I'm on the verge of leaving my husband

Toni - posted on 03/28/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I don't even know where to begin!I'm so frustrated with my husband that I want to scream!I can talk to him tell I turn blue in the face but it doesnt help at all!I really just need to rant,and here it goes!I'm 25 years old and I am a stay at home mom,I work for 3 hours in the morning while my 5 yr old is at school,and I also have a 10 yr old son.My husband is 36 yrs old and works fulltime(7-3:30),he has a 7 yr old daughter and 13 yr old daughter and an 18 yr old son.On tues and thurs and every other weekend I go and pick up my step daughter either from school or dance,if she is sick or doesnt have school I watch her,which I dont mind doing at all,I'm auppoae to do that.My issue is when we have her on the weekends he goes to the bar and least one of the nights she is her and I have to stay home with the kids.Let me remind you that we have it set up to where we have our kids on the same weeknds that way we get everyother weekend free.In my opinion he doesnt need to go to the bar while his daughter is here,he needs to be spending time with her.On to the 13 yr old she hadnt been around her dad for prolly close to a year before I came into the picture.When I came into the picture just 2 years go I wanted to mend their relationship,dso me not even knowing her or vice versa I called her told her who I was and that I would love to meet her.Finally I got her to dstart coming around.When she does come to our house I go pick her up and take her home which is an hour away,but I dont care about that!The problem I have is when she doe get down here her dad goes to the bar at least once while she is here,and let me remind you,she may come down once a month for the weekend!I try so hard to get her down here so she can spend time with her dad then he goes to the bar!On to the 18 yr old...he has became very distance with his dad her lately, and I believe it is bc everytime he has came down lately he has a drunken stupid night,and makes an ass out of himself,and no son wants to come down to have to deal with that!My husband will go to the bar AT LEAST twice a week and everyother weekend so some weeks it could be 4 times a week.He goes out usually on monday and wed cause we dont have his daughter those days,but we have my kids,and how I look at it is my kids are your kids and your kids are my kids,so if the kids are home you shoul be home.My husband shoould feel very lucky to get everyother weekend kid free,cause their are a million ppl that have there kids 24/7 365 days a weeks!I am only 25 and I dont care to go to the bars,when the kids arent hear I want to get stuff done around the house or whatever not sit at the bar all weekend!Yes my husband does work very hard and if he wants to go have a beer every once in awhile I dont care u deserve that,but what do I get to do?NOTHING!I am not allowed to go to the bar by myself(which i dont want too, its just the point)I want to go tan when he gets home from work and he bitches about that and it may take 30 min at the most!Yes he works all day but so do I,I get up take the kids to school go to work tell 11,I always keep the house cleaned which is a task its self trust me,I do laundry which is NEVER ending,dishes,take out the trash,I even mow and weed it sometimes,and pick up or take the kids to where there need to be.My husband gets off work at 3:30 he either goes to the bar or comes home and watcs tv or gets on the computer or sleeps.He doesnt help do anything,he thinks that since he works all day that he doesnt have to help out around the house AT ALL!I have to pick up his clothes,shoes,etc off the floor or they will stay there and I cant stand a messy house!!!I simply asked him to take the trash out one day and he through a fit!Are you kidding me!My husband thinks I am the biggest bitch and he doesnt think what he does is wrong bc he works and he deserves to go out and he shouldnt have to help around the house bc he works!I need peoples advice and opinions please!Im overwhelmed and ready to walk away!I'm suppose to be his wife but I feel like a maid!P.S. He always throws it in my face that i don't have a job,but yet I have had 4 job offers come up and I had to turn them down bc they were night shift such as 4 to 9 and my husband cant handle the kids by himself for that long of a period.Its not that i dont want to work I want to but the only way I can is if I find a day job which there are none where are live i have tried and keep on trying!

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Nicole - posted on 03/28/2013

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It's ok to be right where you are and feel the way you do. I have wanted to leave my husban at times so I'll share parts of my journey. If you want to talk more, I'm open to it. My husband is opposite, he wants the house spotless. I often felt like a failure or less than because I couldn't keep up. But really, how we feel is reflecting our fears about ourselves rather than being all about them. It may sound backwards, so I'll try to explain. If you let go of worrying about what he does and focus on loving yourself and being at peace with yourself it will shift. When you show him that it's ok to love all of yourself, even the scary, not so pretty arts, you will lead ny example. Right now it sounds as if you have a parent/child dynamic going on. Think about the issues you bring ip with him, are there any that can be let go of for a while? Ask, will this matter tomorrow, next month or next year? If not, let it go &focus revisit it at a calmer time. Regarding his kids, he may have emotional issues he can't explain or understand so it's easier to check out. He may feel like you are forcing his hand so he rebels by leaving the house. Many people don't have the ability to say, listen honey, I appreciate your efforts to connect with my kids, but I have guilt &I feelings of failure about this child. I have no idea how to forgive myself or how to bond with this child. Many people don't even know how they feel, it's scary stuff. So in the emotional area, give him some slack. I really do believe we all do the best we can with the knowledge we have. When we know better we do better. This seems long so I'll post &I write more. I know you have lots of strong feelings right now. Don't make any quick decisions, you have plenty of time to figure it out. If you don't figure out how you got to this point in your relationship, you'll leave &if recreate it.



with the knowledge we have. When we know better we do better. This seems long

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