I need a little advice

Nicole - posted on 01/26/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend works 40 hours a week. We have a beautiful 6 month almost 7 month old daughter. She is the light of my life. I am blessed that I am able to stay at home with her. Unfortunately my boyfriend thinks that because he works 40 hours a week he can come home and relax and then sleep. I am frustrated because I do everything for him and my daughter. I cook, clean, laundry, take him to work, bring him lunch, pick him up regardless of the hour he is off. I know that being a stay at home mom consists of doing the household duties however I need a little help and I have tried to explain to him that I need help. I don't get a break! I want to be able to slip away and take a shower or just a little me time or maybe a little help around the house. His argument is that because he works he shouldn't have to. But in my opinion just because you work does not mean u don't have to spend time with ur daughter or engage in the family! How else can I go about explaining to him?

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Jillian - posted on 01/29/2014

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Oh that is hard! Have you ever thought of a nanny or in summer a mother's helper. My daughter is one. Plus not all mother's helpers charge!

Nicole - posted on 01/29/2014

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Ya it is defiantly hard. You would think that because it is their child too they would want to spend time with them especially since they have been working all day... Guess not. Hoping things change! I did write out what I do with my time and I have little time for myself! He has tons of time when I calculated it. I am going to write a letter and maybe him seeing it on paper he can realize it ;)

Mathandise - posted on 01/29/2014

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I thought am the only one with this issue and the worse part is I'm working.I must do everything in the house including the garden and am working full time.I used to ask him to help especially looking after the little one but he will get so upset and start calling me with names so i must do everything in the house with the baby on my back while he is sitting charting to friends.He will carry the baby for some minutes then he will call you to say the baby is crying.I go and bath with the little one or somethings ask my 8 year old to look and play with her while i bath.God is hard.I end up telling myself this is my duties maybe it will work for you is not working for me but I'm getting there.Gud luck

Tsuzukisan - posted on 01/26/2014

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My friend is in a situation like this, for 10 years and they have 5 children. She does absolutely everything in the house and with the children. There are some things he will do like take the children to have a haircut, but only 1 at a time. Last time my friend and I went out to go grocery shopping (without any of our kids), we were gone for maybe 2 hours (it's a really big shopping trip) and he got right pissed off at her for taking so long… and pissed off at me for not answering my phone (I don't hear it sometimes because I am partially deaf).
My advice to you, is to just wait and see. It might take a while, but he could slowly change. My friends husband went from not helping at all to at least helping a little bit. So there's hope.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Being a SAHM is tough work but everything you do is worth it. ;)

Nicole - posted on 01/26/2014

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I ask him in this way but he either says he will do it or have an excuse as to why he can't. I don't want to completely give up on this relationship but things need to change. I have become more distant with him because I get so frustrated with how he acts. He acts like nothing is wrong. I know you can't change someone but I don't think he realizes what I do for this family. I obviously do not work but I do lots. His thing is is that because I don't work I am not to complain and I should do it all. When and if he holds the baby he is finding a way to put her down or ask me to take her because she cries. I don't think he could take care of her for more than an hour.

Chet - posted on 01/26/2014

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How does he respond if you ask him to do very specific things like, ""can you bath the baby while I have a shower?" or "can you empty the dishwasher and take out the garbage while I go the store?". If you ask him to do a clearly defined task will he refuse or be cranky about it?

How comfortable is he playing with and taking care of the baby?

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