Im about to snap!

Kristin - posted on 02/22/2009 ( 35 moms have responded )

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My almost 4 month old is still not sleeping through the night. My spouse works all the time so I dont expect him to get up with the baby. I cant get any house work done because Im either so exhausted or the baby is clinging to me. Since Im the one home with him all the time he has become so attached to me he wont let anyone else do anything for him. And when he naps its only in my arms..as soon as I put him down he wakes right up. My house needs a good deep cleaning and Im stressing about it because I cant think when its a mess in here. Sorry ladies..I just needed to vent!!

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Shana - posted on 02/22/2009

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i had the same thing happen, it got to the point where, i just let my little guy cry himself to sleep, yes it was awful, i wanted to just get up and give him a bottle or let him play, but after a week, he started sleeping through the night. it's tough love that is more tough on the parents than the baby i believe.

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Michelle - posted on 03/05/2013

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I have 2 girls and I read a book called "baby wise" and had them both sleeping through the night by 10 weeks no joke!! It's an easy read and right to the point. The book said it would happen probably by 8 weeks but it took 10 for both my babies for some reason. I didn't feel human when I wasn't sleeping well so this book was a HUGE help. Good luck!

Kelly - posted on 03/05/2013

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I'm in the same exact boat..been crying all day about it. Need a nap so bad but the baby won't stop nursing and I have 3 year old too!

April - posted on 02/26/2009

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for when you are home, a sling or hip harness can be a lifesaver- baby is close to you, but your hands are free. is there anyone- a neighbor you trust? friend? a grandparent? someone who can come over and let you get out for a walk or just a break? even if he is clinging to you, it is not going to hurt him to have someone else hold him for a while for your well being. it will pass, my kids were like that too for a while- and my 3 year old would scream if I left her because I was nursing. I would go to bible study for an hour and she would yell at my hubby the entire time....but she is FINE. and I was better for getting that break. you'll be ok, and so will she.

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2009

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I have the same issue with my 6 month old.  I am reading Ferber's book and am going to give it a try.  So much for the you can't spoil a baby.  Now I know better.

Chelsey - posted on 02/25/2009

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HA...mine is 6 months and still up in the night so I feel your pain!!! But I have found that putting him to bed before he is sleeping and yes even letting him cry will force him to learn to soothe himself, Also...there is a miracle that my friend told me about called a schedule!!! 8 is bath time....then snuggle and feeding...then between 830 and 9 its bedtime whether she is sleeping or not! Now after only a few weekds she went from getting up ever 3 hours to sleeping at least 7. Give it a try...it's a lot of work but worth it in the end. Hope that helps and hang in there.....and remember....dust can wait but your baby won't stay that way forever...they grow up way too fast!

Kirsty - posted on 02/24/2009

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The last thing you should worry about is housework!  I've got a 2 yo and a 4mo!  My house is very disorganised but this is my life for the nest few years!  Do you have any family or friends living nearby who could get to know your baby??  My partner's niece lives round the corner form us and I've got her to take my kids for a couple of hours every so often so I can get the house semi clean.  My daughter's getting very clingly as well but I usually out her in her bouncer and then sing songs so she can hear me,  Usually nursery rhymes which my toddler son is starting to learn as well.



Oh and I've found the ability to think is less the younger your baby is!!!!  I had to go to the supermarket 3 times one day just to buy milk!!!  Completely forgot the first 2 times!  And it was the only thing I needed! :)

Janis - posted on 02/24/2009

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I forgot to add that I agree about the swing.  That is the only way I could put my yougest down!

Janis - posted on 02/24/2009

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We feel your pain. I remember those days.  I used to use the bjorn carrier and do stuff with it on.  BUT you need to sleep too.  Do some with it on and when the baby falls asleep, sleep.  You need your rest.  I would say if you can afford it call someone to come and do a good deep clean...and whatever else you want them to do.  It may not be something to do all the time, but that initial clean will be easier to keep clean than starting from scratch.  Maybe by then you can be rested and ready to attack one thing at a time.  (None of our homes are spotless...until the company arrives!)  Good luck. 

Ashley - posted on 02/24/2009

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Just keep trying everything the other mothers have posted. I wish I had known about this site when I was going throught this last year :) Now I know that it's one day at a time, and I agree with the women who say talk to your husband. I finally broke down and laid into mine. He was actually shocked by how overwhelmed I was... he just didn't see it and I never said anything. After that "break down" he took over friday night wake ups and saturday mornings. I got sleep to clear my head. eventually my son started to sleep. It will eventually get easier. Good Luck and hang in there. Every mother feels this at some point. There is no shame in not being Super Mom. I think that they are a myth or robots!

Aquila - posted on 02/24/2009

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I can relate....i have 8 month old twins and have the same situation as you....i couldn't even go to the bathroom alone!!! Now ,however, i go to the bathroom alone and show them that i will be back so the crying is pointless.... tackle small accomplishments one at a time...so far it's working for me...

Melissa - posted on 02/24/2009

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You are not alone. My daughter is 8 months old & I had the same problem a few months ago. I would use a sling or front carrier & she loved that. She would fall asleep & I could still get stuff done. My son was the same way & he loved his swing. My daughter wasn't a big fan of the swing. I would try the suggestions that everyone has given & find what works for you & your baby. My daughter is now 8 months old & is doing much better. She sleeps all night & takes 2 naps a day(one which she does take in her bed). The other I still have to hold her but I don't mind that so much, it gives me a little down time too. She is also crawling & trying to walk so she loves to play on the floor now which is noce because I can get stuff done while she is playing. Good luck. It will get better.

Ayenda - posted on 02/24/2009

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Aww honey, I feel your pain! My daugther was 2 wks old and would be awake for almost 8hrs at a time throughout the day (and night) AND didn't sleep a full night until she was 2!!



Firstly, you need to work on getting the baby detached from you long enough to regain sanity (lol). There's a lot of stuff out there to help us with that issue; try the swing with music and (the one that was the most effective to me) get a tape recorder. For 2 days, I walked around with a handheld tape recorder and taped all the songs (including the ABCs) and positive reinforcements. When it was time to put her down, I played it. IT WORKED! Ahh...



Other things that helped...I used one of those slings and put her on my back while I did my housework. Becasue I was suffering from sleep deprevation, I decided to alternate betw napping with her and doing the housework.



I know your husb is working a lot, but you may need to lean on him at least until your system is up and running. Talk to him about the issues that you're facing and suggest that he at take the baby during the times when you need your MANDATORY "Mommy Moments" to shower, nap, paint your toes, etc. - NOT for housework. Maintaining sanity is paramount. :) 



If any of the above doesn't work for you and you can afford it, see about hiring a cleaning service to come in twice a month (or however amount of times needed) to do the dusting, dishes, laundry, etc.



Good luck! :)

Jan - posted on 02/24/2009

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First of all I completely understand what you are going through my son is 3 and he just started finally sleeping through the night. My oldest was around the same age before he slept through the night both of my boys were breast fed and I am told that is why their sleep patterns went that way because breast fed babies wake up for more night time feeding then bottle fed children and they just develop a habbit of waking up. As far as the cleaning you have to pace yourself. Ask hubby to help out with certain things in the evening when he is home. Also I found getting up at night I started getting really burnt out so hubby and I came up with a plan. On sundays I get up and give the boys their breakfast and then he gets up with them so I can go back to bed. He works all week so I let him sleep in on saturdays but sunday is always my day and it works well. As a matter of fact we still do it this way and I find it really helps me catch up on my rest. Have you tried letting your son rest in a swing? My son used to fall asleep in his and it was the only way I could get a break some days. Put him in it in a room where you can see him put a little music on in the background to help sooth him. If he is used to cuddling you could try wrapping him in a blanket to make him feel more snuggled. Just remember kids are only kids for a little while but the housework will always be there. Try not to let it get you down and talk to your hubby about it. I hope this helps and I hope things get a little better soon.

Kara - posted on 02/23/2009

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I'm there... times two... 5 month old boy/girl twins.  My husband helps when he's home, but works 12 hour shifts, 2 days, then 2 nights... so I'm essentially a single mom for 5 days and then have help for 5 days.  It's rough, and my house is a mess.



 



I try to pick one thing to do a day during on of the nap times.  My babies have a good routine with 3 naps right now, so the other nap times are mine to blog, read, or nap.  Most days I just do laundry or dishes, but I try to get to the other stuff too. 



I think a good routine is important for you and the baby.  I'm using the routine from the "Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems".  It's really working for me so far.  My babies now go from a 10 pm feed to the 6-7 am feed... although my girl usually wakes up around 3 am with bad gas, but she goes back to sleep after about 10 minutes of the "put back to sleep" routine in that book I mentioned.



I also like this book because she answers a bunch of questions from her own clients... she was a nanny not a doctor.

Halli - posted on 02/23/2009

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Try napping with him. It saved my sanity i looked forward to our naps.It is such a sweet sweet time. Plus everybody told me to not worry about the house , and it's true. The house will one day be organized and clean again but this small time with your baby will be gone. The baby sling or bjorn is a great idea, really worked for me to get basic housework done. I too believe that it's ok to have him be clingy, it's natural. He will be really secure when he gets older because he KNOWS your there for him..

Darna - posted on 02/23/2009

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I am with you! It is so hard. My 9 month old still is not sleeping through the night. I am not telling you this to discourage you. Although she is up 2-3 times a night, you do get more used to it. she wakes up for a few minutes and then she is back to sleep in no time. When she was about 5 months old, I thought I would die. But you dont. It will get better. The housework will wait. Try to sleep when he sleeps. If you are comfortable with it, lay down with him and get some rest. That saves me! Good luck!

Jaime - posted on 02/23/2009

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my baby was the same way...and by bf works crazy hours too...put the baby in a sling so they are close to you and you can do housework while they are in the sling...
and ask someone like your mom to come over and help out

good lucj

[deleted account]

I agree 100% with everyone's posts.  We've all been there...I know it's tough hearing that over and over....how "we've all been there".....I know you feel like you're the only one going thru this or that it's different for you....but it truly will pass.   The best advice given to me after my son was born was to nap when he naps.  Even just little cat naps here and there were tiny little blessings.   Also, the baby swing saved my life and my sanity!  My son was attached to me constantly when he was tiny and that swing was a Godsend.  Next one I'm gonna try the sling though, where you carry the baby around on you.  But if you have a swing, use it!  As for the housework...that part never really changes.  My son is 16 months old now and I still have huge issues.  I'm trying www.flylady.com and so far it's ok.  Just remember, your house being clean isn't what's important.  Spending time with your baby tops the list.  Will the world end if your laundry isn't done?  Will civilization collapse if you don't mop your floors?  Didn't think so.....just breathe, do what you can, when you can and let it go.  It will still be there later.  Hiring help is a good idea if you can afford it.  And if you can't, don't be afraid to ask your friends for help.  See if a few of your friends would be willing to pitch in if they have the time, just til you get the hang of it.  Even someone just loading the dish washer for you helps a ton....or folding one load of clothes.  Good luck, get some rest and enjoy your baby. 

Anissa - posted on 02/23/2009

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:(. Both of my children didnt sleep through the night until they were 9 months old. Just know that it will pass and keep in mind that just because hubby works a day job, you are working a 24 hour nonstop job. He can get up too, you are not super human. He can drink coffee and deal, its life with a baby. Good luck and know that this pattern with baby is temporary and will pass and one day you all will sleep again!

Samantha - posted on 02/23/2009

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I can totally relate tot his...sometimes you need to put them down and let them cry it out but then again your heart breaks hearing it. I found that when my daughter kait was first born i use to put her in a backpack carrier or the swing or in her walker...I play with her making silly faces or play the radio and sing to her. I would ask you dr if your able to give him a bit of cereal in his bottle at night to help. I did that with all my kids and it made a tremendous differences.

Malinda - posted on 02/23/2009

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Everyone has offered great advice. I know my daughter was the same way and I had to use my Snugli in order to get some chores done. I also recently hired a young girl who I pay $5 to come watch the kids so I can clean. She had passed her Red Cross Babysitting course, but is still too young to babysit by herself. I figure when she gets older, I have a great babysitter who already knows my kids. Plus, now, she is getting some experience. It has worked out great. She has so much more energy than I do, so she wears them out in no time! Good luck and remember you are not alone.

[deleted account]

If you can afford it have someone come in and do the deep clean for you and then you won't have so much to think about. Once the house is clean you can focus on getting your baby to lay down alone for while. tummy time on the floor is good while you clean up or fold the laundry. you can still touch him and talk to him, sing to him but don't pick him up. You also need to get your hubby involved You work all day also and all night. Let him get up with the baby at least once a night so that you can get some sleep, they need that bonding time too.

Katie - posted on 02/23/2009

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I know exactly how you feel! My baby is almost 7 months. I can't get anything done during the week, especially now that she is crawling. I have to watch her all the time until my hubby gets home. She's definitely more attached to me, but if I leave her alone with my hubby for a while, she starts to let him take care of her. She falls asleep on us, but will wake up as soon as we put her down. We've gotten to the point of just letting her cry it out. Luckily, my hubby is off weekends and he takes the night shift with her then so I can get some sleep. We did use a baby bjorn when she was small enough. This helped me to get some things done like folding laundry and vacuuming. Now, I just try to hang in there till the weekend when my hubby is home during the day and I can get a good deal of cleaning done then.

Do you have any friends or family that live nearby? Maybe see if they can baby sit for a day while you get some cleaning in.

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Also... I think right around the age your baby is now - I hired Merry Maids to come clean my house once, just because i was so disgusted with it's condition. If you can swing paying someone to help out once or twice it will make you feel much better. I say find anyway to lift your spirits, and never feel guilty - being a mom is freaking hard!!!

[deleted account]

Something that has been a huge life saver for me is that my husband will take the baby in the morning on his day off and let me sleep in - I swear its the only thing that has kept me sane so far. I say talk to your man and see if he can't ease your burden in some way. Even if it's something little it can make all the difference.

Sabrina - posted on 02/23/2009

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I am not an expert by any means but creating a small routine around the times you want him to go to sleep might help. I have a just turned 6 month old but was having similar issues at 4 1/2 months. At about 51/2 months due to lack of sleep and feeling a little crazy, I started the same routine everyday for nap and bed time. He has increased his nighttime sleep and nap time. I have read and was advised by my pediatrician it takes a baby about 20 mins. to settle themselves down, so give it time and and rest when you can..the house can wait.

June - posted on 02/23/2009

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Don't apologize. Been there done that, and it's OK to vent. Here are some suggestions:

Teach your baby to nap by himself, let him cry for 5 minutes and go back check on him give him a kiss but don't pick him up or hug him, and leave the room. Do that over and again to reassure him that you are nearby, eventually he will get the idea. Sometimes some soft music works too. This will take a week or 2 to get used to but you must be persistent. Also don't keep the house too quiet, or you won't be able to do ANYTHING when he naps in the future - I wish I didn't coz my children don't nap when I have the other things going on in the house.

Have a friend come and sit with the baby while you clean. I have friends who don't have kids - yet, so sometimes it's a little intimidating for them to babysit by themselves, but you are still there if the baby needs anything. You can clean knowing that your baby is close by and someone is watching. This way your baby get to socialize with other people and learn to trust people around you. Make sure your friend know that she is not there to be entertained but to help. If you have friends with kids, perhaps you can do a co-op, offer to watch hers when she needed help, or setup play dates.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Takes a village to raise a child.

Jami - posted on 02/23/2009

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Oh yes, this sounds like my babies.  I have 5 children with one on the way, trust me been there done that. You just have to embrace it girl!  My children who have been that way are now the most confident children I know.  Don't worry about your house, that's never ending but your child going through this will end too soon and you will (call me crazy) miss it. When your baby is sleeping just sleep with him/her. That wil hep with the sanity.

[deleted account]

I used to have the same issue with my daughter.  what worked for us is bringing her carseat in and rocking it so she'd think we are in the car after 6 months I think the doctor advised me to let her cry it out a little and friends told me to stop holding her so much.. its difficult but had to be done. Now she is 14 1/2 months old naps and sleeps in her crib.

Randi - posted on 02/22/2009

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Kristi had every thing I was going to say. I just wanted to let you know that I back her up on the advice. The sling does do wonders because your baby thinks you are holding her but you have your hands free. My babies usually went to sleep in them and it was even better! You can hold the baby in the front or back with most slings. I usually did the front at first because they would have my attention but when they fell asleep I would swing them to my back. My husband was a stay at home dad for just a few days before he knew exactly why I was cranky in the evening. He stayed a SAHD for just a few months and then decided to go back to work...lol. Now he says he would much rather have an out of the house job and help me in the evenings then the other way around. Now we switch nights to get up with the kids. If your husband, like mine at the beginning, thinks it is no big deal to be a SAHM, you may want to challenge him to a weekend where the baby is "his". You could have a girls weekend or just catch up on some much needed sleep. Then maybe he will understand and help you out with out you having to ask for it all the time. Even if he starts doing Friday and Saturday nights (or his days off) so you can get a full nights sleep, that would work better then going off of no sleep. Also, Kristi is right about the sleep. The lack of sleep can get to you! This also makes you un able to handle the stress as easily. So get some sleep and relax about the house work. It will get done eventually. Good luck! I know it is hard. 

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2009

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I completely understand and know you're not alone. When my 7 month old was 4 months the only time she would sleep was when I was out doing errands. Fortunately, I came across the book, "The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program" by Dr. Polly Moore. She is a neuroscientist that specializes in sleep research and disorders (a mother of 2 as well!) This book revolutionized my thoughts on baby sleep! I have permanently "borrowed" it from our local library. :o)

Becky - posted on 02/22/2009

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Don't apologize, we've all been there. It's even better when hubby won't help with the baby or house because he thinks you been sitting around eating bon-bons all day. Just hang in there, sweetheart, it will get better!

Holly - posted on 02/22/2009

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You could try reading the book, "The no-cry sleep solution." It will give you tips to getting your baby to sleep through the night & give you a reasonable idea of when to expect it. I would also suggest wearing your baby in a sling, ergo, backpack, etc. That makes it a lot easier to do chores while still carrying them. In addition, if you use a backpack or ergo where the baby goes on your back he will not nurse to sleep but the motion will probably still help him go to sleep.



Overall, I would advise remembering that things just keep getting easier as your kids get older.

Kristi - posted on 02/22/2009

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I completely understand...just know you are not alone.  Lots of Moms have been in your shoes.  Do you have an infant swing?  My daughter was the same way in the beginning, she would not nap unless I was holding her.  I nursed her, so she would nurse on me and then fall asleep.  I started putting her in the swing for her naps.  I would lay on the floor with her and read until she fell asleep, then I was able to get some housework done.  I also would put her in her bouncy seat with the vibration on and let her see me clean/vacuum, etc.  I don't usually believe in television, but I would put it on for her while I tried to get stuff done.  Also, have you tried a carrier, like a baby bjorn or a sling (great if you're nursing) ?  I know you said your husband works and you don't want to bother him...but switching off a night or two so you can sleep is what you might need.  My husband works too, but we share the responsibilities.  Sleep deprivation is really bad for you and can lead to other problems, such as depression and post pardom, so be careful.  Don't feel guilty for needing rest...being a stay at home Mommy is a lot of work and you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your baby.  Hang in there.  Things do get easier.  God Bless!

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