I think bf is cheating

Melissa - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a mother of 4. my bf and i have 3 children together.my bf works 48 hour shifts then another job on the side and he works sooo much we never see him hardly. I recently seen that he has joined dating sites and i busted him and he said he wil never do it again. well again i see he has been looking at personal ads and looking at alot of porn. i dont trust him i think he is cheating on me and i want to leave but im a stay at home mom and dont have no money. He is my money and i wont go without our 4 kids. What are my options with this?

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Navy - posted on 08/23/2012

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Hello Melissa.



First, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. As someone whose had to go through it, I understand your hurt and pain. It's hard to find out these things. I would suggest that you confront him about your worries. Pornography and dating sites don't always necessarily mean he is cheating, but he may be just looking for that "quick fix", if you know what I mean. The girls on the dating sites may not mean anything more than a quick encounter to him, but that does not forgive the issue. He needs to be confronted with your feelings. If he shows no remorse or signs of regret, I would be a little worried. In my case, my husband knew he had screwed up big time when I found out he had been talking, flirting, and exchanging photo's of themselves online. I knew about the woman before, and he assured me it was just a gaming friend, but I knew better. I told him to watch out before he got sucked into something bigger than him and ended up hurting us both. Well he didn't listen, and did exactly what I knew he would. In the end I was beyond devastated and upset. It was his life lesson to learn though, and I knew he was truly regretful of his decisions. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong since he wasn't having sex with her and she was in another country or what not. I eventually forgave him, because I had been in a similar situation when I was younger, and knew how easy it was to want to flirt with guys online and then it end up going places you didn't intend it to go. It's just a life lesson.



If he tells you he's cheating or you find further evidence, you can either confront him and seek help in counseling, or leave. There are plenty of options out there if you leave. Shelter help, church help, family help. I know not everyone, myself included, has those luxuries, but there ARE options. You aren't stuck. No one should have to stay in a loveless relationship where the guy could decide to walk out at any time. But I would talk about it with him. See how serious he is in your relationship together. With four kids, I would say, definitely try and work through things, but if it seems hopeless and he doesn't care. I would make preparations to leave, to be honest. I've been in a loveless relationship once before, had no kids, but the guy was clingy as F**K, so it wasn't easy getting out of it. Eventually I did though, and I'm so grateful now. If I had ended up having any kids by that man, I think I would have killed myself by now. To be brutally honest. Lol.



Hope you can get to the bottom of the issues with him and discuss things. And that he's willing to get help or stop all together. Most all of the time though, it's just a guys angsty way of telling you he's mad cause he's not getting any. In my opinion. Lol. But good luck!

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