im 23 and have no sex drive is that normal?

Cynthia - posted on 03/29/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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hello. im 23 years old and i have 3 kids. well the problem is after my 3rd child which is almost 4 now i have not have a sex drive. i could care less if i ever have sex again. my husband does complain but most of the time i ignore him. i think its because i hate the way i look im not happy with myself. i cant stand it when he gropes my or even my comments about me he never says anything bad about me. i just dont ever want to have sex. i have no sex drive and i feel like i am the only one who has felt like this. am i? i dont know if this is normal or not. i have been to the gyn about it and she just said it was bc i was a stay at home mom and all i do is take care of kids but i know thats not y.

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Tina - posted on 03/31/2010

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He needs sex like you need love and affection. If you are not giving it to him the temptation to seek it somewhere else may overcome him. Is it really worth it to turn him away when you are risking him turning to another woman or pornography for his sexual gratification? I believe it is worth it, for the sake of your relationship and his faithfulness to you, to choose to have sex with him, even though you don't want to. Also stop thinking the destructive self-talk, start thinking about good things-- how much you love him, how much he desires you (which is a complement!!!!), etc. ...

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Tina - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have had times when I had a decreased sex drive or no sex drive (especially when I am feeling betrayed by something my husband has done), what helps me is to make sure I don't have any negative feelings toward my husband (forgive him if I need to) and then I just have sex with him regularly and spend special time bonding with him until my sex drive returns it usually takes about one or two times of having sex (usually I have an O the first time and not the second time, by the third time, I am dieing for it!) Make sure you snuggle afterward, all the oxytocin with help you and your husband bond with eachother (like you do with your baby when it breastfeeds!)

Jane - posted on 03/31/2010

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you can ask your ob or your gp for the name of a therapist. if you know being at home and being busy isn't why, then you must know why, so find someone that you are comfortable talking with.
my husband is very affectionate and i am not always up for it - i'm 41 and we had two kids in three years. for me, sex was not the same after our first was born mostly b/c i was a "mom" and focused all of my energies on that. after our second it was because i was 40 and my boobs began drooping and i wasn't crazy about myself anymore. he didn't understand any of my reasons. but i realize that sex is an important part of marriage and i'm slowly getting back to the point of enjoying it. slowly. but find someone that you can talk with and work thru it. you should have a sex drive, so see what you can do to feel better about things. you deserve to feel good about yourself emotionally and physically and you and your husband deserve to have a positive marriage. it could be your thyroid is out of whack and you don't know (mine was out of whack for 6 months and i had no idea) or it could be that you just need to talk w/someone.
good luck. i hope you feel more positive soon.

Corinne - posted on 03/30/2010

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everyone goes through this at one time or another...sometimes several times! you get to a point where youre unhappy (which you seem to be) and exhausted! hubbys complaining and pesturing never helps move anything along!



only way youre going to get it back is to do what you can to make yourself feel good!! start working out...take some "alone" time and take a nice bath...go see a movie...whatever relaxes you! it will eventually pass!

Jayde - posted on 03/30/2010

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also i do want to have it because its a nice closeness that the two of u can share i do love my hubby and want to make love but im not happy with the way i look and even tho he loves me for me its still hard to except that.

Jayde - posted on 03/30/2010

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Hi i am exactly yhe same as u im 26 and have a 3yr old and have just had another baby well shes 11 wks now. I havent had sex with my hubby for almost a yr only because i had a bad preganncy and also bled at 28 wks so i was too scarerd in case i lost the baby. I hate the way i look i dont feel sexy and my hubby always says things nice about me and he loves me but u know the saying u dont let any one love u until u love urself.(true) When i lost 8 kgs before getting pregnant with my second i was happy to have sex and act all flirty now im at my heaviest again and i hate it. Im BF so that makes it hard to diet and exercise cos i dont want to lose my supply i do walk here and there tho. And yes we mums that stay at home we act like mums constantly theres that loss of all ifeel like is a mum and housewife u dont feeli like that sacucy chick that ur hubby married and u lose that spark u have before u have kids. I just want to b unger 80 kgs then i reckon i could start being happier with myself and let him love me. I feel bad not having sex with him but i dont feel attractive It all comes down to how u feel ABOUT URSELF ONCE U START LOVING URSELF ITS EASY TO LET HIM LOVE U AND BRING BACK SOME PASSION. Hope this helps i ffel exactly the same.

Denise - posted on 03/29/2010

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I feel the same way, I have no sex drive but I'm 33 years old. This happened after I had my third child also. I could care less if I had sex again and my hubby gets so mad. I feel your pain, I'm frustated because I feel pressured. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way!!

Kandace - posted on 03/29/2010

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a friend of mine had the same problem and was afraid that i would too after you have a baby your homones are so messed up that sometimes the dont get back on track if your worried about it talk to your dr and they can help balance out your homones so that you will have your sex drive back .

Chelsea - posted on 03/29/2010

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I am 22 and have a 6 month old son, and I feel the exact same way. I think you might be on to something when you mentioned that you hate the way you look, I myself hate the way I look and I've been that way my entire life. I dont know that I have any advice for you, I just was glad to see this post that way I know that I'm not alone either. I do understand the way you feel when it comes to the husband part, sometimes I just give in so he'll leave me alone. Hopefully you knowing you are not alone helps in itself

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