i work so hard for my child and my home and give them my best.I do my work with all my heart.Sometimes I tend to loose it when things dont work out inspite of all my efforts.Somehow I feel I am failing,or I am not doing anything extraordinary.Why there is no one close to me who could understand I too could want something for myself.I want to be loved and respected.I want to be aprreciated sometimes and thanked.Is there anyone who feels like me

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Amrit - posted on 07/29/2012

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I have to say that I am blessed that my husband does participate in a lot of the "dirty work" of baby care. He really loves children, and it makes him so happy when he wakes up and plays with our daughter. He doesn't change her all the time, but if I ask him he will, and sometimes he just does it. He isn't afraid of poop, but he sure laughs when it gets on me (I've been letting her go diaper free more often lately, just so she can enjoy summer time).

I am not sure going back to work in itself would earn you the respect that you want- unless that work is something that you really feel passion towards.

The times I have been most unhappy are the times when (thinking back) I realize that I am not doing what my heart tells me to and I have unknowingly lost some degree of respect for myself, thus not commanding a high level of respect from others. But when I changed my attitude toward myself, and respected myself more, not only did I feel better, but I was treated better. The most important respect that we can earn is our own, then after that is the respect of our husbands (and others).

And on that note, I told myself to lose ten pounds, start sleeping and waking on a sane schedule and developing my spiritual practice more so that I can feel the way I want to in my heart. So far I am not there yet. :)

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cooking punjabi food was a challenge for me too.Since I was not born in a punjabi family ,cooking punjabi dishes was rocket science for me.But with time I have learnt to forget my traditional food and love cooking punjabi food.My husband loves paranthas too.Its a long process but I like to cook it when he enjoys eating them.
My husband is not passionate about his job either.He wails away most of his time sitting in the computer playing chess online.It is his addiction and he can give up anything to maintain his passion.I tried to convince a lot of times how useless it is to waste so much of his precious time playing chess online,aloof, in one corner of the house.Forgetting that he has a 4year old daughter and a wife who could use that time making himself and us happy.Sometimes he tends to understand but not for long.It seems as if the system has some kind of spirit which calls him all the time .(funny!I know).
I don't remember my husband changing her diapers ever, when she was that young.He would not clean her poo either.Does your husband do that?May be my husband did,but i could count them those times on my fingertips.
I don't remember my husband buying me a massage either.That is so sweet of your husband.I manage it on my own.
I am so much in love with this man that no matter what, I cant think of a possible life without him, no matter how ignorant he is about me.
So guess there is no other solution then just nag in front of him.I worked in Dell,(itsBPO) till I was 7months pregnant.I liked to work but enjoy being a housewife more.But I have started to think of going to work real soon because I feel that is the only way I could earn some respect for myself.

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looks like we have a lot to share.It was a surprise when I saw your pic,after your 2nd post.You are not an Indian right?You are married to an Indian sikh?Does he tie a turban? or is a cut sardar?
Amrit,I want to share a lot with you.gotta take my girl out to park now.it was so nice knowing you.

Amrit - posted on 07/26/2012

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My husband is Punjabi too. Sometimes I am amazed at how he can sit around waiting for a meal instead of make it himself if I am nursing or busy etc. He will eventually make something, but you would think that I failed in my duty (or maybe I did) because I didn't have everything handled enough to make that meal. Also, I am not native to punjabi cooking, so I get frustrated with my small repretoire quickly, and so does he. I make great italian food, decent "thai" dishes, and creative salads, but of course nothing compares to what you grew up eating, and for him that is bhindi alloo, saag paneer, aloo paranta, etc.. call me lazy but I feel like cooking those dishes for every meal would take up my whole day- not to mention the breaks taken out to nurse, change diapers and entertain my 3month old.
one thing i notice is that since we left india and he came here and found his job (which is not his passion) things have been harder and he is more cranky. i am on edge when he is, but when we are in india, he is pretty happy and gets his "proper food". then it is just me missing my "proper food". We women just deal with those things better, make sacrifices more willingly without asking for recognition and tend to give ourselves selflessly. But we also need to be selfless with ourselves. Not that I am perfect at it. I am feeling overwhelmed and underthanked right now, but there are times that i feel like i might have a balance within myself. The thing that I have learned, and which honestly sorta sucks about life is that we women are the ones charged with holding everything together- beginning with ourselves. because when we fall apart, so do our families, but if we nurture ourselves, then those around us feel our inner peace and happiness and it changes them too. I am trying to develop my inner peace and strength so that i can interact with and uplift my husband in a positive way so that he has the support he needs to nurture and care for our family in his man-way. it is a big weight on our shoulders, but that is why god made women stronger and 16x smarter than men.
My husband bought me a massage yesterday, and took care of our daughter for the hour. She is breastfed only, and got hungry soon after I went in for the massage. I told him that if she was really hungry, to bring her in and I would feed her. He didnt though because he didnt want to interrupt the massage, but after and hour of wailing baby he handed her to me and accusingly said she's been crying for one hour!! Well. (who's fault is that?) Now he knows what I go through day in and day out when it isnt something simple like a wet diaper or hunger- sometimes she just cries and i dont know why and there is no one to hand her to to quiet her down. those are the times i hold her in my arms and feel like crying myself but dont for her sake.
anyway, my life is not exactly the bollywood movie i had fantasized about (where are all the dance scenes?), but nothing ever is. what was your profession? did you enjoy it? does he enjoy his job? if he were really following his heart and dreams, would he be more like your picture of loving father and doting husband?
it is never too late to change the way things are in life. sometimes it just takes hard work, which is scary. also, sometimes people become too accustomed to one another and take each other for granted. it takes a pattern break to look around, tell each other that you love one another and do things a bit differently.

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Hi Amrit! Yes my husband is an I Indian and he is a Punjabi.We were so much in love till I was working.I left my job to look after my baby and him.I always pretended life would be just like those in holly wood movies where you see a cozy little house with a happy papa and happy mama with their happy baby girl.Where papa and mama work together to bring up the baby and keep the house full of love and life.
But feels like I am still chasing my dreams.Sometimes I cry out in silence, but no one here is not even bothered to find out why I don't smile now a days.
Are american too same?May be some are good.But men will be men after all!

Amrit - posted on 07/26/2012

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Is your husband Indian? Mine is, it is a very different life than with an american man- and a lot better in many ways- but sometimes things are still very traditional, and that can get hard.

Amrit - posted on 07/26/2012

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Feels like, gee I take care of our dear baby all night and all day (and love doing so), I make breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, pick up your dishes from all over, massage you when you've had a hard day at work, listen to your troubles and try and help, make appointments, go grocery shopping, keep the appointments, remind you about the things you forgot, and plop on the couch when I get a chance. Then I stay up til 3am to take a shower, wash the dishes, clean the house or do something for me, and what do I hear in the morning? Wake up sweetie, its already 9:00! Didn't you sleep enough? NO. that is my answer. I must sleep more so that I can do this all over again. You don't even have to compliment me, but don't dare insinuate that I have had "enough sleep". A nice hug and a wow you cleaned the house (again) would suffice. I know I am loved and appreciated, but I want to feel it. I have basically come to terms with the fact that being a stay at home mom and wife is a thankless job, and now I really relate to the saying "a woman's work is never done."

I feel ya there momma, but remember, I'm pullin' for ya, and we're all in this together. :)

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