i need help?

Lianna - posted on 04/20/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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im new on here and im 7 onths pregs with my first. i need help. my partner is making me miserable. i lost my job at the start of my pregnancy and he constantly tells me that i am lazy and i get no say in the money cause he earns it and my centrelink money is bullshit cause i dont earn it. he gets angry at me for not cleaning some days or when i cry he just gets mad. i feel so alone and no matter how i much i try to explain to him he just says that it cant be hard to make a baby and i need to stop complaining. what should i do?

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Marta - posted on 04/24/2012

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Dump him! Dump him now. If you think he is unsupportive now and if he treats you this way now, what do you think he will be like when the bay cries at 2 am or interferes with his life and routine? He is emotionally and verbally abusive! Will your family help you during your pregnancy? Friends? If not there are organizations that will. He may be supporting you financially, but he is making you miserable and it isn't good for you or the baby. Besides he is legally required to support the baby and you won't have to listen to him complain about every penny or say that you didn't earn the money. Leave him and get a lawyer to go after him for child support.
Even if you can't leave him for your own good, think about your baby-do you want your child to grow up in that atmosphere? He will likely be as verbally abusive to the child as he is to you and your child will feel as alone and helpless as you do right now. Leave him! Call a friend, a family member, go to a church shelter, anywhere, just get away from this toxic situation! You will feel so much better!

Ivy - posted on 04/21/2012

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It sounds like he is being verbally and emotionally abusive to you during pregnancy. Men who are like that don't change, even after a baby. Your child will be a part of that life and watch you receive that type of treatment. It can cause your child to pick a partner just like him or become him when your little one is grown. Your partner may even turn on your child and do the same to him/her.



I hope you have the courage to see this person will not love you or treat you the way you deserve. I have been in your situation, but I wasn't pregnant at the time. I know it is difficult. Find some where safe you can go, your parents, a friend, or a woman's refuge. Don't tell him you're leaving or he may try to stop you and make it worse for you. These types of relationships can escalate quickly and babies make life hard as they need constant attention for the first year at least. I will pray for the safety of your baby and you.

Rozetta - posted on 04/20/2012

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I agree with Michelle, he needs to grow up. It can be hard making a baby, I remember with my first I was tired all of the time. It's hard to get the energy to do anything some days. And if he is calling you lazy and gets angry at you for getting upset that isn't your fault. If you have somewhere you can go for a while to get away from the negativity, you should. It will be better for you and your baby. They can sense when your upset too. Good luck, I really hope everything works out for you guys.

Carol - posted on 04/20/2012

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Is this guy worth it? He sounds like an insensitive jerk. Get things worked out before the baby comes because afterwards you'll be more tired than you knew was possible and believe me, the baby will never be this easy to manage as he/she is right now. I'm not saying pregnancy is a cake walk, just that parenting is even tougher. Get a plan for life-after-baby-comes in place that you and your partner can live with. If that means that you're not together, it'll be easier now than later. Be open minded to what he has to say. He might be just as scared as you. My oldest is 11 now and every so often I catch a glimpse of how much my husband worries that he won't be able to provide for us despite my attempts at telling him that we could both work or I could get 2 jobs or we could move to a smaller house, etc.

Alison - posted on 04/20/2012

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One day at a time, one houre at a time. Untille you get the curage to do what you need to do.
you are not alone. Do you have any one you can go to for a little wile. That might help you out and bring up your self esteem. its no easy to have ababy. good luck to you. oxoxoxo

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Vernita - posted on 05/05/2012

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Listen Boo, right now it's not about your partner or even you, it's about that bundle of joy inside of you. It's about you remaining as healthy as you possibly can so that the baby will remain healthy. IF possible, are there any relatives close by that can assist you. IF so, call on them, don't be afraid to tell your parents, his parents, siblings or local support group. My sister, you deserve better. To make yourself feel good, go for walks, buy yourself some flowers, or plant your own. Do something you like to do, learn to love yourself all over again. You don't need him to validate you or your existence, the fact that God allows you to wake up every morning is validation enough. God Bless, here's my email address because I'm rarely on fb jesus946@gmail.com :)

Lianna - posted on 04/26/2012

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thank you so much everyone for the advice. it means so much that there are women out there helping. thank you again

Michelle - posted on 04/24/2012

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I hate to tell you it will only get worse,my daughter was pregnant with twins in the exact situation and he wont change and more than likely he will cheat and be gone after that baby is here.My daughters boyfriend was the exact same way and now shes living at home and i am helping her as much as I can. He started out being verbally abusive and it turned to violence. There are a lot of resources for pregnant women in these situations and they can really help if you have no one else. Please think of your child too because he or she will come into this world depending on you to keep them safe.God Bless

Stifler's - posted on 04/24/2012

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I would leave it will only get worse when the baby comes and is messing everything up and it looks like you do nothing all day even though you do.

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 04/22/2012

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Honey, you Are in an Abusive relationship, just because it's not physical doesn't mean it's not abuse. It is not good for you or your baby to deal with that sort of stress. You need to get help. Do you have family for support? A mom, a friend you can stay with while you two try to sort things out? He might need some counseling. It can be very hard on men too during a pregnancy because they have no clue. You should try to have a deeply heartfelt conversation with him while you are sorting things out. He could be lashing out because he feels a lot of pressure to provide. Is this an unexpected pregnancy? Some of his problem could stem from suddenly having to "grow up and be a father." If I knew where you live I could try to find some resources for you.

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2012

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Tell him to grow up. He had the fun part in making the baby and you have the hard job of making sure that you do everything to have a healthy baby.

In my experience though, I don't think he'll change even after the baby is born. I put up with it for 5 years until I'd had enough and left.

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