I think my boyfriend is using me.

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I think my boyfriend is using me until our son goes to school or he turns 18 so he doesn't have to pay for daycare or child support. He never shows any affection to me unless I start it (hugs, kissing, or saying I love you). He has never told me that I am pretty or attractive. So that leaves me to assume he isn't attracted to me. He has even told me that if he knew how little I knew about technology before we started dating he wouldn't even have considered dating me. He has also told me that he never wants to marry me after over four years together and a son that is almost three. He doesn't help out with our son much or the house. He works full time and I watch my two nephews to pay for rent. He acts like I sit around not doing anything all day. If something goes wrong it's always my fault. He says things like why didn't you tell me (about a bill or insurance) he doesn't remember because he was to busy playing on the computer. I have talked to him about this many times and he always turns it around on me saying he isn't appreciated and gets no thanks. I'm under so much stress right now and just don't know what to think or do. I really think he plans on leaving me but I don't want to be left high and dry so to speak. I don't have a real job to support me and my son if that happens. Advice?

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Kvolm2016 - posted on 06/01/2016

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You mentioned that you try to talk to him about the way things are now and he doesn't handle that well. Have you ever tried to ask him about when or why his feelings for you changed? If there is some resentment he has toward you because of your son then that will probably require some professional counseling to repair your relationship. What do you think?

[deleted account]

There was definitely a time when we were great. It seems like everything started going down hill after I got pregnant with our son. He never wanted kids but I know he loves our son.

Kvolm2016 - posted on 06/01/2016

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Hi Clara. I'm sorry you are experiencing all these challenges in your relationship. You describe the way things are now so I wonder if things used to be different between you? Do you feel like there was a time in your relationship when things were good?

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2016

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Sorry but that has so many red flags for me, I would have left ages ago.
You don't have to stay, YOU can be the one to leave. When you do, make sure you get custody, visitation and child support sorted out ASAP. You can discuss things with a lawyer before you leave as well.
You have said you think he plans to leave, you should get in first.
You have also said that he won't marry you, why would you stay with someone who doesn't want to commit to you?
Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to stay together.

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