I married my enemy. My worst mistake

Xo, Mimi - posted on 06/25/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm married to an abuse controlling man. I'm only 21 years old with have a daughter of 2 years and a half. We have been together ever since 2008 and recently got married last month, which has been my worst mistake. Everything started before our daughter was born. I was pregnant when he first layer hands on me Bc he thought I was going out. I called the police and he got charge for domestic violence. After that he changed and was a very good boyfriend than. Then our doll was born it wasn't long till it happened again and again and again. He has been charge of domestic violence 3x. And all those times I had felt bad that he only did time once which was the last. He's mother tells me I shouldn't talk back when he screams at me but how can I not? After all the storm things have calm down but he's always being verbally abusive towards me. Calls me a bitch and tells me to go fuck myself. And I know plenty of you will say I'm stupid which I am Bc I always go back to this man. And idk why when reality is I'm not happy. And all I want is to get a divorce. Just today we got into an argument Bc he got mad I was going out to the pool without our daughter when he could stay home with her but he didn't o course Bc he wanted to go out himself. It's not the first time he does this to me. He literally chase me down with his car to tell me to get my stuff out the house Bc shit wasn't going to be my way and to take our daughter. I hit rock bottom. I'm done. My Bestfriend doesn't even want to her me out Bc of course it's not the first and asked me how can I be happy with someone like him? And my answer was Bc I'm dumb and stupid. I've gave him practically my all for what?? For nothing. I'm a stay at home mother so i depend on him when it comes to money therefore he feels more of a man. Which has been my biggest mistake of leaving my job. Now, my biggest concern is that he will try to do something to me when he sees me outside enjoying myself as a single women. He has tried to harm before why wouldn't he do it now. Smh.

XO,
A worried emotionally drained wife

2 Comments

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[deleted account]

First off, if you haven't already decided to do so, you need to leave. Get out of that relationship, get out of that home.

With 3 separate domestic violence convictions, you should very easily be able to get an order of protection, possibly a restraining order against him to protect you when you are in public.

You said you are a stay at home mom, so I assume you established a savings account in your name before you were married for emergencies like this. Is this correct? (If you do not, please keep in mind for your next marriage. A woman should NEVER EVER enter into a situation where she is financially dependent on another person without at least a few thousand dollars in a savings account with only her name on it.)
Take your child, and go to your local women's shelter. They will help you establish a new residence. Many have programs for childcare while you work on getting a job, if not, look into local churches with daycare programs. Many will allow you to bring your child for free until you have a steady income. You will also need to establish a PObox for mail. You will not want to use your new residence for mail because it will be too easy to find out where you live. Do not give ANYONE your new address, except your employer, utility companies, and social services that require it. Have all mail sent to the PObox and do not even give your best friends or family your new address.
Next you will need to sign up for social assistance--food stamps, state medical insurance, and cash assistance if you qualify. The shelter can point you to where you need to go for these services.

Once you are out, sever ALL communication with the ex. File for a divorce and have your lawyer serve the papers. You will have to pay extra for that, but it is important that you do not serve them yourself. Ask your lawyer about submitting paper work for your ex to sign over rights to the child if you do not wish for him to have visitation or access to the child. If he is abusive, that is probably best, but he has to agree to do it--you can't force him. Keep in mind, if he signs his rights away, you can't get child support, so if you think you will need him paying child support talk to your lawyer about putting that in the divorce settlement.
All that's left after that is going to court and being nice to the judge.

MissMommyMay - posted on 06/25/2013

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Leave him! Your worth so much more than that and your so young!And you dont want your daughter to grow up in that house....If he hits you maybe she will be his next punching bag dont let that happen! The state has more than enough services to get you out of an abusive relationship and allow you to make it on your own. I am a single mother who got out of an abusive relationship now goes to college and the state helps me with cash and food and medical for me and my son...You can do it all you have to do is try!

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