im having a really hard time enjoying being a sahm

Brandis - posted on 06/14/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

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im having a difficult time lately......my son is 2 almost 3 and ive been a sahm his whole life...and lately im so over it....i cant stand being home ALL the time, i dont have a car so im not able to just go and do as i please with my son.....i live in an apartment so theres not much running around and playing area plus its awfully hot outside.....so i feel like all i have to do is be stuck inside.....i tried to take him to the pool but he doesnt like it down there.....ive tried coloring with him and painting and indoor activities.....sometimes i'd much rather him be at daycare and me at home so i can enjoy myself.........idk what to do i feel like im slowly going crazy..........day by day seems to be harder and harder...plus my husband is gone 13-14 hours a day...... i need help

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Boy, do I feel your pain Brandis! I am at home with a 5 yr, 3 yr and a 7 month baby.......and some days are a real joy --- but some days I could sell them all to the highest bidder. I have no car when my husband is working...which is frequent. And 16 hours usually. I live in a small town, so there is no public transit. And you can't get a taxi with 3 different car seats. I cannot sign my kids up for activities, play dates, etc., due to the no car thing. My husband is also a shift-worker, and the shifts are constantly being changed....so even when I have planned something, I often have to cancel because......no car. Because he works evenings/nights also, I can't plan time at night for myself either -- no car, no babysitter for 3 kids. I can't go to the coffee shop during the day for a coffee, can't go to any parks that are not close walking distance, I can only get together with other SAHM's if they come here. Who wants to do that all the time? I can't schedule an exercise class for myself so I can finally start losing all the baby weight from 3 kids/3 C sections. Sometimes I feel so frustrated, overwhelmed and mostly isolated, I want to fall down and throw a tantrum. So, when the days get really dark, I have to remind myself that this is THEIR time. I stayed home to be here for my kids. not for myself. This is the sacrifice a mother makes. Most days I gotta pray hard for strength and patience. A regular schedule is a survival mechanism in our house. The days seem to go quicker when everyone knows what is going to happen.....as you know, kids love doing the same thing over and over and over. I have also taught them about mama's coffee breaks. They know to leave me alone.....that is my time to just collect my thoughts. When it is nice outside, out they all go. At least we do live in a house, so they have a fenced backyard to play in. But some days, yep, movie days because mom is busy with the baby and needs a break. So don't beat yourself up for feeling this way....most of us SAHM struggle. It is a love/hate thing because you do have to give up a lot of yourself when you stay at home with kids. And don't feel bad if you do want to go back to work....at the end of the day, as long as mom is happy, most kids will be too. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.....if being at home no longer does that; then you shouldn't feel bad about it. Remember, it's not just what you feel is "right", but also what is "workable". You may feel staying at home is the right thing, but if it is not working for you, it was always be a struggle.

Candie - posted on 06/18/2010

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sometimes it really seems like your husband has it easy since he gets to go to work...men don't understand what us sahm's would do to have just a part time job just so we can have a break and have an ADULT conversation...one with BIG words and FULL sentences!

Morgan - posted on 06/17/2010

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I feel the same way, I've only been a SAHM since September of 2009, but it still seems to me like its been forever. I hate the feeling that I'm not contributing to my family. I know how you feel about staying inside all the time too. My kids are 2 and 8months. Good luck, I hope your situation get better for you.

Jessica - posted on 06/15/2010

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Is there anyway you can have a car during the day? My husband takes public transit to work so I can have our car while he's gone. Even though I don't go out everyday, it is liberating to know if I need to get out, I can.

Janet - posted on 06/15/2010

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Take a deep breath and dance. When my kids are getting out of control a but loud music and start dancing with them. They usually get tired and want a snake after. Also think that it is exercise for you. My son loves feeding me snakes and the snakes can catch up. What about movies of his fav characters my son likes Elmo world.

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I recently took a part time job in a local coffee/wine shop just to get out of the house. My daughter goes to a local sitter while I work. I feel it balances us both out. She has her sitter friends and I have some adult time. The job just covers the sitting but it's worth it.

Paige - posted on 06/20/2010

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I totally understand how you feel- I used to be workaholic before I got pregnant. Then when I was 6 month pregnant, I got laid off. Maybe it was fate or not. Anyways, hang in there. It is almost time for your son to be enrolled into pre-K when he turns 3 so it should give you a bit of break for yourself. Stay positive!

Jessica - posted on 06/19/2010

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i understand..i am blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids ages 7, 6, and set of 2 yr old twins. but there r days i have a hard time enjoying my blessing.. i have absolutely no time to myself and the stress level is very high. i just hang in there the best i can

Debi - posted on 06/19/2010

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Sounds to me like you may be having some depression which is nothing to be ashamed of. I would talk to you doctor about how you're feeling. One sign of depression is that you've lost interest in things that use to bring you joy.

Raising kids can be daunting for sure. I was a working Mom until my 2 oldest were 1 and 3. Then my husband joined the Navy and I became a SAHM. I was overwhelmed with how difficult it was at first thinking that it would be a piece of cake compared to working, LOL. That was 22 years and another 3 children ago. I love being a SAHM but there were days I would have traded it for slopping hamburgers at McDonald's, LOL.

Sounds like you need to make friends with other SAHM's that can come over & have play dates with you & your son. Also go to letteroftheweek.com It's a free curriculum that I used when I homeschooled one of my children at 3. We loved it. Everyday was different and we were having fun learning at the same time. It doesn't take all day, but it was so cute to see my son get up and be excited that it was Tuesday paint day, LOL.

You're not a bad Mom for being a tired Mom and having a difficult time and don't let anyone try & convince you otherwise. Best of luck.

Kylie - posted on 06/19/2010

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I found it helpful to have a theme per day or for each part of the day, like money - which could be paying bills, looking at ways to save money, etc. (I'd do this while she slept). Also remember, there should be a theme for them too, make it general so you can interpret them differently, like artistic, creative, community (she loves going on the bus). I found it really helpful to have 1 thing a week where we would get out and go to a group, be it mother's group, library reading session, music lessons.... Dont let the complications get you down. The more often you do stuff the easier it gets. Talk to your doctor too about how you feel. Always remember - a happy mum makes a happy bub.

Nicole - posted on 06/18/2010

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well i don't know if this helps or not but i know exactly how u feel. I've been a stay at home mom for years. And like u i'm over it too! Best thing to do is find someone u trust to babysit for you every now and then and have some quality time with yourself. My husband has the hardest time understanding why i'm frustrated with being at home ALL of the time, he says "if i could stay at home all day i would love it" but he would'nt last 24 hrs. he'd be calling me to come home LOL I find myself resenting my husband sometimes too! And it's not fair to him he's a great spouse, but we can't really afford daycare. One plus side for you though is that in two years your son will go to Kindergarten woo hoo! Then it will be free time for Mommy. Hang in there honey, oh and you know there are programs for toddlers to go to school. Most cities and towns have them, contact your states board of education they can point u in the right direction. Good Luck

Brenda - posted on 06/18/2010

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I have found that working from home has helped me, it gives me a great way to make an income and still care for my children. As well as meet people and develop relationships. My husband also works the 10-14 hour days.

check out my website safer4me.com

Sara - posted on 06/18/2010

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Ugh, mama I feel your pain. It's really tough being in an apartment. Are there any local places you could walk to or a bus line to a busy area? We go to the mall A LOT just to walk around.

CarrieAnn - posted on 06/18/2010

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I have a couple of idea's. I realize it's hot..but grab some water bottles and a wagon and hit the pavement. Walk to places in your community to do things. Just the other day we walked to the Fire Station about a 1/2 mile from my house and rang their door bell. They came to the door and I asked if they weren't busy if the kids could look at the fire trucks. The Firemen were beyond happy to show us and let them climb around in the trucks. Then we went to the park..hot and all. I pack lots of ice water and find shade under the trees to rest at times. I also took pics at the fire house..so day 2 we walked about a mile to Hobby Lobby a craft store and picked out picture frames and stuff to paint and decorate with. On our way home 7-11 was there so we stopped for a slurpee. Then day 3 we had "craft day". Decorated the frames and I printed the fireman pics for the frames. That helped us 3 out of the 5 days of the week to get out be in the community and do something. Next week I'm thinking I might go to the old folks home by us and visit the grandma's and papa's there. I just go to different places and see what we can do there. I haven't been turned away yet (knock on wood). It's cheap AND I don't use my car even though I have one. The kids have more fun in the wagon or just walking and I get exercise. :) If I think of some other things I'll post for you..but an idea I do alot to find cheap things for us to do is google my city I live in like I'm going to "visit" it and see what it says to do for fun with kids. Most of the stuff is either free or really cheap. We have public transportation here so if I didn't have my car and it wasn't wagon walking distance I'd be on the bus going. :) You can do this...sit, close your eyes and if you were a kid again what would you want to do? This is the opportunity for a 2nd childhood and have a blast by having the freedom of an adult. Go get it girl! You can do it! Big Hugs!!!

Stephanie - posted on 06/18/2010

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I am a stay at home mom of 5 and one on the way...it keeps me busy taking care of them, but I totally understand what you are saying. This is all I have done for 9 years now and it is easy to lose your identity. I even told my husband that I envy him going to work, because he got to leave the house. It is really hard to make friends when you don't really leave the house, so I understand. Sometimes, when I know what all of my kids are doing and that they are safe, I put on my oldest daughter's MP3 player and crank it up while I do things around the house. As long as you know that they are safe, it is OK to ignore them for just a little while. It also helps to sing along and dance around like a lunatic. It is a great stress reliever. And don't expect your husband to understand. All he'll probably say is that he would LOVE to be able to stay home and do nothing all day. Try to relax and remember that just because you are there with your son all the time doesn't mean that you have to try to entertain him. If you both want to do something together that is great, but don't try to force it. Sometimes just let him do his own thing while you do yours and keep a watchful eye. Before you know it he will be in school. Good luck!

Valerie - posted on 06/17/2010

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awwwwww just take the day as it comes Im a sahm to a 9 month old . So with the desire to explore everything , try to put her fingers in all the sockets It gets tiring . So my suggestion is try nick jr or plan a play date kids always enjoy that .

Rebekah - posted on 06/17/2010

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Completely normal. The way I explain it to people is this. You love your friends, but can you really stand to see them everyday? Why is it any different for your child? Seeing the same person every day no matter who it is isn't easy.

Sometimes you do just need a break. Do you have any friends that could come over, if only to be company? I know when things get hard I call my family and friends and chat with them while I'm doing things. If that doesn't help the stress sometimes I will put my child in a stroller when the sun is down and just walk around with her pointing out things like trees and birds, blah blah blah. I'm in a similar situation as you are, I have no car, I have no job or money of my own, my husband works 10+ hours a day and sometimes they make him work weekends.

You just have to remember YOU time. It is VERY important. Even if it is something as simple as reading a book. If you aren't comfortable sending your child to daycare, try hiring a babysitter. Though I would recommend it be someone you trust, or getting a nanny cam.

Hope this helps and best of luck :)

Trina - posted on 06/17/2010

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Hi... I'm in the same boat. My daughter is 21 months old and I've been home with her from the start, with the exception of substituting teaching intermittently for 5 wks. Prior, I was a preschool teacher's assistant. Loved it! Still do and greatly miss the classroom. Plus, I relocated from the east coast to be with my fiance, prior to when we were engaged, and I still don't know anybody. It's hard to get places... the public transportation system is not all that great, no transfers, so it can get expensive (our budget's already tight). I've searched for mom groups in my area, a few charge for playgroup attendance and in a way i understand that - to help get food/drink, etc. (but again, budget's tight). However, i have yet to participate. I used to go to the park, but I've been sick and in physical pain..can't do stairs, her, and the stroller all that well. The only change of environment I get is the doctors' offices. My fiance works 2nd shift and can at a moment's notice be required to work a 12+ hr day. When he is home, he's sleep and on top of that, he doesn't feel well either w/ his arthritis and other internal things going on. So, even when he is here, I'm inside. Our daughter's speaking more now, vocab building everyday. We're at simple sentences, but I need adult interaction/communication too. That's all I want. A friend. Do ppl make friends these days anymore?... said all that to say, I definitely understand. I want a job, looked/looking for a job, so far to no avail. I even do Avon, but that's not off to a good start...very slow. Anyone in the So Cal/San Bernardino/Inland Empire area?

Tiffany - posted on 06/17/2010

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Sounds like you are pretty down. Sorry to hear that, but know that you are not alone, we all have times that are harder than others. It will get better, don't give up.

Tanya - posted on 06/17/2010

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Hello there! For the past three years, my daughter goes to a wonderful dayhome once a week. I found it very beneficial for both of us. She gets to play with other children in a home setting and have tons of fun. I get to reboot and return to her refreshed with new found energy. At first, I felt guilty but not these days! I plan personal appts for that day. I may shop or go to a green house or just plain relax. My husband works long hours and he's away from home for weeks on end too. You can still enjoy being a sahm and get recovery time too. Sounds like you need it! Best of luck! :)

Stephanie - posted on 06/16/2010

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You sound exactly like me. I have been at home since I was pregnant with my first child (Nov '04) but I guess I've just gotten used to it. It wasn't my cup of tea at first & I don't think it's for everyone but, I wouldn't change it for the world now. Getting to see my daughter & son everyday is fantastic but getting to see them every minute of every day is another story. I LOVE staying home with them but it makes you stir crazy. My husband is usually gone from 6:30am - 7 or 8pm. I have the kids all day by myself. Entertainment, distraction & creativity are what you need. I live in Texas & it's way too hot to go outside in the middle of the day so distraction is our biggest priority. I have to find ways to keep them busy. The internet is a really good resource. It helps you find ways to be creative & keep your children busy. It's very hard to be a SAHM, some people are just not cut out for it. Don't feel bad if you think it's not for you. You're a wonderful mother & you should keep yourself happy also!

Angela - posted on 06/16/2010

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Stir crazy! That is what it is - it's hard when you have no car, no money or anything! Maybe getting a part time job would help?? Then again if you get a part time job it would help your sanity - but you would have even less time with your husband. Ugh, I've felt that way sooooo much! Is there any hope that you might be able to get another car at some point? Are you close to any shops that are within walking distance? I hope that you get to spend the day out on your husbands days off at least! On my husbands days off we pretty much have the same routine, which is getting old - my big outing for the week is the grocery store! Haha, how exciting! But I would try to get out more on his days off so that I don't feel so caged in during the week. Now I sell Avon which is something I am interested in (kind of breaks up the preschool geared thinking from the whole week) and that helps, I enjoy the brochures and sorting orders - but since I can't get very far from home during the week (I have a car now, but not much gas) I don't take many orders. Anyway, hope that helps a little! Good luck!

Donielle - posted on 06/16/2010

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I am right there with you! I have been a SAHM from birth of both boys (2 and 3). Now, they are getting active and they need to interact with other kids their age. I am looking to put them in school/daycare at least part time b/c of their energy and my sanity....lol! It's just hard because it's expensive. Don't feel bad it's a natural feeling. I just make the best out of the weekends for now. Always going to the park and day trips with hubby and the kids makes me happy!

Angelina - posted on 06/16/2010

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i think daycare would be a good idea maybe 2 or 3 days out of the week just so you can re find yourself. being a SAHM is tough and we seem to lose ourselves to our children. im also looking into the daycare idea. i think it will be good to be alone for a little bit. even if its only a couple hours or a couple days. plus your kids get to interact with kids their own age. only downside i see is that your kisds might get sicker faster from being around all those kids.

Jessica - posted on 06/16/2010

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your life sounds exactly like mine, but i have 2 kids. i know exactly how u feel. i dont have a car and my husband works all day too. like i have to clean 24/7 and i dont have nefriends where i live. i want to get a job but i dont have money for daycare and i dont have neone to babysit. my parents are dead and everyone lives too far away from me.ive been doing this for 6 years. i dont think i can help u because i have the same problem i dont know what to do myself

Charity - posted on 06/16/2010

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How is it going? Wonderful advice! I pray it has gotten you excited to make some changes to live happier and healthier! May you be blessed!

Cyndi - posted on 06/16/2010

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I can totally relate. I am also a sahm and I did it for 2 years with my oldest and then fell into a part time job for a couple of years and have been home with him again since he was 4, he is not 6 1/2 years old and I have a 1 year old. They keep me busy but many days I am bored. Not sure what to do with them. I am not sure where you live, but I do know in my area they have play groups with other moms or if that is not an option, connect with friends or family members that have kids, another option, check at your local hospital they might have something available to you there. Being a mom especially a stay at home mom is a tough job. I would as other moms have said, inquire about preschool, he is almost at the age where he could start and that could give you some time to yourself. I find when I have time for just me, it helps me rejuvenate and that helps me be a better mom. Hang in there.

Soleil - posted on 06/15/2010

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I was having a really hard time around that age too with my son... you know what I did. I put him a daycare on Fridays. It gives me an entire day to do whatever I want or need to do, and I miss him while he's gone. He gets to go play, I get to relax and sleep or watch tv, really, a day to do whatever, and he comes home to a better mommy. We all need time off... and our husband get weekends, so give yourself a day. get your nails done, read a book, who cares what you do, just recharge. He will love getting to play with other kids too, so don't worry about him. It really made me a better mom to do it, so start looking for a daycare now!!!

Katherine - posted on 06/15/2010

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I hear you!!!! It can be very hard and it really takes its toll on you physically and mentally. I don't have my licence either and it is a pain in the backside. Are there any kinds of playgroups or anything in your area? Maybe hop on the computer and have a look to see what is in your area and what you can get to. i joined one recently and my little Isaac loves it plus it gets you out of the house and talking to other Mums. Isaac is just on 2 years so it is very hard to keep them engaged for long periods of time! Is daycare an option? Even if it is 1 day a week or something. You need some "YOU" time to get back your sanity and get some stuff done for you!!! Take care.

AMANDA - posted on 06/15/2010

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Im a stay at home mom with a 6 mth old and 2 step children ages 10 and 7 and my hubby is always away as well so the step kids play outside after school until dinner time and i play with the baby all day as much as i can to entertain her and yes it is HARD!!!! I dont drive either and wish i did so i can take her wherever i need to but things dont work out that way so i do have friends and fam to help me do so, so i am thankful for that as of now but dont know about the future cause i do need transportation ASAP!! I know where you are comming from ..................believe me but hopefully better things come our way:)

Lea - posted on 06/15/2010

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yeah i so hear you. im so glad my son is in daycare and he loves it its so good for him. he needs to be with other kids his age. i cant entertain him all the time. i would really recommend seeing what u can do to get him in a program with other kids and let him do his thing and u do yours.

Kimberly - posted on 06/15/2010

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You can check and see if there is an early head start program available for your son to attend. Its usually 2 - 3 days a week for a couple hours a day. Might be just enough time to get some time for yourself and let him do something different. Also is it possible for you to drive your husband to and from work one day a week? Having a vehicle and getting out for that one day can really make a difference. Take a good hard look at whether this is a temporary mood or if you really aren't enjoying being a sahm and the situation is not going to change.It might be time to consider a change to a working mom but remember that often the case is the grass only looks greener on the other side.

Rachel - posted on 06/15/2010

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Wow I know what you mean. It's hard sometimes but you should definitely find a friend nearby, maybe another SAHM or just someone to come over and visit and give you a break every now and then or someone who could take you and your son out occassionally to the park or store. The best place that I found great friends at when we had just moved was church and my husband and I joined a young marrieds class and now I have some close friends who I can call if I just need to talk or need some help. Do you like baking cookies? That would be a fun thing to do with your toddler.

Christina - posted on 06/14/2010

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I am really sorry to hear about you situation. I can understand that being a sahm mom can be overwhelming. I always thought I would love being a sahm but in the begining I found myself wondering how I was going to make it. I am able to get out of the house but it is sometimes hard trying to find different stuff to occupy our time.

I don't really have anything great to say to you but I wanted you to know that you are alone. Hang in there.

If you every needed to reach out to someone and talk I would be there to listen.

Hang in there!

Lindsay - posted on 06/14/2010

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Hey brandis,
Aww i'm sorry hun, it sounds tough,well all i can really say is,maybe try finding a near by community centre,where they have different activites that you and your son can enjoy,and you can also met other sahm,thats what i do,and i find it helps me stay on the right track,i do wish you all the very best:) feel free to talk with me,i'm always here and happy to have another friend:)

Alina - posted on 06/14/2010

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Brandis, I know what you're going through. We, too, live in an apartment. And we live in Louisiana and it's been in the upper 90s for a month and a half, which means there's no playing outside! My step-daughter (7) is here for the summer, so I'm in the house all day with bored 2, 4 and 7 year olds! We've been watching lots of movies and having lots of popsicles LOL. I take them to play around 7 PM when it starts cooling off to the 80s. That gives them one hour to play before the parks close for the night. I understand about transportation. Have you considered the city bus? Or is there a kiddie-cab company near you? Your son might enjoy the bus ride, and you could go to the Library for story time, or take swimming lessons. See if there's a place for a hose on your building, and hook up the sprinkler for you two during the day, or go outside for water balloon tosses or water gun fights. Your son won't be too difficult to please at three, and he'll have fun doing simple things with you, as long as you're enjoying yourself, too. I don't know how you feel about church, but there are a lot of churches with mommy groups. Also, your son may be old enough for Vacation Bible School, it's free and lasts for a week/ 7 AM-4 PM, and churches provide transportation (at least here they do). Just a thought . . .

Lucy - posted on 06/14/2010

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Don't beat yourself up if you've found that being a SAHM is not for you in the long run.

We are all different, and I believe that happy parents make happy kids, whether that means going out to work or being a SAHM, so if I were you I would be looking for a job maybe 3 or 4 days a week.

If you have the out let and change of scene of a job outside the home, I bet you'll enjoy the time you do have with your little one much more!

Good luck with whatever you decide x

Susan - posted on 06/14/2010

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have you spoke to your health visitor about how you feel maybe its baby blues maybe its just that you need to mix with other mums in your area have you tried to see if their is a sure start center near you .maybe you can do a car share with another mum so can get out and about maybe put a notice up in your little ones playgroup. maybe organise a coffee morning for charity and that way meet other local mums in your area

Erin - posted on 06/14/2010

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Try to make everyday different. Tell yourself that everyday you will try something new with your son. Sign him up for an activity...maybe swim lessons at your pool? Also see if your husband will take him off your hands for a couple hours a week so that you can have some alone time. It helps to pick your spirits back up. Or maybe give yourself and your son a project like painting a room or building something together. A project that will last more then one day. You can also try picnics outside....I have been a sahm for three years now as well and in the winter months I get the same stir crazy feeling...like everyday the same....i just try to think outside the box and hope for the best....hope this helps...good luck.

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2010

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well maybe try finding a part tiem job? or having friends come visit you or something. not everyone has the patients to stay home all day every day, or thats what it feels like sometimes anyway. but you only have about two more years til your son starts school, and only one if he qaulifies for pre-school. so just hang in there, you have made it this far, you can make it another couple years, and then you will have plenty of time to yourself and free-time to do whatever you want. my favorite thing to do when i feel like im gonna lose my mind is to pop in my favorite CD and dance around the living room with my daughter. she's only 6 months old, but she loves it, and it puts me in a much better mood and is fun....

Liz - posted on 06/14/2010

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that sounds tough, do you have any friend near by that you could trade baby sitting with, sometimes just a few hrs to yourself is all you really need! I have been a sahm for 5 1/2 yrs now and I know you can get exhausted!! or perhaps you could find a moms group in your town,if all else fails go ahead and hire a sitter or set up day care a few hrs a week, you will be a better ( more calm and relaxed) mom if you give yourself a break once and a while!! GOOD LUCK

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