Im new to COM, and im in need of help!

Kendra - posted on 04/28/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello,

My name is Kendra I'm a SAHM, of a 7month old boy named Preston.

my s/o works. and here lately I've been feeling like I'm doing this alone

my s/o doesn't help me in my eyes the only thing i ask him to do is take out trash and he doesn't. what do i do? I've tried talking to him I've tried Screaming at him, do i just stop and let him realize how much i actually do. I'm upset because for instance today. i asked him to watch our some for a few while i clean so our little one doesn't get anything that may hurt him his solution. "Cant you just put him in his room and shut the door while you do that" really SHUT him in his room i was furious. I really don't know what to do can someone help Please!

Thank you

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Katherine - posted on 04/28/2012

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Well....you DON'T take out the trash, you DON'T do his laundry, you DON'T cook his meals. Screaming at him doesn't do anything for anyone. It just shuts them out even more. If I were you to get the point across I would go on strike. He obviously just doesn't get it. Mind you if you haven't talked to him do this. If you've talked to him and it's fallen on deaf ears then I would go on strike just to show him how much you DO.



Also like Louise said have him take the baby for a day and see how he fairs. Expect him to have the house clean and everything else done that you do. All moms need a break anyways. This would be the perfect opportunity.

Stifler's - posted on 04/29/2012

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You don't ask you tell, it's not babysitting when it's your own kid. "here, take the baby while i do this" . 'I'm going out watch the kids"

Louise - posted on 04/28/2012

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You sit him down and tell him how you feel. If you get no response at all then just surprise him with an appointment (like having your hair done) and leave him in full charge of the baby for several hours. He will be forced to interact with the child and tend to him. He needs to realise that being at home is not a cushy job but hard work.

Also get him involved with his son, most dads do bath time giving you time to clear away dishes or just put your feet up for 20minutes. If you do everything it gives him a reason to do nothing. Pack up a picnic and go to the park as a family actively include your partner in the rearing of this child. He is not alone, lots of men have no interaction with a baby until it can walk and talk and do things.

Ask him for some support by doing the jobs you ask him to do. He may be totally oblivious to what is going on around him, no point in screaming at him. Let the bin overflow if you have to and see if he takes it upon himself to empty it!

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Kendra - posted on 04/30/2012

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Thank you ladies for all the help... update. hes actually cleaning right now. i told him i felt more like a maid then his women. he got upset and said sorry. hes now cleaning the living room a lil more than what i asked for but its nice. hes still not grasping the spending time with our son but hes getting better

Adina - posted on 04/29/2012

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Kendra, I have been in your shoes when I had my first child two years ago. Men feel as if they are working, then its our job to cook, clean, and take care of the childern. Which that is how it use to be. I had the same problem with my bf about taking out the trash, even putting the cans by the road on trash day. I tried talking to him, and even just not doing anything. He still didnt do it...so I just gave up, yes we do need a break once in awhile, but it is our jobs as wifes and mothers to take care of the house, trash included. So I just stopped asking and stopped fighting about it and just did it myself. But I would ask him why he wanted the baby in the first place if he doesnt want to help even a little....I couldnt even get my bf to give our daughter a bath or anything...he never cleans, he rarely cooks....i get him up to go to work, I put together his lunches...men are our kids too...I am also 8 months pregant, and have a two year old...I understand you need a break, I would ask your friends and family to watch him for a couple of hours then maybe spend time with your husband, thats what I also do...or when they baby is sleeping I run a hot bath, and put bath soke stuff in it and just relax...thats what I do for my time...I hope this helps a little, and I promise once the baby gets older and your son can walk and talk it will be alot easier on your and your husband....atleast it has for us....good luck!!

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