I4 year old boy wants to be a girl

Klfoote1277 - posted on 12/01/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son has been saying he wants to be a girl for 9 months or so but has been persistent about it now since school started. He wants his nails painted he wants his hair to be long and now wants girl clothe and to wear my perfume not daddy's cologne. Today he told me he was a girl "before" and he wants to be a girl now so he can love boys. He has never been around anyone who is gay in fact he has never been made aware that sometimes boys do love other boys, so as u can imagine, I was mind blown over what he had just said to me. My response was that he doesn't have to be a girl to love another boy, and I hugged him. Has anyone else been thru anything like this at this young age? Is it possible that my 4 old remembers a past life as a woman or that at 4 he already knows he's gay? Please any advise out there ?

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Raye - posted on 12/01/2015

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You might try to explain to him that there are different kinds of love. There is love he would have for men in his life like his father, grandfather, brother, other male relatives and good friends. And that love is similar to the love he would have for girls like his mommy, grandmother, sister, other female relatives and good friends. Then there is also a different love that you have toward someone you might want to marry and be your companion. Your response that he didn't have to be a girl to love another boy was true, and is a good start to a conversation. But for him to actually want to paint his nails, wear girl clothes, etc., could hint at him having the gender identity of a girl. At his age, he shouldn't know anything about sexuality, and gender identity is not tied in to sexual preference. It could also just be some kind of role-playing. At 4 y/o, he shouldn't be wearing any perfume or cologne, but let him grow his hair out. Paint his nails with clear polish. Let him wear clothes that are more gender neutral or could be considered a little girly. See if it's just a phase that he will grow out of. If it's not... then love your son no matter what his gender identity or sexual preference might be.

As far as the past life thing, I don't know that I believe in that, but I don't rule it out either. I once has a very vivid sex dream where I was a man having sex with a woman. At climax, it felt "real", at least as near what I could imagine a male orgasm to feel like. I am heterosexual, in that I have only fallen in love with men... but I find some women attractive, and if I weren't in a committed relationship, I wouldn't have any hang-ups about sexual encounters with a woman (except I wouldn't want her thinking I might fall in love with her because I don't think I could). Could that bi-sexual leaning be from a past life where I was a man? Who knows?

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Mary - posted on 04/22/2016

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He is too young for you or him to know anything for sure yet. I have a son alittle older and my mind would be blown too. But I would allow him to express himself however he'd like to at home. And I would only do at home for the time being as people outside the home can be judgmental and cruel. There are a lot of reasons as to why he might be saying what he is and why he is interested in what he is. If he does grow up and want to be a woman, well that will be a beautiful thing that he knew at such a young age. While I think it might be difficult as his parent, no matter how open minded you are, he seems to be a very bright, well loved and incredibly adjusted little guy. How wonderful and proud you should be to have one so young that is so in-tune to himself and his feelings. Def not something to worry yourself about, you guys and him will be just fine.

Mary - posted on 04/22/2016

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I'm trying to sort all these things out myself, so not likely to be much help. My 15 y/o daughter is telling me she is bi-sexual. I'm struggling with just accepting as I so badly want her to feel safe telling me things. I'm very heart-warmed over your response to your son though. Good job mom. (Btw, title says 14 yr old, but your post sounds like age 4.) If it's 4 I'll tell you that my brother, who is gay, showed signs from very young. He says he recognized it from about age 7. I noticed things that I didn't acknowledge from him age 10. He didn't come out until about 19. He had been my best bud, but blocked us all out through high school. I guess I never want that to happen between my daughter and I. I'd rather love her as bisexual and her be happy, then pushing her away.

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