I want a second baby and my husband not so much.

Kristin - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So I have an wonderful husband and a 20 month old son. Me and my husband had always just talked about having one child. But since my son was born I've been craving another one. And I have talked to him about it over and over again but he just looks at all the negative things. Reasons why we shouldn't have another one. But really I'm just sad when all these other mommy's are pregnant . I really need some good advise on what to do.. Help

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Indira - posted on 09/16/2009

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I understand your situation but you have to come to an understanding with your husband as well. I know you want to satisfy your need of another child, but you have to respect his to. Sit him down one more time and lay out all the positive VISUALLY men don't listen very well nor understand. If you write out all the positives and then write the negatives you guys can sit down and discuss it all. Plus he will see it instead of listen to it. If he still feels that he does not want another child. Then ask him why? and and explanation for it. If nothing, then wait another month or so and then ask if his thoughts about it has changed at all. But don't get over annoying with it, it can be very stressful to him being asked the same thing over and over. Which can cause fights and arguments and you don't want that. It took me forever to convince my husband but in a way that he didn't notice i was pushing it on him.

Bridgette - posted on 09/16/2009

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Wait while you can. If the issue bothers him it can end up messing up your marriage. My kids are ages 3.5 years, 20 months, and 6 weeks. (the youngest was an oops)! We only wanted 2 but what else could we do but say..."here we go again."



Don't let your feelings and emotions control you. You have a husband and a son to give your attention to. Wait for now, then allow your husband to warm up to the idea.



If you want professional advice visit www.drlaura.com and get the number to call her. She promotes families, stay at home moms, and the marriage.

Jennifer (Elle) - posted on 09/15/2009

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Kristin,

I definitely relate to your circumstances. I'd advise first off, if you've been bringing it up a lot, or if it's a "hot button issue" at this point, I'd take a week or two off and not mention anything at all. Then...perhaps tell him that it's important to you to discuss it and can you schedule a time when you can be together, out (without the child), when neither of you are tired or stressed to talk about it some more.
When you go to talk about it with him try laying off on telling him your wants and feelings and just open up the discussion to hear from him. If he's not totally opposed to the idea but just has some concerns (ie: I'm terrified you're going to disappear into mommyland again and we won't be able to have sex for months again...) then it's important for you to listen to (not argue with) and validate his concerns. Ask him, when he's finished venting, if you can work through his concerns and issues together - and that if they can be solved he would consider having another child. If the answer is yes - well fabulous - then you have your path laid out - deal with each issue, one at a time and resolve to create solutions. If his answer is no - I'd suggest some counseling to help you through and to making life choices that work for both of you.

I hope this helps - if I can be of more service please let me know!

Best,
Elle Taviv
Post Partum Doula, Relationship Coach
www.thewrymama.blogspot.com

Esmeralda - posted on 09/15/2009

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hi kristin i have an idea of what you are going through.

having a child is a wonderful thing, i have 3, and expecting my fourth at the moment. my husband only wanted 3 children, but i wanted that 1 more.

but i can see a man's point of view.

before we started trying for this baby, it took me almost 1 year to convince him. at first i tried several approaches, but none worked. then after 6 months, my son was almost 2 years that time, i asked why he did not want more children. he said he was afraid of me 'being cut open' (i had 3 c-sections) and suffering afterwards with the pain. i had a difficult pregnancy on my third baby, and that was his biggest fear. i also have to add that my kids were quite close together, all of them were exactly 18 months when i had their following sibling. so with this pregnancy being different, not being soo stressed and all, and i convinced him that i am able to handle it, i am strong kind of approach made him change mind.

so my advise to you is to try to put yourself in your mans shoes, and when you are in, you are more able to understand their reason's for not wanting another one, and when you know the exact reason why they don't want another one, you can takle it from there. for example some men say that it's because of the financial commitment, or because of you not having time together, so try to convince them when you know the 'real reason'. it helped me, and thankfully i am expecting my 4th child.

[deleted account]

Hej Kristin, I have a 4 and 3/4 year old son. Since he was 2 I wanted another one desperately. It seemed to be an ongoing subject between my husband and I until I sat him down and told him how much it meant to me and what it would mean for my son to have a brother or sister. After much discussion he has come around and we home to try in the near future. I'm sure your husband is still trying to overcome the nappies and the sleepless nights.. they seem to imprint on a mans brain more so than a mothers lol.

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