, jumper in another room, playpen in another with the toys that bridge over their body, etc. Let him entertain himself but remain in the same room with you. You are not out of site. If you are cooking crank the baby music and sing and dance. Let him learn to go for longer and longer periods before you pick him up. Saying no is ok. If may be loud and difficult at first but go about your business. Give it 10-15 mins before he gets picked up. If you are in the same room he is mad not scared. Being mad about wanting something and really havng a need are different. Also ask for some help. Ask a grandma or aunt to take him once a week for a mental health day. This won't last long as it will be in no time he is exploring his environment and catching up on motor skills. Trade with another mom. You take hers once a week and she takes yours if his medical needs aren't too great to freak out another mom. Go to a group like MOPS...more like a play group for moms! Plus many are in the same spot as you and can sooo relate to the pressures of having an infant! My aunt wrote in a baby shower card...."remember this too shall pass"! Life saving words and when you are in the midst of it it seems like FOREVER but in the rear view mirror its not so bad : )

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Erica - posted on 05/04/2012

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My daughter was 25lbs at 8 months. She didn't crawl till she was 1 year so she didn't burn the weight off like most babies. My son is almost 10 months and we have a little bit of this but he just follows me to the other room since he can crawl. The CIO method is harder on you than them. used it with my daughter and I remember sitting outside her door crying just as hard as she was. She is now 3 years old, doesn't get out of bed to find us, sleeps all night in own bed, can play in her own room for hours with out coming to get me every five mins. It's tough I know. With my son I haven't had to do the CIO method since my daughter is in the same room with him normally! Be strong and good luck!

Barbara - posted on 05/03/2012

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Thank you so much all. I have a baby carrier, unfortunately I have severe nerve damage in my back. It gets difficult to carry him. I'm thinking about the walker idea. Something he can follow me around in.

Sally - posted on 05/03/2012

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There are many fine baby carriers. Pick the one that is most comfy for you and make him happy while you still have your hands free to get stuff done.

Mandy - posted on 05/03/2012

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It is right at the stage when he'll be suffering from seperation anxiety!!! I would just keep on going back in and re assuring him that u haven't disappeared! U must leave him and come back a few minutes later to show him that u still there even though he can't see u! (It worked with my son) also a good game to help with seperation anxiety is hide and seek! Even though he's not mobile, u can hide behind the couch and pop your head around (good fun and lots of laughter) good luck, it does get better :)

Jennifer - posted on 05/02/2012

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Just remember it won't be like this for long. I understand a lot of what you are going through. My youngest had a lot of problems her first year, and I was told by her doc not to let her cry very much. She is now 19 months, and though she still like her cuddles, she spends most of her day running around, and I can't hardly catch her to give her a hug and kiss! lol Just do what you can, and ask for help when you need it.

Barb - posted on 05/02/2012

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Omg are u sure u r not talking about me and my son? Lol. I have the exact same problem. My son weighs 30 pounds at 8 mo old. Literally, I carry him around all day. I totally understand! One thing that helped is that we bought a walker that has lights and sounds. He will stay in it for 10 min at a time but better than nothing !! I feel for you! Try the walker. Good luck

Louise - posted on 05/02/2012

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This is normal behaviour for his age and nothing to do with his medical history. He is crying from separation anxiety. Every baby goes through it at some point. Just make sure that your husband handles him as much as you do on his days off and that you get a break of a few hours to escape. The baby will cry when you leave but only for a few minutes. Also get involved with a mums and baby group in your area. This will get you out of the house meeting mums with children the same age. I can not tell you how good it is to meet mums with the same problems and feelings as you. Liberating. You are not alone this is all part of being a momma!

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