i need some input

Kimberly - posted on 10/21/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i am so sick of people who think being a stay at home mom is easy its so not. i have 3 kids 3 and under and im going to school online im having a hard time with a routine everyday i get so sick of cleaning and cooking and i dont want to go anywhere i get depresswed and mad at my husband cause he dont help that much ii dont know if this makes any sense but i need some input on routines and deppression and being a hermit

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Carolee - posted on 10/21/2009

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I have depression and anxiety issues, and I rarely get out of the house, as well. What I do is hobbies. I crochet a lot, or I have "art time" with my son (I know it's a lot different when you have more kids) and draw and color. It's just something to break up the day, kind of like giving yourself a treat, because it's something that you truly enjoy doing. I'm not brave enough to attempt school again yet, so I am extremely impressed with that! Lexipro helped a lot with the depression. It didn't take it away, which I liked. I still felt like myself. I just wasn't as bothered by the little things as much. I don't like the meds that make you feel like you're just kind of watching your life instead of living it. Talk to your doctor about the depression part. The cleaning... I'm not big on cleaning (I have back problems and can't do it a lot of times), but I will watch TV while my son's asleep and clean during the commercials. It breaks it up, and I don't hurt too much, plus I'm entertained in between. Try a lot of different things. Every once in a while, you just need to shake things up to get yourself out of a rut.

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Myra - posted on 10/21/2009

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I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost 15 years, and I'm only 29. Routines are very hard to establish when dealing with depression...even harder when you have a spouse that doesn't really help you out when you need it. My advice is to leave the kids with your husband for the afternoon one day when he's home. Just leave them. Walk out the door, and go somewhere to be alone and think about what you want and what you see as the biggest issue. The next part is very hard to do, but you have to put your foot down (no matter how much resistance you get from anyone else), and do what you need to do. The happier you are, the happier your entire household will be, so do what you need to do to be happy.

I have been on and off all kinds of medications in the last 15 years, and none really helped, so I don't recommend meds...especially if the problems are situational (and yours sound to be since you have things that can make you down). I do recommend becoming more into your spiritual side, as well as expressing yourself creatively - even if you think you possess no artistic or creative talent.

As far as being a hermit, you just have to get out there. I don't have any real life friends, but I do make small talk with people everytime I go out to help me feel more connected. Just making that connection may help you, too, even if it never develops into a friendship.

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It sounds like you have alot going on, don't allow yourself to get depressed (talk to you doc about that) try sitting with hubby and explain to him whats going on you need sometime if you're doing school and have 3 kids under three that is alot of stress, you need some me time just for mom, if you don't want to get out than at least give yourself 10 minutes to breath and be alone try some self appreciation things make a list of all the things you like about yourself, pat yourself on the back for taking on so much w/school and kids (This has helped me alot to realize how much I enjoy my life and my kids) the cleaning is more fun with kids if you sing a clean up song, after doing this my 5 and 3 year old sing along and help put things away, so it makes it easier on you. Just remember you're only one person and you can only do so much. don't sweat the small stuff. smile you're doing fine

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