i need help my husband cheated

Yvette - posted on 09/29/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my husband cheated for 3 weeks, he didnt have sex with her only kisses and talking,he still says he loves making love to me and he loves to kiss me and he loves to cuddle also but he thinks he doesn't know if he loves me that much anymore that he doesn't miss me when i'm not here! we have been married for 16 yrs and i know when we r together he shows me he loves me! i'm confused,can soemone give me advice please i need help

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Fit2BMe - posted on 09/29/2012

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This is your marriage, the biggest investment of your life. Please consider going to counselling together, being 100% open and honest with one another, and trying to hear and understand the other's thoughts and feelings. You can work through this if you are both willing to try, and can come out the other end stronger, happier, and healthier than ever.

Bobbie - posted on 09/29/2012

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I already responded but I think it is important to note that not only do I strongly agree with Shyann but I also was cheated on. He lied and told me he hadn't been having sex with her yet. He said we could work through it. Boy was I ever young and in love. At 19 I thought it had to be a mistake he made and that showing how much I loved him would have him love me back. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. After 9 years of marriage and 2 affairs that I knew about it I was finally mature enough to realize my worth. When I left him he spent years begging to get me back. What a chump! After our separation was final he went out dating immediately but kept calling to tell me he wanted me back. Of course he wanted me back. I had 1/2 the money, the house, the kids and he no longer had anyone to do his laundry, press his shirts, fix his meals or clean up after him.

When they cheat they don't change when there is nothing at stake. A separation will allow you room to see what kind of person he really is. I was prepared to have my ex come back to me on bended knee begging me to take him back. I would have taken him back if I saw true change. Problem is, when he was given enough rope he showed his true colors and hung himself.

Shyann Christa - posted on 09/29/2012

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Definitely separate he needs to kno he did something wrong him telling you he doesn't know I'd he loves you is a big red flag he will eventually have sex with someone else if he hasnt already By staying with him your telling him he's allowed to keep doing that stuff and your setting your self up for failure ..I've been through it I know ...your letting him decide your life ...stand up for your self and if he loves u he will kno when he doesnt have you ..

Bobbie - posted on 09/29/2012

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First he must honor you. You are valuable as the person you are. He isn't permitted to hurt you, don't let him confuse you. All his actions disrespected your love and marriage. Regardless of how long you have been married he needs to know he wronged you and it is his failings not yours. I wouldn't let him get away with saying hurtful things ON TOP of hurting you! How dare he say he doesn't know if he loves you that much anymore and doesn't miss you. I would tell him that his actions make you painfully aware how he feels and you wish him to leave for a legal separation so YOU can decide if you find him worthy to continue being married to. He cheated on you and must have consequences for his actions and words that have hurt you so deeply. I assure you that you need time to heal and think of yourself and where you want your life to go. He doesn't get to decide for you by keeping you hanging until he decides what he wants. Remember, you are worthy and deserve much better treatment. Loving him doesn't mean he gets break your heart and then make you feel as if you need to change to be better for him. Don't by into it.

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Amanda - posted on 09/29/2012

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First of all, I cannot imagine what you must be going through and how painful this must be. However, this issue is yours and your husband's. What has worked for others might not work for you two. You must decide based on how you are feeling and what your husband tells you what you are going to do. Counseling might help, but your husband may have made a choice without you. You really need to look deep into yourself and decide what is best for you and your family.

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