im begging for help

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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please pleas give me some advice....i have 3 kids aged 7,4 and 3, The 4 year old is in morning nursery so i drop her off at the same time as the eldest, my problem is my husband as jus started work so i have to take all 3 to the school, the only way i can get my 3 year old to the school is by gettin sweets from the shop (which we have no choice but to go past) on the way back then again when i pick the 4 year old up and then again when i pick the eldest up...now i know this is wrong so please dont point this out to me, if i dont do this and try to walk past the shop he kicks off and i have to drag him all the way to the school which is a gud 20 min walk from the shop while trying to get the 4 yr old to keep up then they argue over who pushes the button on the crossings if the 3 yr old gets there 1st the 4 yr old refuses to move and goes into a strop and if the 4yr old gets it 1st then the 3 yr old kicks off again..now i have to do this 3 tyms a day 4 days a week and if im honest id rather they didnt go 2 school jus to avoid the hassel but sayin that id only be stuck at home with them all day arguein over everything moaning and bitchin fighting and screamin....please please help i dont know what 2 do 4 the best

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Sarah - posted on 02/24/2010

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I would try having 3 yr old is a stroller. I know he/she is a bit old for a stroller, but until he/she gets use to not getting something at the shop it will help with getting the others to school on time. At home create a sticker chart for all the morning chores (get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair, etc.) that everyone needs to get done before you leave the house. Allow 5 extra minutes in your morning routine to put the stickers on the chart before leaving the house. On the sticker chart have a place where you can write/draw what a reward will be for so many stickers on the chart. I would start with having a reward after 1 week. Decide how many stickers they need in order to get that reward (I would have either most or all). This will encourage them to get their stuff done. Then walk to the schools as normal. With the 3 yr old being in the stroller it will help you to keep heading to the school as he is throwing a fit (this will help him/her learn that throwing a fit will not get your way). When you come to the crossing have a schedule as to who gets to push the botton when. Easiest might be on the way there in the morning 7 yr old gets to do it. The next time you pass it the 4 yr old gets to do it and the next is the 3 yr old. Or if you hit more then one crossing have it be at certain corners certain ones get to do it. This way it becomes a routine and they know which one gets to do it when.

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Yip, 3 year old is playing you. Obviously you realize you are rewarding bad behaviour. You need to switch that to rewarding good behaviour. Instead of buying sweets on the way there and back, reward him if he behaves all the way there and back when you get home. It's going to take work (and probably alot of tantrums to begin with) but as the others have said you need to be consistent. Show him what he'll get if he behaves (make sure it's something he'll want) and tell him what's expected before you leave the house. If he doesn't behave then he has to realize it's tough luck, tantrums don't get sweets.

Jeni - posted on 02/24/2010

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I know it sounds cruel but you gotta remind them who the boss, I used to walk my son down to daycare, a good 20 min walk up and down hills, if he threw a tantrum because he didnt want to walk etc all we did (his mother and i) was pick him up and put him over our shoulder and keep walking, the first few times he screamed the whole way home and he was put in his room for quiet time and he could come out himself when he had calmed down.
You could also try a time out technique which we did also and we just made him stand with his arms up facing a fence until he had calmed down.
Just remember to give them praise when they do the right thing, and dont make a big deal about the tantrums.

Cheryl - posted on 02/24/2010

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I would say don't give in to them. Be consistent. They are playing you and you are allowing them to. It will probally be a week of hell while they learn they cannot get any sweets but after a week they will probally get it and lay off. Just be consistent never give in. They need to know what you say goes the fits won't last forever like I said more than likely just a week.

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