I'm so angry right now my stomach is in knots.

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I don't want this to be a husband bashing but I really need some wisdom or perspective because I'm afraid I'll explode.

I stay at home with the three kids, one of which is 10 months old. If I don't get large projects (housework, work, whatever) done before 2:00 or 3:00 chances are it will not get done because of homework, dinner, bath time, etc. OK, so DH works full time and he also does freelance work. He has been asking me for about a year now to "help" him with his freelance work like emailing and sending invoices. I have said no, because I feel overwhelmed with my usual duties as it is and we have enough conflict in our marriage as it is.

After a big blow-up the other night I have reluctantly agreed to assisting him with emails if he needs it. He set me up with an email address and sent a message to one of his clients saying that I was the project manager and would be coordinating everything. *sigh*. So now I am basically in charge of this project. I feel manipulated and taken advantage of. He won't take "no" for an answer. I don't understand why he can't respect my point of view or what I want. I feel like if I don't help him and the project fails for whatever reason, it will be my fault. I'm just so angry right now and I don't want to be.

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Rebecca - posted on 01/12/2010

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Perhaps suggest that if you help him with his work , he helps you with yours - how about collating a family schedule where he can be assigned household tasks to complete each day to contribute to the housework, seeing as you're contributing to his.

I know how frustrating it is to feel unheard and unappreciated. Perhaps giving him a visual like that will help him better see why you'd been resisting also doing his legwork without being too 'in-his-face' about it and causing more conflict?

Wishing you all the best :)

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Christy - posted on 01/13/2010

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Have your DH take 'personal day' or 'vacation day' from work (both places) and give him a list of everything you get done/do on an AVERAGE day...you go visit a friend or something INEXPENSIVE so he can't complain about it...

He will be singing a different tune upon your arrival back home, especially when he couldn't get dinner isn't cooked, the kids are dirty, homework isn't done, laundry is on the floor by the washer, mail is still in the mailbox, baby has a poopy-butt, etc....

I had to have a Sleep Study done when my son was about 8 months old, granted my DH had his shift from 6pm to 8am but my son wakes 1-2 times at night (no biggie though, he goes right back down). I got home from a very sleepless and uncomfortable night and the deal was that if I had a bad night I would get to nap when I got home...the place was a wreck and he was 'exhausted' and I didn't get my nap...after that he appreciates what I do much more!

Or heck, call an ENT and schedule a Sleep Study!!!!

HA HA HA!!! Hope he sees how much you do somehow!

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2010

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Thank you ladies. I prayed quite a bit yesterday and your responses also helped me to just calm down. I have to laugh at "Jodi's" response. That is totally how my husband is. "It's not that hard" staying home with the kids. But, I guarantee he did not spend near the "quality" time with the kids while he was running around taking care of things.

I will try to help him and if I can't get things done...I warned him.

Jodi - posted on 01/12/2010

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I agree with several of the ladies, he needs to walk a while in your shoes! Angela suggested that you have him do everything you do for one day...I tried that...it didn't work. I came back from my day "off", everything I usually do was done, my daughter was happy, fed, cleaned, the house in shape etc. He had this smug smile on his face saying it wasn't that hard blah blah blah, until I told him I would love to go back to school and he can stay home with our daughter during the day! LOL, that shaped him up as I don't think he could imagine doing what he had just done every single day.



NEwayz, I would say, keep your kids and house first priority, and since you only offered to "help", answer only a few emails each night. If it starts to get backed up, let him know and he can take care of it! Best of luck!

Alicia - posted on 01/12/2010

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i have a wonderful husband who really tries to be helpful and supportive, but it has been my experience, thet even when it's made 'their job' Dads never really end up doing all that we would anyway in a domestic situation. That's why they all think our job is so easy... they only ever do half of it. I would tell him that if he wants to take on extra work, he should make sure HE can handle it first, because you are not his secretary

Sharon - posted on 01/12/2010

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I understand your frustration. If only we all had the chance to let the hubbys stay home for a week with the kids and do the "mum's role" then they might truly realise just how hard it all is and how much you really do. You can only do so much so dont let it all get to you. There is no point in overdoing things and then you will get stressed and become upset. Hubby needs to appreciate the work you do and not give you extra work that might not be able to get done. Good luck.

Laura - posted on 01/12/2010

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I say go along with it and at the end of the week say, "OK now you do all of my evening chores and take care of the kids, and I'll take care of your freelance project. What? Oh! You thought I had time to do this during the week. Sorry I guess you'll have to do your own work and I'll keep doing mine."

Sheryl - posted on 01/12/2010

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i agree with angela! i did that till yo what my husbend came back to me and said sorry i really didn't know. sometime it takes someone to be in someone else's shoes to understand. hang in there! just talk to him. be care full though with how you say things. men can take thing the wrong way if there not put in a good way. hope that helps! one thing to try is saying "i feel". i use that it seem to help. good luck!

Angela - posted on 01/12/2010

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Well in my opinion you should be able to decide if you want to or not. You have a very busy schedule with just taking care of the kids and keeping the house clean! Tell him that he needs to take one day and do everything that you do and maybe he might understand. Men can be stubborn and they never really see what we do all in one day. Keep your head up, but if I was you I would just tell him that your to over whelmed and can't do it.

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