Im leaving my sons father.

Miranda - posted on 09/07/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Im leaving my sons father and I dont know how to tell eaither one of them. My son is 2 and Im not sure how it is going to affect him. His father has turned into an abusive jerk and I dont want my son to grow up like that. How can I tell my son that we are leaving and he can only see his dad every other weekend. How am I going totell his father that im leaving and taking our son.

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Christy - posted on 09/08/2011

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Since he is abusive, leave CAREFULLY. Plan it all out, in writing and get out silently. Sounds chickenshit, but you don't want your BF (soon to be EX) going and doing something crazy b/c you decided to leave.

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Amy - posted on 09/10/2011

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Miranda,
I left my first husband because he was abusing alcohol and drugs, cheating on me and just generally not contributing anything but negativity to our family. I kept trying everything I could while we were separated for a year and a half as far as counseling, etc. until he was tired of being the only one who wasn't trying and just wanted to go. When that happened, I got divorced FAST! After he stopped paying child support, I never pursued it further. If he was going to ruin his life, I did not want him bringing all that drama into ours because he still had that financial tie to us. He went almost 7 years without seeing his children and spent all of that time drunk, high or in prison. Thank God he was not beating on our door in a drunken rage because I was on the forefront of his mind due to the fact that part of his money was going to our family! So, if you think that pursuing child support will threaten the safety of yourself and your son, follow your gut instinct. I have never regretted the peace of mind that I have gained in trade for the money I gave up. Probably never would have gotten it anyway and have never spent a day of my life in court or put my children through custody battles that were really fueled by resentment over money.

Miranda - posted on 09/09/2011

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He says I owe him owe him money. I dont owe him anythng. cook clean and take care of our son. He said that owe him back rent for living here. I was paying rent for a while and I told him that was rediculious. I just figured it would be a big haslte to make him pay. Im going tell him that he doesnt have to pay for the first year since he think I owe him money. I dont think he would have a problem with paying child support. I just dont want to go through the courts with it. I just hope we can work out some kind of agreement. We have talked about me leaving in the past and I told him he could get him everyother weekend and he was fine with it. Im getting a settlement and he says I owe him half of it for living here for the past 4 years so he can pay off some of his debdts that he had before we got together. Im going to give him some for paying my student loans. I know its going to be a big mess. I had planned on leaving before I knew I was going to get my settlement. Its going to make it alot easier now on me. He was a great guy. Im not sure what happend. I cant wait to start a new life with my little man. Me being here I get aggervated easy and it stresses my little boy out so I know its the best thing. Thanks for all the advise and keep it coming.

Erin - posted on 09/09/2011

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Good for you getting out of a bad relationship. And yes, it will affect your son but for the positive. It will affect him more living in an unhealthy and abusive environment. The only thing I don't understand is....why would you not make him pay child support??? You say you are going to make him buy the thing he needs but you can't MAKE him do anything without the law behind you. Good luck with everything and may you have happier days ahead.

Miranda - posted on 09/08/2011

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Thanks. I just hope it doesnt effect him in the long run. His father cant do anything about me taking him with me. He chose not to be on his birth certificate. He would have to get a dna test and go to court. Im not going to keep my son away from his father unless he does something to him. I trust him somewhat with him. He will get him every other weekend. Im not going to make him pay child support but I am going to make him buy the stuff he needs. I have to get him to let me drive his car that he baught for me to find a place. Im not going to tell him that im going to look for a place. I have family there so thats going to be my excuse. Im hoping to have the money to get my own car in the next couple of weeks.

[deleted account]

Well your son isn't old enough yet to understand so I wouldn't try to explain that to an 2 yr old just yet I would wait until he's older to truly understand what I'm telling him. As far as the Dad goes I would just let him know how I feel about the way he treats you and that it isn't an healthy enviorment for our son therefore I'm leaving and he's coming with me.

[deleted account]

Aw Miranda, I cant tell you what to say but maybe I can help you with ideas. Maybe let your son know that you and daddy wont be living together anymore but he will still be able to see him all the time. I think that if his dad is abusive and you tell him, then he may not let you walk away without your son. It may be best that you explain to your son what is happening then both of you leave. Then talk to his dad without him there, or take someone with you to wait for you while you speak with him. Be honest and let him know exactly why it is that you are leaving and that he will still have his relationship with his son. I hope all goes well with you, I will be thinking of you

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