I need advice on how to deal with the father of a little girl I babysit....

CMI1973 - posted on 02/22/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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her pick up time is 4:00 and he and his 5 year old son just come in and make themselves at home and don't leave until an hour and a half later! I don't know how to deal with this at all! He is kind of a MAJOR jerk and would tell me right off if I say anything, and a male chauvenist to boot. Help! My daughter is 3 and just loves having this little girl to play with and would be heartbroken if I just stopped taking the little girl in. Our son's are the dsame age and I understand they want to play, but the father doesn't even ask if it's okay!!! He just comes in uninvited, lets his son go through my home like a tornado, takes his coat off and makes himself at home. Last week he even turned on my computer and helped himself! All the while making comments that I have all the time in the world to get things done, why isn't supper on the stove...since I am a stay at home Mom...I don't do anything all day!!!! It makes me angry and very uncomfortable. If Hubby is here, he just goes.

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User - posted on 02/23/2012

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Girl, you need to grow a pair!! lol Seriously, dont take any crap from this guy. Some men are like dogs, they smell fear. And he can smell fear coming from you and sees that you dont say anything.

This is not ok and you have to put your foot down. Practice infront of the mirror first if it helps.

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CMI1973 - posted on 02/23/2012

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I agree Carol..there's no easy way if I want to keep the little girl. I can't say anything because he is a hot head and yes..the wife would get offended. I am not friends with either one of them...they are strangers. The time before last, he showed up with donuts and a coffee and my son was at the doctor with my Hubby and he stayed anyways for TWO hours. My husband wasn't impressed. I don't know if he just doesn't want to watch his own kids (he IS that type) or it's something else. I got a new minivan today so the kids and I will be doing LOTS of errands in the very near future! The walk thing won't work because they know I walk the girls up everyday to my son's school and I can't even go to the playfround because they just invite themselves! I pretty much ignore him while he's here and that's when he turns on my tv or computer! I make myself bsy with the kids...I even go down to the basement where they are...it creeps me out and infuriates me! I would KILL my husband if he hung around that long at the sitters..#1 it's inconsiderate and #2 inappropriate! I agree that men and women can be friends...but he's NOT my friend. As for making that little boy clean up...impossible. He's very hyper and just looks right through you and definately doesn't listen. I am not sure if he has any issues...but I've seen him punch his parents when told what to do. I don't think there's much discipline, but I could be wrong. I really don't know them. I just know that the father is an A$$! Children and cleaning are women's work..he says it all the time.

Carol - posted on 02/23/2012

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That's rough. I think it's odd that a married man will stay at your house for an hour without either or your spouses there and leave and run off when your husband comes home. Married people can certainly have friends of the opposite sex, but usually you'd befriend both the husband and wife and not run off. Sounds fishy. If you call him on it, he'll deny it. If you talk to the wife, she'll probably get offended and defensive. If you want to avoid confrontation completely, just lie. Bundle everyone up in coats and the second you hear the car pull up get everyone outside for your new daily walk. Or toss your kids in the car and do whatever errand you need to do - maybe just the errand of driving around the block until he leaves. As for his kids picking up - there's no reason you can't tell them to pick up after themselves. Enforce the rule every time they jump from one activity to the next. My son knows the rule, and if he doesn't enforce it when he's playing with his friends, he gets to pick it up alone after they leave. I do it if the kid was playing alone.

CMI1973 - posted on 02/23/2012

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Brianna, I have tried that and the boy just gets out of the van, walks past me and into my home, takes his coat off and away he goes (like father like son!) So then I turn around and walk back in the house not to leave my young children unattended and he walks his daughter back in and lets her take her stuff off and lets them play. No boundaries! I will either have to tell them I am no longer available, or pretend I am heading out the door every single time I have her and hope he gets the "you're not welcome" hint. The Mom NEVER does this! Unfortunately...the dad does MOST of the picking up.

CMI1973 - posted on 02/23/2012

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That's true..but where I live there are literally hundreds of SAHM's looking to take in children so it's hard to find. Easy if you need care, though. I lucked out that I answered an ad and found a perfect match for my two kids' age range and would have their 5 year old son in the summer. Perfect playmates for both of my kids. They actually turned me down at first and then the Mom emailed me months later asking if I was still interested. It's a lose lose situation because if I SAY ANYTHING, they will just take their daughter out of my care. If I were a daycare would have "policy" on my side. Sometimes I think "suck it up" for the sake of the kids and then it happens again and I get so stressed over the next pick up...

Brianna - posted on 02/23/2012

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maybe try having his daughter ready to go at 4. like have her dressed and ready so when u see him pull up outside open ur door and walk her out and say good bye and go back in

Jodi - posted on 02/23/2012

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Just out of curiosity...why do you have to put her in preschool? I'm sure there are other parents out there that would like to have someone watch their similiary aged child.

CMI1973 - posted on 02/23/2012

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yeah, really I think the only calm solution is to stop watching their daughter because no matter what I say..if it is negative towards him, I just know he will start bashing with the words. He's that type. I usually have no problem tellinga man off, especially when disrespectful, but this guy is so ...I can't put my finger on it. He's a pig and arrogant....I couldn't stand him from the first day we met to see if they'd want their daughter in my care. It's just sad because my daughter loves theirs and I get paid to have her...and now I will have to put her in preschool and do the paying

Bonnie - posted on 02/23/2012

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Cara, that is the first thing that came to my mind, that he may have feelings for you because you say he only stays when your husband is not there. He does sound like a jerk and you need to say something before it gets even more out of hand. It is your house and you need to acknowledge that.

User - posted on 02/23/2012

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Girl, you need to grow a pair!! lol Seriously, dont take any crap from this guy. Some men are like dogs, they smell fear. And he can smell fear coming from you and sees that you dont say anything.

This is not ok and you have to put your foot down. Practice infront of the mirror first if it helps.

Katherine - posted on 02/22/2012

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Oh wow. I definitely would NOT put up with that. That is being verbally abusive towards you AND invasive. You may have to make a huge decision and cut it off. OR tell his butt you're going to charge extra. If he starts getting loud tell him to leave and not come back, no way I would take that.



And the sad thing is that there really is no good solution if he is that big of a jerk.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2012

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I'm a very quiet and shy person usually, but there are times that you just can't be trampled on, and what is this showing your daughter? She sees that this guy can just waltz in, destroy your home, waste your time and you just sit and smile ( I odn't mean that meanly). Show your daughter that it's ok to stand up for yourself, and eventually that it'll be ok for her to stand up for herself.

CMI1973 - posted on 02/22/2012

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I know I should say something.....I even have the little one dressed with coat, boots, hat and backpack on. Today he just sent his son in ahead while he sat out and had a smoke for 15 minutes. Then came in and made himself at home. This little girl is the only child I take in 2-3 times per week. Her mother is a sweetheart and very respectful but this guy....I could punch his lights out!!! lol He doesn't make the kids clean up after they've dumped the wholeplayroom out, either. He just finally will yell "let's go" and they're off with no regards to what I may have planned. I would prefer they call and ask if their son could come and play for an hour and drop him off, since I have to watch him anyways because HE DOESN'T! My husband will say something soon..he's starting to think this guy may have a crush on me bbecause there's no reason for it and not acceptable. I am such a quiet and shy person..I find it very hard to speak my mind unless it's for MY chldren.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2012

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Oh, and don't phrase it as a question, phrase it as a statement. "I have a lot of things to do, I need you to leave." or "You can't stay, I have too much going on." If he "shoots you down", just repeat yourself, "You need to leave." Don't respond to any accusations, ignore any snarky remarks. You could also let him know his behavior is inappropriate and your husband does not approve.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2012

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Straight up tell him you're a busy mom and have lots to do and that you just don't have time to entertain him and he needs to leave. You could also have your hubby say something sometime.

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