I want to know how to discipline my child

Sarika - posted on 10/21/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son is 5 yrs old. He just refuses to listen to me. I just want to know how to get the message through to him

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Myra - posted on 10/21/2009

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You have to be the louder, more consistent broken record, and just keep repeating yourself. Consistency is key in discipline.

He's doing his part by not listening. Put down your parental foot, and just don't change your tone or song. It'll take a while, but once he gets it that you mean what you say, he'll more consistently listen...he won't ALWAYS listen because he's a person with his own mind, but, he'll get so he listens most of the time.

The irony with children is just because they listen to one person, it doesn't mean they will with another. For example, my daughter (almost 17mo old) knows not to even go near the garbage can in the kitchen...if she goes to the can, I simply say "no, no" in my "mom voice" (the one I use when I am serious that she shouldn't do something), and she finds something else to do. However, my husband can do the same thing, and she will keep going for it.

Patty - posted on 10/21/2009

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I'm a stepmom of a 11yr old and have a 18mth old and a 4yr old and am currently pregnant. My stepson threw terrible tantrums for his mother (i'm married to his father). My husband and stepsons mom d/n discipline by hitting at all. This was the first for me since I came from an abusive family. I found that structure & consistency is the key. I also found that reward charts work very well. If my 4yr old gets physical I try to devert him to a project or get him to help me. If I cant get him to stop I either hold him to my chest & tell him hitting hurts. If its so bad initally i'll go straight to time outs in his room till he calm down.(I turned his door knobs to the opposite sides so that they lock from the outside, just make sure you have a key inside in case you get locked in:) In the car I give him the silent treatment till he apologizes & if he d/n he goes to time out. One tantrum was so bad in the car that when we got home I made him remove ALL his toys from his room and told him he lost them for 2weeks. The act of having to take his onwn toys out knowing he was loosing them really made an impact. I think your on your way to him out growing this anyway. Good luck

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I agree that structure and routine are important, but stickers will gradually lose their interest! What will you bribe him with when he's a teenager? My older kids are 4 and 6 and they know that Mom doesn't stutter, I don't repeat myself. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you don't want to enforce it, then learn to discipline yourself by not saying anything! For reinforcement the backside is a good place to start- but if you're consistent that becomes almost entirely unneccesary! - as is the crab hold- only works for so long! Make sure each negative behavior produces negative results FOR HIM- not you!

Maggie - posted on 10/21/2009

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Start watching super nanny or nanny 911. They are wonderfully informative on how to enforce discipline and not come across as frightening.

Sarika - posted on 10/21/2009

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Thank you Jennifer for your advice. I will try to use ur advice and see what happens

Theresa - posted on 10/21/2009

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I agree with Jennifer, kids need structure and a set rutine. No matter how busy you are always be consistant with forcing the rules and letting him know there are consequences. If your son is a physical type child there is nothing wrong with physical contact. Many parents may disagree but I for one learned early that if your child is a phyical abusive one there is nothing wrong with putting him or her in a crab hold on the floor until they have calmed down. Nothing wrong with time outs or even a swat across their backside. No matter what method you choose, always and i mean every time thier punishment/consequence is over always go through and make him tell you what he did wrong, give him a hug and tell him you love him. If he doesn't want to at that point then tell him you will be there waiting when he is ready. The first few times are rough but trust me it works! Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2009

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The most important thing in discipline is structure. I find kids like to feel as thoughthey r a part of making rules and getting stickers for rewards to earn a trip to the dollar store. my son is 2 and off bottles,out of diapers and no binky and follows the rules with stickers and a chart. my daughter whom is 8 and adhd and ocd also follows rules and rewad chart because of stickers. good luck

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