i'm tired and fed up want to get in my car and leave forever

Claire - posted on 05/05/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm sitting locked in my kitchen drinking a glass of wine. I'm not someone that drinks often. The wine has been in the cupboard for about 6months, a housewarming gift. But I'm drinking it to keep from saying things I cant take back. I put my kids to bed 2 boys 10 and 4 without hugs or stories tonight, after shouting at them and saying that I want to get in my car and just go away! I feel like a horrible mother. My husband just got home, walked in shouted at older one for messing water and hasn't asked whats wrong or even bothered to go say goodnight to them, he never does really. He parks off on couch and expects them to come and hug and kiss goodnight, while shouting orders or threats from his throne when he hears me losing it. I've been trying the hardest.

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Kimberley - posted on 05/14/2013

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We all have them moments when we want to get away. It will get better. As for your husband, well tell him to quit being an armchair parent! The kids need love from him too. He will regret it when they are grown up and gone if he doesn't give them the love they need now. It's like the saying goes "don't know what you got until it's gone". Good luck.

Claire - posted on 05/13/2013

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Any advise on homeschooling? I have found a school program and my son will start official in August 2013, but in the mean time he's killing time at home, Im trying to implement a routine of sorts to try keep him in the habit of studying, but its a daily battle of wills with him! the situation being what it is here in Dubai, there are no alternative schools or smaller schools for his age group and its really difficult to get placement in an y school here, theres no such thing as catchment area or, laws to make the school accept your child and once there is any record of any emotional or scholastic difficulties on your child's paperwork you have doors close, the schools here are business and run as such, unless you have some influence on board members or lots of money to throw around or a child who excels there is little chance of getting in, case of to few good English medium schools for the amount of expats living here. waiting lists for most schools exceed 100+ kids for KG 1 all the way up to Year 3, and even being on waiting list doesn't guarantee a placement. Due to the bullying and emotional break down my son experienced from students and teachers at his old school I had no choice but to remove him before the end of the school year, my problem now is what to do until he can start with Home/online school program. Im not the most enthusiastic of "teachers" have always said that teaching is a vocation and that I could never be a good teacher, just haven't got the patience for it, my background is in Police service so I'm more inclined to give orders and instructions than guiding and encouraging learning, and my son plays on this aspect, he knows how to push my buttons to get out of doing homework, schoolwork etc, it doesn't help that I'm not exactly thrilled with the prospect or confident in my ability to teach him properly, I just don't want him to become a person with no interest in learning or improving himself. he'd much rather play Xbox or computer games, and I've tried the no games on school days etc, though at this stage I'm so tired of the constant conflict, I've basically lost interest in the whole issue. sort of wait till August and go from there.

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Alicia - posted on 05/13/2013

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listen Your a GOOD mother. and dont ever forget it. as for your husband i think that you and him need to have a talk. my husband use to do that and i told him that if he doesnt want to help me raise our girls then he doesnt need to come home. claire you dont need a man like that. you need a man who wants to be there to help you. as for your kids. tell them that your sorry that you got upset the other night that you love them but sometimes mommy's get upset like they do. snuggle them up and let them know that you do love them and that you didnt mean what you said. i think that you need a night out just you and your girlfriends. when my husband gets home and if he starts yelling i give HIM trouble cause he just walked in the door from being away for a week and he has no idea whats going on. i try to update him as soon as he gets in whats happening and what needs doing. an as soon as he gets his shoes off and uses the bathroom he jumps in and helps out with what ever needs doing.

Denikka - posted on 05/08/2013

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I just wanted to express my sympathies. Sometimes guys can just be dumb and sometimes kids can be too :P And sometimes things all hit at the same time, or build up over the same period, and you just have to have one of those nights.

I would like to suggest though, that you look into alternative schools for your oldest :) I went to an alternative school due to issues with both students and teachers, but there were many kids in my new school who had assorted issues, from bullying to drug/alcohol/legal problems. It was a relatively small school and the teachers REALLY cared. They would do just about anything to facilitate the kids actually making it to graduation and I highly doubt that ANY of those kids would have made it if they hadn't been in that particular school.
There are lots of schooling options out there, so there may be something else you can check into :)

Annabelle - posted on 05/08/2013

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Oh darlin', I've been there! How are you feeling today? I know sometimes you wake up to a new day and it just seems to be better... any luck on that one? lol Anyways, I've felt like that so many times I can't begin to tell you. I can't tell you what to do because unfortunately a glass of wine helped me! But I can say you find your inner strength and you WILL push through it. I'm not one to BS and tell you to go get a pedicure although that would help lol, but it's just one of those times in your life that kind of sux and try to talk to people. That's the only thing I had was a board that made me feel like I had friends I could communicate with who had similar issues they always made me feel better. Just make sure you don't become a recluse, and talk or type out your feelings and reach out to people so you don't feel so alone and I think that's the best advice I can give darlin' :)

Ess - posted on 05/07/2013

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I get it, I totally get. I find that venting helps me to. I want to say what I need to say without hearing someone(spouse) emotionally provoke me because I'm usually already on the defensive whether I care to admit it or not at the time. Sounds like you're just getting the rough end of the stick right now. I understand how frustrating it is to plan something for yourself, put effort, time and attention into it and then have it suddenly snatched away. I have had that happen to me numerous times, with school, jobs, residences, friends, etc. It's not easy to scrap our old plan and suit up with a new one at a moment's notice. You don't have to like it, but you've got a deal with it as best as you can. It's great that you took your eldest out of school & bullying is a difficult topic to deal with.
Homeschooling, although I have not dealt with it on a personal level, but have heard friends talk about their experiences, sounds like it can be facilitated by coordinating some time with other homeschooling moms & kids. I do recall my friends & their children participating in group study sessions, field trips, teaching tradeoffs and the like. I think there are local groups on a popular site that is normally advertised for finding babysitters or petsitters. PM me if you want to know which one I'm talking about, I'm not sure if I can say it here & I don't want to be dinged for solicitation. New challenges are daunting, it may not end up being anything like you or your husband imagines. I think school can be a scary place today, bullying, school shootings, faculty molestation, cliques, gangs, etc. Yes, you will be taking on a big task, but you can have your child in the safety and comfort of his/her own home and some children do learn better whenever they have more focused and direct attention. Embrace the positives & move forward with your "You Can Doooo It(Waterboy)" attitude.
Kudos to you and your husband on being able to reconcile after two years. Sounds like you are on to something with your date night, I hope that goes swell and you two end the evening on a high note.

Claire - posted on 05/07/2013

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Thanks for your comments, its just been one of those weeks! I eventually ended up going for a long walk to have a time out, tonight am planning to take my hubby out to go and have a long candid conversation. Im very frustrated at moment as have spent last 2 years studying for my new career and now that I'm finally finsished with it, still waiting for results I was planning on going back to work as both kids were in school, and I can work because I want to not because I have to. But my eldest started having problems at school with bullying and emotional outbursts, and is in therapy now, long story short I had to remove him from school and now have to home school him. so there goes my plan of going back to work. so a lot of resentment at moment, towards my eldest and my husband, as he's not really grasping that there isn't an alternative at this stage other than protecting my child from others and himself, but at the same time he's not very supportive of the home school option as he feels, (I agree) that I will get even more frustrated with homeschooling, not that theres much choice at the moment any way, rather than him saying its not going to work and harping on the negative aspects I would appreciate some support or back up, Ive also suggested that we go to a parenting course or something to figure out a joint approach to parenting, but after one session he's completely switched off the idea, as we both have very different backgrounds and obviously issues from his past have touched a nerve with him and he refuses to go there or look at his past, I have my own, but at least prepared to try something else as what we doing now obviously not working very well. He either goes full tilt authoritarian DAD or withdraws completely if I mention hes being a little to hard on the kids. but this will pass I hope. we managed to get back together after being divorced for 2 years and dealt with issues then so just have to get back to that attitude again. It does help though being able to just vent to someone else, as it prevents me from snapping at everyone and saying or doing something we will regret later, have a happy day. Off to do the school run now.

Ess - posted on 05/06/2013

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Hello Claire,

I'm awfully sorry about what you're going through. I think we all reach a breaking point now and then and it's normal. I think it is normal in our marriages, in parenting, in working and any other task that requires a great deal of energy from us. Perhaps you can express your concerns with your husband about how he deals with your children and that you sometimes need more acknowledgement. It never hurts to ask for what we want and most certainly for the things we need. I've found over the years that it makes no sense for me to allow myself to feel slighted by my husband if I don't make him aware of the things that bother me & the role that I need him to play in alleviating the aggravation. It doesn't sound like you're a horrible mother at all, it sounds like that night you were a frustrated mother. Best wishes.

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