I Think My BIL Is Trying To Make Us Jealous

Anna Haillie - posted on 07/25/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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At first it was simply an odd feeling around my BIL and his wife, but now it's getting pretty blatant.
My BIL and his wife got pregnant while he was a Senior in High School so they got married and started a life together. I didn't know them during this time. I met my husband three years ago and we got married five months later and pregnant on our honeymoon. We called all of our family members and announced the pregnancy to those who answered. We sent text messages to those who didn't answer. After a day or so I announced it online and we were happily congratulated by almost all. My BIL's wife made a public comment on my post scolding me and chewing me out for not telling them first and them having to find out online. At first I was livid that she would belittle me in such a public way then remembered those lovely Delete and Unfriend options. Before I unfriended her I sent her a message explaining very politely that what she did was inappropriate and I can't risk her doing something like that again in front of so many wonderful people in my life. She freaked out, of course.
There were maybe two attempts to be nice after that, but she couldn't fake or long enough, I guess. Then my BIL started trying to make my husband jealous by buying the very motorcycle he wanted (which has been repo'd), taking trips while leaving his wife and daughter behind, going on motorcycle trips with my enabler FIL, and now just bought a boat. What's eating at us, though, is that we KNOW he isn't making enough to afford these things and I'm straight up worried that he'sgoing to be taken to court by whoever is giving him so much money. I mean, he has spent easily $15k in the last month and he was recently fired for stealing copper wire from his job. So his wife's wealthy father made a job for him at one of his businesses.
Also, they have told their daughter to never speak to me, so during family events when I smile at her and great her, she gives me a stone cold glance and keeps walking. She's 6!!! One time in the middle of a huge family gathering she went up to my MIL and said "Mommy and Daddy said you don't like us." I almost died laughing because the other day my BIL told my husband that I better not embarass them (whatever that means).
They never invite us anywhere, yet get really mean and bitter when we are near the same town as they and don't invite them out. They even ignored me at my daughter's birthday party while trying to steal the spotlight and make sure they never left my MIL's side. It was vulgar. I think they were angry that 20 people came to the birthday party (even friends who didn't have children) and it was a huge hit, yet only a few family members came to any of their daughter's birthday. I don't think they understand how badlt they drive people away with their attitudes.
I know I'm bouncing around a bit in this post, but it's getting so garbled in my head today. I mainly hate it for my husband because this is his little brother that he took care of and helped feed by hunting when there was no money for groceries. My husband makes more money than my BIL and wife combined so it gets under his skin and makes him feel like a bad provider when his brother is dropping stacks in frivolous items and trips. I grew up in a wealthy family, but NO ONE got handouts. We were also taught that money is never given and to avoid people who offer it too freely. There is always a string attached. I'm tired of being the only BS detector.

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Anna Haillie - posted on 07/27/2017

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And believe me, I have no interest in competing with them. It's stupid and a waste of time, money and energy. I leave my in-laws completely out of it, but my BIL recently asked my FIL who the favorite son was and that totally ticked me off. My FIL has done nothing but spoil my BIL rotten in an effort to make sure he'll still be allowed to see their daughter!

Anna Haillie - posted on 07/27/2017

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I guess I should've clarified. I'm not comparing. I'm confused. I have never been treated this way by anyone and I'm trying to figure out why this is happening.

Susan - posted on 07/27/2017

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Remember, "Nothing changes if nothing changes." And you can only change how you interact with your BIL and SIL; you can't count on them to change. Unfortunately, it sounds like all of this has also put your FIL and MIL and grandchildren in the middle. You and your husband have the opportunity to stop it all by taking competition and money and attention out of the relationships. It's more important to focus on the health of your marriage, your parenting, and relationships with your older family members than it is to focus on who spends what on what and for whom and who makes more than whom. Really, why count? I hope this doesn't sound harsh. I just see it as opportunity to lead your family life with love and break the cycle of this competitive atmosphere. By not discussing these things or participating in any way at all, it will take time, but other family members will follow your lead--especially your children--and how they will view monetary comparisons down the road. Send prayers to lead in love with your words that will help them do the same.

Michelle - posted on 07/25/2017

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The best thing to do is to ignore them and let them fail on their own.
You and your husband should live your life and not worry about petty people.

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