I need help please

Christal - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is 3 months old I need to start him on a daily routine, but dont know how to do it. When should I get him up, how long should I let him nap, when should I put him to bed? I want him in his owe bed and Dad wants mom and dad time, but my day dont end til about 1am and dad has to go to bed around 9pm, 10 at the latest so what should I do? Dad gets off of work at 4pm he has things he needs to do I have things I need to do, but I also have to care for our son. Everytime I give him to his dad he starts crying and dad gives up and says here, I want dad to spend time with him. He knows his dad he just don't want his dad and that hurts his dads feelings so once again what should
I do?

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Bethany - posted on 02/07/2010

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There are plenty of books and sites about getting kids into a routine. I followed Tracy Hogg's "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer"

With regards to Dad, just go out and leave him with your son. Turn your phone off, leave food, and let it rip. Grit your teeth and accept that you are not the only one who can care for your son. It'll be hard, but try to stay away for at least an hour. Make an appointment to do your hair or something and bite the bullet. Men need to not be watched. They lose confidence when they are with us because we're so great at everything. Put them by themselves and they become very resourceful.



Just make sure everything you say after is positive, even if he has done everything different to how you would have done it.

Jane - posted on 02/07/2010

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i think he's a bit young for getting him on a routine. they pretty much set your schedule at this tiny age. just enjoy as much as you can. you will have a lot of time later on to get him on a routine. you may realize one day that you are on a routine already, just not yours.

Alicia - posted on 02/06/2010

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When my son was about that age, i wanted to get him into a routine, and was always struggling against him to stick to it. One day i decided to take a week to just do whatever he wanted and used a baby care chart to record what he did and when. I found that he was in fact very much in a routine, just not the one i thought he should be. After i found HIS particular pattern, and stopped trying to fight him into an artificial routine, he was wonderful. Might not work, but i think it's worth a shot

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Susan - posted on 02/07/2010

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Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! We never set a routine for Lily, she set her own. We were lucky that she never had her days and nights confused and she's always been a great sleeper and napper. I say let your baby lead the way to guiding a "routine." I never kept a chart or anything, I just let her sleep when she wanted she woke up when she wanted and has continued on the same sleeping pattern for over a year now. she's 16 months old. She usually takes one nap during the day somewhere between 11 and 1 and then my little party animal is in bed by 7 lol and sleep until 6:30-7 the next morning.

Sarah - posted on 02/06/2010

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At 3 months i didn't really set a routine til he was alot older. he slept when he wanted which was alot. After a while when you know when he is hungry and alert you will start picking up on how you want your day to go. Its actually pretty easy to set one. Just go with the flow for now he/she is still real young.

Christal - posted on 02/06/2010

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Rita- no I am a stay at home mom, but we just moved in here and between trying to unpack, care for our son, work out, get everything in order for dad so he can go to work, clean house, go get my step daughters every other weekend, plan a birthday and etc 1am seems to be when I get everything done. It no problem about the confusion I should have worded things better.

Mendy - posted on 02/06/2010

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Hi Christal,
try to set a routine for him basically your routine can be his you just have to stick to it.as far as sleeping in his own bed let him stay there he will cry, you and your husband have to be firm and strong stick to it.Do not give in once you feed him,burp him and made sure his diaper is clean you leave him in his bed.

Rita - posted on 02/06/2010

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It had sounded by you post that maybe you were working. I wasnt sure if you were working until 1:00 am....sorry for the confusion.
Awww babies go through phases, if Daddy's interactions are all fun ones, he might not cry for Daddy? My son did that too at a very young age, and that is when my husband started doing the bath and play time.
My boys hated tummy time....omg, that is not fun if they refuse....might happen, you might have to lay right there and play if he resists....
as far as Mommy and Daddy time.....here and there, butfor me, we added a thrid child....and Mommy and Daddy time is once in a blue moon. I am lucky if I can hold a 5 minute un interrupted conversation with my husband at dinner time.
Good luck.....They are truely blessings,, I really love being a Mom.

Christal - posted on 02/05/2010

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This is not his 1st child he has four daughters and he was there for everyone of them. We are happy I just know its time to start him on tummy time, and a routine. As for someone to watch our son in the afternoon there is no reason for that cause we are both here. Its not that we are to busy I just want him to have time with daddy.

Rita - posted on 02/05/2010

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Wow....These critters really change your life. First things first....Get him to sleep a 10 hour night.....so this means...no sleeping right before bed time. You will need to make about 2 hours of time available just prior to his bed time to keep him busy and awake!

I gave my son a warm bath, and played for about 20 minutes or so while he was in the tub, get him dressed and then play....play, play , play....read to them peek a boo...what ever. most of the time it was me telling my husband to not let the baby fall asleep and we both took turns keeping him awake until the established bed time, but not longer than 2 hours...or that would be crewl to a new baby...so keeping them awake to play and a bath for 2 hours is fine. Repeat the routine...I can list my routine, and I stick to it like glue, I dont deviate from it, because the baby will eventually learn.....from it, he/she will know, bath...play, read books with Daddy, bed....and that is how THEY are able to understand time, and what they need to do.

Christal...are you working? if you are, it is more difficult, if you are not follow a plan like what I list

8a get up, feed baby breakfast...bottle & change

9a drink your own coffee and read the paper while baby sits in bouncy seat

10 clean up, play with baby

11am feed next bottle or breast, and put baby in for a nap

11:30 exercise...so very important, make time any thing, just do it...if you are allowed by doc.

12:30 jump in shower and get out, laundry or clean 1 room

1:30 eat lunch feed baby again, play with baby

3:00 rest, clean

4:00 husband comes home greet & hang for a while, another feeding for baby, another nap...good time, so you have daddy time Nookie time if it is gonna happen, cause waiting until you are Exhausted much later.......never fun! Men, they dont care what time.

5:00 make dinner

6:00 eat & clean dishes

7:30 bath for baby, now keep awake with bath and play for about 2 hours

9:30 or earlier if baby is tuckered, put baby to bed...good and tired from the bath and play time with Mommy and Daddy or one or the other. Feed baby a good bottle or rice cereal when old enough to do so, and go to bed AS SOON AS BABY does!

Hope this helps.....

Oh....Never stimulate a baby's mind in the middle of the night. My own baby is 7 mo, sleeps well for me, if he wakes I nurse him a bit and put him right back down I do not turn on a light or change him through the night unless he soaks through(which is never for mine) no TV while feeding, keep it completely dark and get them to go right back to sleep. My 7 mo old is my 3 rd child.....Let me tell you I learned these things after having 3 of them....just as you are saying, it is not easy to establish a routine, and get going, figure it out and you will get through it. Most first time mom's have quite a learning experience with their first...I sure did the first time, so never be hard on yourself!

Oh...and let Daddy work it out with baby on his own. My husband always does the fun bath time , while I clean dishes from dinner. Work as a team!

Brenda - posted on 02/05/2010

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Be patient about your baby wanting your attention and care more than Dads right now. It sounds like Dad is busy and some Dads -deep inside-are scared of their new little addition. My husband developed "frozen shoulder" trying to hold onto the baby when they were small. I swear he actually thought the child would break in his arms.
There's mega advise out there about scheduales and do's and don'ts - follow your heart for you and baby.
Another sad but natural truth is some Dads get a little uneasy that time isn't focused on them anymore. It's a difficult transition for some fathers and the mothers too. Romance kinda takes a hiaitus for while-that's natural. Dad has to learn he has an active role in parenting even if he's the breadwinner. he's still a new Dad too. If he's uncomfortable handling baby-baby probably senses it. They'll pair up in time. Now Dad has a responsibility too support you and the time it takes you to parent.
My daughter once told me some wise words that stay ingrained in my mind and heart.
"Husbands and wives come and go but your children are yours forever"
Yes, I'm still with him but the words are true. Once we begin the journey of parenthood we have a responsibility to the child we brought into this world.
Every mom deserves a break too. May you and hubby could arrange for someone you are both comfortable with and trust to watch baby for evening. Rest is equally important for you as it is for baby and Dad.
Happy parenting- Your life is on an amazing journey-embrace and enjoy
Don't woory Mom and Dad will finally have some alone time and times that they need to be there for one another as the child challeges them or somthing challenges the child.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hi Chrisal, Check out www.saveoursleep.com. Tizzie Hall's book. Did wonders for me. Cheers and wishing you well.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hi Chrisal, Check out www.saveoursleep.com. Tizzie Hall's book. Did wonders for me. Cheers and wishing you well.

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