If you could do it again and have control over the spacing of your kids, what would you do different

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K. - posted on 04/11/2011

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I am pregnant with my third child, My oldest and (soon to be) middle child are 4 years apart, with bdays in the same month. If I could do it again, yes they would be almost as far apart as the one I am carrying now and soon to be middle (11 years). This pregnancy is easier because my oldest (14) understands what pregnancy is, which she didn't when she was 3 going on 4 (the age she was when I was pregnant the last time). So when I'm tired, she cooks dinner for me, my 11 year old gives me space when I need it and rather than family night out every couple of weeks, we do family night in my bed with Netflix or Amazon.com. It is so much easier this time around. The other thing I would do different is make sure I took up a hobby in FEB. All my children are (will be) born in NOV. 13, 2000... NOV 14, 2011 and NOV 24, 1996 (which every couple of years ends up being Thanksgiving), lol.

Krystyna - posted on 04/10/2011

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I had 3 babies in 22 months (twins and then a 3rd). It was like having triplets...3 in diapers, 3 potty training, 3 car seats, strollers, a ton of stuff to lug around every time we went somewhere, etc.



I never got to spend individual quality time with them because I was always micromanaging...meals, baths, bathroom, getting dressed, cleaning up messes, etc. I was always exhausted & stressed about getting through the day. In addition to taking care of the kids, there was laundry, grocery shopping cleaing, dinner prep and so much more. Many times we had Cheerios for dinner because I was not Superwoman.



If I could do it all over again, I would have spaced them at least 5 years apart so someone was already in school before the next one came. I truely regret not being able to really bond with each one of them individualy and really spend more time with each one of them doing special things. They all compete with eachother for our attention and its very frustrating.



They all have a love/hate relationship between eachother now. They constantly bicker, fight, take things from eachother, chase eachother around the house, etc. Because they are so close in age they all want the same things (we have to buy EXACTLY the same clothes, shoes, jackets for both boys because they will go nuts if one has something different than the other).

I would definately change it all if I could.

Sal - posted on 04/10/2011

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i have 12 yrs btween the first 2 them 14 month btween the next 2, i think they were just a bit close for me, the 14month old was walking, toliet training, still sleeping poorly and then i had a new born, and my son was in first year of high school at a school, the first 3 years of thier life were chaos exhausting, my baby is now 3 and i am only just now getting on top of it most days, i have never had twins but was told that twins would be easier than 2 close together,

Stephanie - posted on 04/08/2011

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I have 3 kids and one on the way... my older children are 20, 18 and 15(almost 16) and I did love them being close when they were little but this time I want it closer to 3 yrs between this one and the next... yes there is probably going to be one more... My first three are from my late husband and this baby and any other would be my current hubby's... this time I want them to have more individual baby time... I'm 39 and as long as I have the next one before 45 I think it's fine. To each her own, I loved the kids being together in age but I think they had to give up that baby attention a little to early... ya know?

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Stacey - posted on 04/14/2011

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i have a daughter who will be 7 in august a son 4 in may and another son 3 in july my boys are really close but its good now cause they always have some 1 to play with

Charlie - posted on 04/12/2011

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I planned on spacing it 3-4 years between but instead I have two boys 20 months apart which is great !

Tiffany - posted on 04/12/2011

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Nothing at all. My kids are 20 months apart and were planned that way. I love their age diff and my youngest is coming up on 20 months old and we plan on trying for a 3rd soon.

Terri - posted on 04/12/2011

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I have a 9yr old boy, 22 month old twin boys, and I'm 2 months pregnant (hopeing for girl this time!) and I would go back and have the oldest no more than three years older than the twins if I could. He acts like and only child still, and he is so jealous of the twins and the thought of another baby. I think haveing them alittle closer helps with their acceptance of other siblings. I would also think it would help to have them all close in age because you can teach them most of the same things at the same time.

Charlotte - posted on 04/12/2011

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I have twins who'll be 6 in May from a previous marriage and a son who'll be 3 in 2 weeks by my fiancé. I don't regret a thing! It was perfect timing for us!

Jenny - posted on 04/11/2011

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K.Adams, the help you're getting from your oldest sounds awesome and i love the buddy system idea when you go out. I'm definantley going to think about having a big age gap between my first two and my next two :)

Betsy - posted on 04/11/2011

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We are due to have #2 on our son's 3rd Birthday. We tried to have our children 2.3 years apart but we miscarried that baby. I really wanted my children to be 2 years apart, but now that we are in this pregnancy I'm so happy with the spacing. My son can play independently and is a super help. My morning sickness was debilitating and he was a wonderfully supportive 2 year old!

Denise - posted on 04/11/2011

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My daughters are 6 yrs and 2 months apart. Certainly not how we planned it. But for some of us it's not all that easy. Anyways, there are pros and cons to 6 yrs. I certainly didn't need to worry about 2 in diapers. And I feel I was able to give them all of my attention as infants. I'm grateful I had 2 girls. They have a wonderful relationship. I do however make sure the little one doesn't bother her big sister to much and the older one cannot tease the little one. I believe it's how you raise them.

Shannon - posted on 04/11/2011

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I have 4 kids my oldest two are 3 years apart and i felt that was a perfect age between the 2 and wanted to have a third child within that same age range, due to fertility issues i was unable to keep that "schedule" and God showed me HIS plan, there are 7 years between my 2nd and third child and then my fourth child came along quite unexpectedly 22 months after my third. The 3 years between had always been my "ideal" age between due to the fact that the first child was out of the "baby" age, the potty training was done and there were no issues over which bottle belonged to which child, and it was easy to have the older child "help" with the baby. Now that my children are all older (16, 13, 6 and 4) I love the age gap just as it is, i am able to leave my older two in charge and get a moment away with my husband, or just to run to the store without paying a sitter or packing everything up just to run in and grab a gallon of milk. The kids are all close, my older two really help out with the younger two and we are able to use a buddy system most times if we go somewhere as a family, with each older child helping out a younger one.......Now that i have rambled around aimlessly lol back to your original question, i wouldn't change a thing, i am very blessed with the children i have at the spacing i have, they all get along great and listen very well :-)

Rebekah - posted on 04/10/2011

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I LOVE the spacing, 27-28 months, of my children. It was enough time to get the youngest potty trained and into a toddler bed, but not too far so as my kids aren't best friends. My 1st two are really really close, so I hope my next one (due September/October) will be close to them too.

The only negatives are that each was/will be born in a different season: February, May, and September so my infant and maternity clothes didn't always transfer to the next child.

Ambyr - posted on 04/10/2011

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My kids are almost exactly 1 yr apart. My son was born 1 week before my daughter turned 1 and I wouldnt change it for anything.I've had my tough times but the good times make up for it all. They are both extremely close right now and so everything together. They are only 1 and 2 but you can't separate them right now. They just love eachother.

Jenny - posted on 04/10/2011

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@ Sarah, intresting thing is that i have a sister that is 6years younger which i never got along with until now that we are both adults, and a sister that is 10 years younger than me and i always got along with her! so go figure! I loved having her around in my room when i had cleaning to do or even homework, she was young enough not to have any of her own responsibilities but not too young to make a huge mess, and she just kept me company and i loved it :)

Sarah - posted on 04/10/2011

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Reading these kinds of posts is really helpful for me, because I'm currently going back & forth about when to have my next child.

I have an 18 month old son who is a great little boy, but definitely ALL BOY lol. He is a handful. I want my kids to be relatively close in age, but not TOO close. There's an almost 6 year age gap between my husband & his older brother. My husband says he hated the age difference between them! I'm an only child, so I don't have any experience with siblings or age gaps, so I'm in the dark here.

Our current plan is to start trying for our next child in July. If we get pregnant right away, the age gap will be a little over 2 1/2 years. I'm hoping that this is manageable enough!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/10/2011

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I wanted my kids near the same age so they could play together and grow up together. Very happy about this choice. The onlly thing I regret now is something I couldn't have forseen and didn't have control over; I got muscle spasms. So I'm pregnant, with a 5 month old that I can barely take care of. I worry that when the new one comes I'll have to move in with my parents for a while just to get help. Yikes

Bonnie - posted on 04/10/2011

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My first two kids are 21 months apart. I like this age difference and would never want to change it. My youngest is now 2.5 and I still haven't gotten an okay from my husband if we can try for just one more. So even if we tried within the next few months, my middle child and last child would be 3.5 years apart. A little too much for me. If I could go back, I would want the last two to be 2 years apart.

Victoria - posted on 04/10/2011

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I so far only have 2, 15 months apart. Although it is really hard for the first few months, I know that once they start to play it will all be worth it.

Stifler's - posted on 04/10/2011

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Mine will be 16 months apart. Sometimes I wish I'd gotten pregnant 12 weeks later than I did! (We got married and I was 10 weeks pregnant and Logan was 8 months).

Kelly - posted on 04/09/2011

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I'm with Stephanie, except mine are all with the same hubby. Our boys are 19 and 17, and our girls are 9 and 5. I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe have the girls 3 years apart. It is great having older kids with little ones. They all benefit from it so much.

[deleted account]

I would have my children have 3 years in between. That way, by the time one is is being born the other one is independent (self feeding, sleeping through the night, can change clothes on their own) and out of diapers. It makes the pregnancy easier and it makes life with a newborn easier. If you have more than 2 kids then by the time number 3 arrives you have one in school and one (possibly in preschool) but even if you do not have more than two kids, by the time the younger one hits the terrible two stage, the other one is in school every day half day.

I did have control over the spacing of all my children (planning it out and agreeing on how many kids both of you want helps with that) and had them closer together with the exception of the older two. I wanted a large family and was 29 when I had my first one and wanted to be done by 36.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/08/2011

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My kids are aged 4,2 and 14months. Im loving the age gaps between them. I loving watching them learn,grow and explore the world together.

Allicia - posted on 04/07/2011

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I love the age spacing with my 2. my 2 are 2 years and 3 months. i love it. now that my 2nd child is 14 months her and her brother play together. its so cute watching them.
when i was growing up i had a sister that was 16 yrs older then me, a brother that was 13 yrs older and a younger sister that is 19 months younger then me. my older sister wasnt like a playmate for me it was more of a 2nd mother thing to me. me and my younger sister played together always and it was great.so i wanted my kids close in age but not to close and i am happy with my turn out.

Jenny - posted on 04/07/2011

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@ Brittany, my brother is 4 years older than me and we also faught like cats and dogs, but my mum always tells me that my brother was such a great help to her when i was little, i think the fighting came once we were both in school, but now that we're both adults, we get along great.

my two kids are 18months appart and it was hard work at first, but now (youngest is 10months) its getting easier and i wouldn't have it any other way, but im not sure when to space our next child/ren.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/07/2011

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Ours were planned and came 2 1/2 years apart even the 3rd one which will be arriving in 8 weeks.



Edit: but I wouldn't change it..I really like the fact that they are close enough to relate to one another and will be even more so as they get older...but far enough apart that we won't have to diaper 3 bums in an assembly line LOL ..just 1 diapered bum and one very successfully in the later stages of potty training

[deleted account]

I actually wanted to be pregnant with my second already. I was hoping that they would be less than 2 years apart to make it easier on my daughter. I'm hoping that I can get pregnant soon so they are as close as possible.

My sister and I are 4 1/2 years apart and we tortured eachother. My sister was so mean to me, that it was almost at the abuse level. I don't want that for my children.

Sharon - posted on 04/07/2011

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Yes, I know what you mean Jenny, when I was done with the baby stuff, I wanted to be DONE with the baby stuff.

Sharon - posted on 04/07/2011

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My kids are all 2 years apart almost to the month. July, August, Sept. I was fortunate that it came about pretty much as it was planned. And yes, I would have the same spacing except maybe their birthdays a little farther apart. ( Two oldest birthdays (girl, boy) are 8 days apart.)
I enjoyed them that way, young at the same time. I had a friend who had 5 kids that were all 5 years apart. (she planned it that way)

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