I'm haveing boy trouble...plz help

Melina - posted on 03/28/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have 3 kids, 2 girls and 1 boy. My son is the middle child and is 12 yrs old. My girls are 15 and 8. the prob i am haveing is, my son loves to fight with his younger sister and i havent been able to find a way to get him to stop. I am at a lose ! i cant take her yelling "mom" all the time. She has got such a high pitched voice, it just makes my head ring. What am i to do? He wont listen to me at all. My son is bigger than me and scares me at times, but i sit stand my ground with him. Can some one plz give me some advice on how to try and control him in a lil? My husband works at night and only gets to see the kids for a lil bit on the weekends. Im at my wits end.......

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Chelle - posted on 03/29/2010

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yes your son is definitely feeling the effects of those hormones that make him feel more angry and frustrated, especially when hes first dealing with them. great ideas by Kirstin earlier. the most important thing you can be is loving and consistent. boys need more boundaries than girls. there seems to be a lack of them at the moment. make some rules and stick to them. also would be beneficial to find something for your son to channel this new found aggression into- kick bags are great for this, perhaps talk to him about whether he wants one and work out a reward system that could earn him one. i would also wager that he is really missing his dad or the fact he doesnt have a prominent male in his life right now and does not feel like girls understand what he is going through. i was a counsellor at an all boys school and saw this a LOT. Good luck

Melina - posted on 03/29/2010

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thank you both, ive tried the one -on-one talking and taking his priviledges. he will still be mean to his sister. yes his father knows whats going on and has had talks with him, but my hubby doesnt see the kids much and is working 7 days a week right now, so he isnt much help. i know hes starting puberty and i have taoght my kids to come to me for every thing. my oldest daughter and i are more like friends than anything but she knows that im still the mom. i just wish i can have that with my son. here hopeing to the future and hopeing he grows out of it. thank you.

Kristin - posted on 03/28/2010

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Good idea for what to do with your daughter. Also, I forgot to mention that when your son is behaving as you would like him to, praise him and grant additional priviledges. Positive reinforcement is hugely helpful and shows him that you appreciate his making a good choice.

Lisa - posted on 03/28/2010

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ah bless u it sounds that you are going throu a tough time at the moment. there was 1 thing i found that helped was trying very hard to stay calm firstly send your girl to her room for 10 mins . so she is out of sight n unheard till your head slws down. and have strong quiet words in a diplomatic way with ur son. he is confused about who he and how n where he fits in , in this world but as long as they know that you love them all and that you are there for them to talk to about absolutely everything. I got told that when you discipline a child always remind them that you love them you just dont like thier actions or what they did wrong that ha helped out of a few tricky situations.

good luck and keep smiling x

Kristin - posted on 03/28/2010

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Sounds like those man hormones are raging in him. He's testing his boundaries with you and all you can do is be consistent with him. Maybe sit down and have a "grown up to almost grown up" talk with him. Explain what behavior is expected and what will not be tolerated. Talk with him about what you will do to discipline him and get his input on what he thinks is reasonable. He is going to be wanting to do a lot of things and if he can't be respectful of you, his sisters, his father, your home, and the rules... well, he just won't get to do much of anything. He's growing up and wanting to make choices for himself. You can let him do that, just stay in charge of the options. If he refuses to listen, start taking away his priviledges. He should have clothes to wear, access to school, food, and be able to clean himself. Everything else is at YOUR discretion; TV, stereo, $$$, friends outside of school, etc.



As for your daughter, tell her to either walk away or work it out with her brother. Unless he is physically hurting her, you shouldn't have to intervene too much. I'm sure she's a smart girl who can figure things out for herself. She just may need to toughen up a little.



Also, does your husband know what's going on? You and he need to be on the same page for all of it, from the rules through discipline. Good luck, I hope this helps.

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