I need advice please

Cindy - posted on 05/01/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Am a stay home mum with two kids, 3yrs and 15mths. I do all the lundary, dishes, cleaning 24/7 give him everything he ask but still he don't appreciate me. what pains me most is he dont want me to work not even a stay home business, what should I do because am tired of not appreciating me.

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Tonya - posted on 05/03/2012

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Those early years of parenting can be very hard on a relationship. Both of you are overwhelmed and exhausted and chances are your marriage is taking a back seat. Find a babysitter and go out on a date. Reconnect with each other. You have to make each other a priority. The kids will be fine, the laundry will be there when you get home, and you will both feel better afterwards. Both of your jobs are important and really wants to know that you appreciate his hard work and his support. Lean into each other.

Stella - posted on 05/01/2012

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Cindy,

The one thing you don't want to do is kick yourself later on for not doing everything you could to change this unfair behavior of his. So what should you do? Let it all out and be honest with him, tell him everything you just said here and then some.

One way you could do this in a more structured format (rather than the usual "nagging" that we are often accused of) is by writing him a letter and reading it out loud to him. Outline each offense, how it makes you feel, and how you want it to change. Just sit him down on the couch or wherever after the kids are off to bed and present it the way you would imagine presenting a paper in class.

It gives you a true forum to express yourself and get his full attention. He may role his eyes, fold his arms, and look altogether uninterested. Heck he may even be hostle about it! But just stay calm because he is listening, take the high road with his arrogance and do it with confidence. Men are sensitive when it comes to tone and inflection in your voice, so don't be too aggressive or complaining. Just read the letter as if it was written by someone else. That will help you take the emotion you feel out of your voice.

I think this is a great approach and I hope it works for you. Just stick to the structure.

Good luck! Hang in there! And don't hedge your happiness on someone who doesn't want the same joy and peace in life that you do. ;)

Joy - posted on 05/01/2012

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I have been with my husband for six years and i will tell you ,my husband says i bitch to much but unless i say something concerning matters such as this he does not know. I have a five year old,2 year old,and a 9 month old. I love my husband but sometime he is the hardest nut to crack.. Let me ask you this,do you show him you appreciate him? If there is one thing i have heard from my hubby it is this, the boat goes both way. It has managed to work for us.It is tough being by yourself most of the day doing chores and cleaning mess after mess that the kids make. Feels like when you finish cleaning one thing you leave and come back there is another mess .Your husband comes home it feels like he doesnt even notice you are there ,doesnt even realize that you are drained and overwhelmed...But he watches ,maybe he sees and notices that he doesnt want to be home for work cause he knows just exactly how hard of a job it is.My husband use to bitch about not wanting to come home cause no one was ever happy or smiling..I am looking forward to the day my youngest starts school which will be in 4 or 5 years.

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Lindsay - posted on 07/30/2014

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I feel the same way at times. I have been married only a year and a half, but together with my husband for 6 years. We have a 10month old and I have a step son who is 9 and lives with us FT. I know inside my husband appreciates me and what I do, but he doesn't show it as much as I would like, then again, I probably don't show him as much as I should. He has expressed that in arguments in the past. So it does work both ways.

I do get overwhelmed at times though, bc I feel like he pays the bills but I do the rest. He can relax by playing video games (yes still at 31 ugh!) and play golf or hockey, but I get no breaks or time to relax and he never offers. He just goes about his life like there are no kids at times I feel (when it comes to his after work schedules that is). This is definitely very frustrating! He is also not the easiet person to talk to. He gets defensive a lot, but I guess that's a male thing. Ugh!!!

Cindy - posted on 05/03/2012

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Thanx Joy, I always show him how much I appreciate and love him but it seems he dont recognise me anymore, I love my husbby very vry much but h dont appreciate what I do for him.

Cindy - posted on 05/03/2012

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Thanx Tonya for your advice I realy appreciate that, I will try that,but the problem is he don't appreciate anything I do.

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