I need urgent adoption advice!!!!

Meagen - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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ok so as some of you know my husband and i adopted our son Stuart, well we are still in the process of it and our social worker is coming over wednesday do inspect the house and check on the baby and follow up on the homestudy, we are both incredibly nervous and scared of screwing this up, any advice anyone could give we would be forever grateful, i mean what do we say or do, how should our house look like? HEEELLPPPPP!!! lmao

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Renae - posted on 12/09/2009

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I should have read your post sooner. I have seen it several times but assumed it was about the adoption process, which I know nothing about. But social workers, well I know a little bit.

The social worker is looking for hygiene. A generally clean home, that is regularly cleaned. She doesn't expect spotless, its ok to have some laundry lying around and a bit of mess, she expects a normal family home. A cause for concern to her would be if something looked like it hadn't been cleaned for a year like a disgusting shower or toilet or a month's worth of dishes on the sink.

Next thing she is looking for is safety. If you have stairs then she would expect to see a safety gate. Have all dangerous chemicals and cleaning products locked away or high in a cupboard, same goes for the medicine cabinet make sure baby cant get into it. Go around the house and make sure every room is safe.

Next thing is that you have all the equipment to look after a baby. I don't know how old Stuart is but if he's a baby then she wants to see a cot, change table, clothes, general baby stuff that shows you know how to care for his basic needs. It can't hurt for her to also see he has some nice toys and books.

After all the practical stuff, she is then looking to see how well your new little family is coping. Is Stuart happy? Does he interact well with his new mum and dad? So if he was scared of you that would be a cause for concern for her. How do mum and dad seem, are you stressed out or are you coping well at being parents? The best you can do for this part is calm down, be yourself, interact normally with your child like you do any other day (don't go over the top). Be natural! Don't stress about being nervous on the day, the social worker knows this is a nervous time for you, she sees it every day and she won't hold it against you.

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Tanya - posted on 12/12/2009

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i think adoption is beautiful. What a treasured thing for u and the child to experience. My mother adopted 2 boys (my brothers) so i have witnessed first hand all the highs and lows of adoption ... i really think your tiggerific and so strong!

I think u should just be urself, try to remember that if its meant to be it will happen because u were being ur self and not trying to win like a trophy!

its all about communication. The questions they ask you are going to be soley about raising the child!

Lacy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Just relax, i'd just make sure everything is baby safe and clean. And as long as your baby is happy that should help too! You don't want them to sense your nervousness...good luck and hang in there!

Lexi - posted on 12/11/2009

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don't be uberneat-- it looks like you're trying too hard, remember you just had a child, no one is perfect. have any questions/concerns ready (write them down) so you don't forget them. Most of all BE YOURSELF!! You've already got yyour son so they already know y'all are wonderfull people. Best wishes and congratulations :)

Kelly - posted on 12/10/2009

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By now your visit has come and gone (unless it got postponed for some reason), so you don't really need advice. I just wanted to say that we adopted one of our four, though our adoption was through Social Services, which I have heard takes even longer than a private adoption. She was placed in our home at 17 months old, and her adoption wasn't final until she was 33 months old. Needless to say, we were anxious the entire time for it to be official and complete. But it was all worth it, and yours will go through just fine too. The social workers really do want to see the adoption work out, they love helping families be built! Enjoy your little man, and just remember, you will never really relax again in the same way that you could before you were a mom. Being a mom means realizing that the most important things in the world are completely out of your control most of the time. It is the most fulfilling task in the world, but I personally could not get through it without a lot of prayer! Best of luck to you in your adoption process!

Helen - posted on 12/10/2009

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be how u would b if i was ur biological baby keep all harmful an dangerous things out the way ave a good hoover an general tidy up but dont go over top my health visitor came other week to do a 2yr check on me lil man an totaly caught me off guard she had sent a letter but postal strick so dint get it there were toys every where a awful smell of a filled nappy i answered the door wiv the nappy a nappy an wipes in my hand i couldn stop apologiseing enough for the smell an the mess of toys but she said it was nice to see an that the kids clearly live in a normal house hold an that i was busy as i should b wiv 4 lol so dont worry im sure they will praise u on ur efforts of looking after ur lil one

Denae - posted on 12/10/2009

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Hi Meagan. I agree with what these other Moms are saying. RELAX! It's natural to be nervous but if you worry, you will stress yourself out & you want to show her how much you love your son, so be yourself. If you are stressed to the max, he (your son) will pick up on it. Safety, relatively clean (not a neat freak) & how your son reacts to you are the most important things I think she will be looking for. Remember, she DOES want to make this work. I honestly think that you will be fine. Take a deep breath, it's going to be ok! You may even want to take an hour or so the night before, just for yourself, so you'll feel better. Maybe a relaxing bath, reading or whatever you do just for you. You have a precious son, and they are such a blessing! Congratulations!

Sarah - posted on 12/09/2009

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I am a social worker that works for an adoption agency. DON'T WORRY!! :) Just be yourselves. The house should look like it normally does. Many social workers have kids of their own, so they know how it is when your attention is on your child and not the house cleaning. Look at your social worker as someone that is there to help and support you. They want the placement to succeed. I always hope that during the home study process the family gets to know me well enough and feel comfortable with me that if they are ever struggling with something they can always call and ask for support or guidence. I am a parent myself and have been truely greatful for those people that I can go to for advice and support. Parenting is not easy and adoptive parenting has it's own set of joys and challenges, it is just nice to be able to talk to someone that can relate. So just relax and enjoy the visit. PS....these are the visits that us social workers love doing.

Roberta - posted on 12/09/2009

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we adopted, went through the same thing, trust me, don't worry about it. I hope it goes well. They are trained to read people - what they do and dont say, their actions, etc... so please just be yourself, and admit you are nervous. they will appreciate your honesty.

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you have given blessing to this child already and have received as well!!.. be ur sweet self.. a home is lived in unlike just a house.. u r parents of a wonderful child.. dont worry about slight messes and how you speak.. be urself.. a mother now.. thats all you need

Jacque - posted on 12/09/2009

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Meagan, Hi and please try and stop worrying!! I know (adoptive parent) easier said than done...Trust me though seriously, The Lord has a way of holding our hands and working it out..Your love for your child is most important, and that is truly what matters.. As long as your home environment is safe and clean just leave the rest to God..Let go--Let God... It will all be perfect and you are in my prayers...Love, Jacque

Karissah - posted on 12/08/2009

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be confident, be urself. do the things u normally do. have ur house the way it normally is dnt try over clean otherwise they will no thats what u done for that day. just be urself. and dnt stress. hope everything goes well.

Kelsey - posted on 12/07/2009

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Try not to be nervous, they will see it and think you have something to hide. But Im sure there isnt anything to worry about. Unless your house is unsanitary or obviously dangerous you should be just fine. My fiances ex who had a daughter (not his) left a straightning iron on the floor and her daughter burned her foot on it. The house had garbage on the floor and was extremely unkept and cluttered. A social services lady came to inspect the situation and nothing ever happened. Im sure you are nothing like that and you dont need to be nervous.

Meagen - posted on 12/07/2009

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lmao thank you jane and to all who have helped me i really dont know what i would do without circle of moms or you guys to go to for advice it's nice to know that im not the only one freaking out here and worrying about everything!

Jane - posted on 12/07/2009

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first of all, congratulations! secondly, i'm sure they expect that you guys are anxious. your house should look however it usually looks. it's tough keeping a house in order when you have little ones. that all doesn't come until they're in school full-time and out from under foot. i would think that as long as the house is generally clean and safe for your child then you'll be just fine.

the hair-pulling is just plain parenting - nothing to do with adoption. ;)

Meagen - posted on 12/07/2009

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thank you guys for all of your advice, we're not going through an agency we're going through a private adoption, and we are also worried about things like making enough money, and background checks lmao this whole thing is so stressful i want to pull my hair out!

Brandy - posted on 12/07/2009

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They are more worried about anything illegal, unsanitary (and I don't just mean dirty, I mean unhealthily dirty), or dangerous living conditions. Just do your routine tidying and be yourself. Act the same way you always would with your child.

Crystal - posted on 12/07/2009

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Our oldest daughter is adopted, and our home study they looked for meds put up and cleaning supplies in a safe place. Things that were really safety issues. Just be natural and things will go great! Many parents I spoke with stressed when it really wasnt that bad. Good luck!!!

Dora - posted on 12/07/2009

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I would think the most important thing would be that you have a safe house for a child and that she sees the love you have for your son. I have a friend that was adopted and I had a neighbor who adopted 2 children plus I have a cousin who is adopted. The common thread seems to be the relationship between them and their adoptive parents. I am sure you love your son very much and that is what she will be looking for. You need to remember she is solely interested in the welfare of this child, your child. What would you be looking for if you had to leave your child in someones care of an extended period of time? Safety and affection and love. I am sure you will convey all three! Just relax and let her see the great Mother you are to your son. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 12/07/2009

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Just be natural. If it's TOO clean then it's not going to look natural at all or lived in but make sure there is nothing dirty laying around. Vacuum wash windows mop floors clean the abthroom hang up all your clothes and make sure there aren't any on his floor in his room that need to be cleaned. Just everyday things i guess. We are looking in to adoption and i would love to add you as a friend to see how your process was tp actually get approved fro adoption adn what you had to do to get on the list. If that's ok add me to yuro circle so we can keep in touch.

Just be yourselves as far as how yuo're suppossed to talk and whatnot. You got chosen to adopt a child and that alone is a big decission for them to make. They obviously choose you guys for a reason so don't lose sight of how you were during the beginning process.Good lcuk!!!

Shandy - posted on 12/07/2009

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Be who you are, if you try to be something your not it will show. Good luck I'm sure its stressful! :)

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