I want to have another child so badly and my husdan is 50/50 how do i get him to be onbord

Sarah - posted on 03/27/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hey Im in desprat need of advice. My daughter is 4 years old already and my maternal instint has been going crazy in other words my mommy clock is RINGING like crazy!!!!! My husband is an only child and i have a sister. I want a sibling for my daughter. My hubby feels she would be find and we could afford to do more with only 1 child. He always had a nabor to play with. I feel my fmaily is not compleat yet both myself and my daughter want a baby. I played a april fools joke 2 years ago and he was so happy. I just don't know how to talk to hime about it. I see what he's saying when he talks about money and when they go to college and need a car and car ins. But the way I look at it were theres a will theres away.I don't know if im being selfish. But I don't want my kids more than 5 years appart... Im staying home i was layed of 5 months ago and i cant find anything so im watching my husbands cus daughter 2 times a week. Amy is going to be going to pre school full time in sept if she gets in. PLEASE HELP am i being conseded or not and how do i talk to him about this he knows i want 2 kids

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Kristin - posted on 03/27/2010

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Just talk honestly with him about it. It is lovely of him to want to help with their post high school education, but you don't have to. Kids do not have to have a car. That's a priviledge, not a right. If you do get them a car, they should have to contribute to paying for the insurance and all of the maintenance. Cars are a huge responsibility and years down the road.

Anyway, there are lots of things to discuss and if you take some time to collect your thoughts outside of "I want baby NOW," you can have a calm discussion with him. One thing you, and only you, will need to let go of is the timeline. It may just not work out that way. Also, you will only be selfish about this if you go ahead and get pregnant on purpose without getting his agreement.

Good luck.

Julie - posted on 03/27/2010

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In reading your subject caption - How do I get my husband to be on board - he sounds like he's been willing to discuss whether or not to have another child and the pros/cons of another. These are good things. If he is genuinely not interested in having another, you can't trick him into it, it would be deceptive to the both of you, your daughter and your marriage. These are things you already know. My husband & I were debating whether to have another child, he was an only child & I've got a sister. We made "appointments" to discuss the topic, neutral environment & no pressure. We discussed different aspects at each meeting. We typically had a week/10 days in between as a time out zone that afforded us each to think about what the other had said & examine our feelings. In the end we did not feel resentment or frustration toward each other, we were proud of how we worked thru a very difficult & monumental decision. I wish you the very best of luck in working thru your decision with your husband and hopefully you'll both be "on board" with whatever outcome you both decide is best.

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Shanon - posted on 03/30/2010

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I had a similar problem with my husband. His main problem was also the money issue. So I found a way to work from home, and we are now expecting our second child in May! Our babies will be 3 years apart. But maybe looking for a way to make some money from home would help ease his mind! If you want some information, please don't hesitate to ask!

Shanon Rice

Sarah - posted on 03/30/2010

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should I give him a month (by June) that he has to think about having another and by that month if he hasn't decided to just go for it?

Nichole - posted on 03/30/2010

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Time, with the economy and everything, I think he probably just wants to make sure he can provide enough for his family, so they can have everything he never did(:

Sarah - posted on 03/30/2010

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thanks everyone Im taking everything in and really like all the advice im just trying to find away to talk to him wiht all this info that i have receaved.

Jane - posted on 03/30/2010

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well, it sounds to me like he heard you, and is contemplating the issue....him, being the sole bread winner right now, (you said you just got layed off)im sure he feels the pressure....it is only normal that he feels that...be thankful that you have a wonderful hubby who thinks of the future, and not just in the moment.....sounds like you have a great relationship.....anyway, dont put a time limit on yourself, it will happen when it is supposed to.....also, i understand the one child thing....your baby you have now is just getting old enough to start doing other activities....ball, dance, school, etc....it takes a lot of money and time.....yes you can do more with one, but can do for 2 also.....i, like your hubby, believe in givving to your children when they get older.....i had 3 boys, and 2 stepkids...as long as they were going to school, and doing good, i felt like that was their job...when they were a junior in high school we got them a car....paid the ins...etc...as long as they did their part, i would pay it...when they didnt go to college, they had to pick up the ins. theirself...i would have paid as long as they were in school, including college.....my mom did the same for us, actually even longer....we all have things we want to do for our children...he just has to figure it out in his head, to be able to see a way to do for both of them.....just keep playing around with the idea, and see...it will work out for the way it was meant to be.......

Faith - posted on 03/29/2010

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Don't be offended please but you need to take the advice and get rid of the time lock your feeling. I know where you are coming from. After we had our 2nd (19 months apart) I knew that I wanted to wait but not super long. I had MY timeline plan and it didn't workout and honestly I am very glad. Many things came up along the way to make this part as short as possible. Anyway after about 2 yrs of talking to my hubby and both of us getting on the same page we did eventually try and have our 3rd. Go figure we thought we were going to be money stable for a while, some housing things happened with our 2nd house and we foreclosed and filed bankruptcy WHILE I was pregnant. So I can say that no matter what you plan, things will always happen. lol :) This is selfish but you have to completly express WHY and think through why you really want another baby. Are you just suffering from baby-itis b/c of the baby boom? I thought I would go mad seeing all the pregnant women walking around for the 3yrs we waited. Obviously check and run your budget. I too had to pay my own way and I think it made me a better person, than to be given things. So that was in our planning as well when we were thinking on planning the 3rd.
Your daughter might think its fun having a prosective baby doll but remember she isn't the one getting up all hours of the night. Remember you need to think past the baby want to your existing "baby." Maybe your hubby is thinking that she will not have enough attention, being raised as an only child makes them see things differently.
To wrap all this up, the wait is something I think that made it even sweeter having my lil guy. I personally wanted to have another baby for soooooo long that when I did finally get pregnant and get to hold him and spend MANNNNNY nights up with him it didnt matter. I finally had my lil guy. Sometimes the waiting sucks, talking it through, but just remember it just makes it sooo much sweeter when you do finally get there. Also my 6 yr old is such a good big brother, he has amazing amounts of patience and love, at 5 he was still in the me me me phase a bit. Plus now that he is in full time kindergarten this year (had the baby in Dec of last yr) I can spend all my time with lil bear during the day while his brothers are at school and no one gets jealous or feels left out! :)
Best of luch no matter how it goes, just remember to be honest and open and willing to listen :)

Julie - posted on 03/29/2010

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This might help. I lost my father a year ago and was so thankful & relieved that I had my sister to sit next to on the pew at his funeral and his internment. We shared the same feelings and we went thru a very painful time in our life together. I could not have survived his death without her. I would still be desparately working through the healing process and not enjoying my life. My sister and I did not have everything growing up, just like you we worked for our cars & schooling. Today, we don't look back and say; gosh, I wish Mom & Dad would have only had one of us so we could have it all, instead, we say; Thank goodness they had us both.
Step outside of the circle and make your list (written) with both your perspective and his. It is frightening financially to have more than one child, especially w/ todays economy. I have a great friend who has 4 kids, they are long on love for one another, have some of the best times and are very creative financially and have had a pretty great life and not missed out. The kids are very grounded.

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2010

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Thanks Girls I understand and would never get prego with out him knowing it has to the 2 of us that want another. I just don't know how to start the talk. We have talked about having another and he just tells me no bc of all the finanshial things he wants to provide for Amy from the car to ins. and college. He was an only child and got everything. I had to buy my first care and pay my ins. College i got a grant. I just need help on starting the talk again. Last weekend he keept bring up you want to be prego right. And every where we went he would see a littel one and say ahhhh how you would look and anything along that. SO idk anymore i know what i want but i can't understand him

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