im so scared about giving birth, any advice??

Catherine - posted on 12/23/2009 ( 222 moms have responded )

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im due 4 weeks tomorrow and im so scared about giving birth.... help

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Maria - posted on 01/03/2010

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It's natural for you to feel scared about giving birth, given all the sorry media depictions of the process. I had natural childbirth with a midwife. I was worried and apprehensive about birth, too. If you have taken childbirth classes and have had good prenatal care, that will give you a good edge, but I won't lie to you: nothing really prepares you for natural childbirth.



Even at that, it will be okay. It is real work, and it is painful. But think about if you've ever gotten hurt, and how you dealt with that pain during the process. We deal with the pain because we have to, and we know we have to get through it.



And when the birth is over, you can't believe what your body just went through and survived so well. You may look at yourself in a new light, as an incredibly strong and resilient woman who can face a really hard and painful task and make it through.



Childbirth is not a place to panic or be dramatic, but to be completely present in the present, to be aware of your body, and listen to your needs, as well as the midwife or the doctor or nurse who is there to help you.



Just remember: you can choose to be scared, or you can choose to do what is necessary in the moment. If you choose the latter, you will feel great about yourself and your birthing experience.

Meghan - posted on 12/23/2009

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i dont mean this to sound the way it may come across, but relax, its going to happen, so you might as well just chill out about it, better to go in prepared, then go in terrified.

Fiona - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hi Catherine



I have been scared of needles for as long as I can remember, I pass out from blood tests. So the idea of having a baby has always petrified me, so much so that I never wanted kids! I know to most people that sounds really silly, but I was so scared that something would go wrong and that I'd need an epidural or a c-section.



Not long after I met my partner we decided that we wanted to have children. I think deep down I was hoping that I'd never fall pregnant...but 2 weeks after we made our decision I found out that I was already pregnant!! I was so excited and happy but scared like hell too!



I researched as much as I could and talked to lots of new Mums. I also spoke to my Mum who has 5 kids - 3 natural, 2 c-sections. I realised that the baby was inside me now and had to come out one way or another! I went to classes and learnt how to breath, etc, but was still really scared.



About a week before my daughter was due I just seemed to get really calm about the whole thing. I knew I was prepared, I knew what was coming. I was realistic and flexible with my birth plan. I told my partner that if I needed a c-section, epidural, drugs, whatever I would do it because my main concern was that we had a healthy baby.



I know that I was very lucky - I only had a 3 hour labour using only gas. I did tear - I ended up with 12 stitches :( But you know what? It was all worth it!! My daughter is the most beautiful, amazing little person! I can't imagine life without her now. And I am so proud of myself for putting my fears aside for her well-being - I guess maternal instict just kicked in at some point and I knew I could do it. We are actually talking about a second baby now - well, not just yet, but in a couple of years. But this time I'm not scared at all - just excited :)



I hope everything goes as smoothly for you as it did for me, but if it doesn't, you just have to go with the flow of things - your body knows what to do and the doctors and midwife are there to help you through it.



Good luck and best wishes

xx

User - posted on 05/23/2012

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I wasn't nervous when it came time to push because I had my epi and the nurse said that the baby coming out would feel like a small burning sensation.(SHE LIED) It hurt like hell, but I pushed through it and got through the pain and all.But really I think all first time moms should be ready for that pain because if your not it can throw you off.If I had been ready I feel like it would have been a better experience.The Contractions weren't that bad compared to the pushing pain.Believe me an epi doesn't block that pain.

Amanda - posted on 01/02/2010

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When they tell you to breathe instead of scream, listen! Screaming makes it worse. Breathe in, breathe out!!

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[deleted account]

Let your body do what it was made to do. Try to just relax and let your body take over. The nurses and doctors want you to do this and that, but it comes down to what your body is doing. Just listen to your own bodies signals. Yes, it does hurt!! But well worth it in the end. You really do forget about the pain.

Catherine - posted on 01/04/2010

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thank you to everyone who has commented, it really has helped me out a lot, now im not so worried, just really lookin forward 2 his arrival, if all of yous can do it, then so can i lol.... thank you all again x

Lisa - posted on 01/04/2010

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I was so scared too. But it really wasnt that bad and I had a few minor complications. The epidural didnt take to the left side. But even with that I cant wait to have another one. My little one is 4 1/2 months old right now. You will do great! it's really not that bad. Your adreniline takes over.

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2010

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i was the same way when my daughter was born a month ago. the nurses were very helpful. you got this girl. don't worry about all of that. just be excited that you get to meet your little one soon :)

Esther - posted on 01/03/2010

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youll get through it, its scary yeh but its guna happen and then itl be all over n youll have a beautiful little baby to show for it! :)

Bernadeth - posted on 01/03/2010

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Hi Catherine! Being scared is normal especially if it's your first.Reading books about giving birth will help a lot.At least you'll have an idea what are the things to expect. I was only 19 when I had my first baby, and my mother-in-law gave me this book about giving birth authored by the american obstetrician. It did help me a lot. Happy new year! :)

Ashley - posted on 01/03/2010

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It's not as traumatic as you might think. If you have a good doc and a good partner, everything should go smoothly. Good luck!

Amber - posted on 01/02/2010

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Here is how I got through the fear and had a successful birth.



1. Plan ahead of time how you want the birth to go and set it up. Who do you want to be in the room? Do you want drugs? Is there anything special you want to make sure is in the room? Make these plans, share them with your husband and doctor, and make sure they help you enforce them.



2. Read up on the worst case scenarios, so you know what can happen and what to do, and then realize it's probably not going to happen that way. I like feeling prepared for the worst, especially when I am scared, so that no matter what I wouldn't be caught by surprise.



3. Do your best to relax. Honestly, it's not as huge of a deal as people make it out to be. There will mostly likely not me any issues and if there are, you have plenty of doctors and nurses to help make things better. It'll be just fine.

Lacie - posted on 01/02/2010

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What helped me when I gave birth to my little girl a year ago was using the tub (if it's avaliable where you are having your baby) during the last part of labor. One thing to ask yourself is, "what relaxes me when I'm stressed or tense from a long day?". Whatever it is, (for me it was a nice, hot bath!) try to incorporate that while you are in labor. Relaxing is one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself and your baby and will allow your body to do what it was made to do. You can try other things, such as: using an exercise ball, or a labor sling if you have access to them. I always tried to keep in mind that many women have paved the way before me and if so many of them could do it... then I could too. I wish you the best for a great labor and delivery! Enjoy your little one and God bless you both!

Breanne - posted on 01/02/2010

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Oh and another thing, it really helped me out a lot to just keep reminding myself that "the pain WILL end" and it will end eventually, by you either having that baby or through the help of drugs, it will end. So just keep telling yourself "the pain WILL end", and when it is all done, you will have the most wonderful thing in the world, another human being that is half of you. Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?

Breanne - posted on 01/02/2010

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Don't be scared. You wont even be thinking about being scared when it comes time to meet your little one. And like other mommies have said, don't get too attached to one plan. My first one I had all natural, no drugs or anything and it was great. I wanted to have my second one that way, but that didn't happen. My doc. ended up having to give me pitocin which makes your contractions progress more and I wont lie, it hurt like hell. I wasn't expecting that at all, but that's why I got an epidural. I didn't want one and I was scared too, but it was nothin'. Then after they gave me that, they realized I need to have an emergency c-section b/c my son was actually trying to come out butt first instead of head first. I was scared to have a c-section, but you do what you got to do to get that baby out. Everyone at that hospital (if you are having a hospital birth) is there for you and that baby to make sure nothing goes horribly wrong. They want you and the baby to be healthy happy people. So chin up and if you have an question no matter what they are don't be afraid to ask them. Good Luck mama, post some pics. of your beautiful baby after.

Mary - posted on 01/02/2010

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I was terrified too for the longest time, but the more realized that our bodies truly are designed to do this, the easier it was for me to submit to what was about to happen and go with the flow. I breathed through my contractions until I was about 4 cm dilated, got an epidural, and 5 hours later, pushed Abigail out with no trouble at all. the whole process (for me) was 24 hrs. I realize the experience differs from person to person, but I can tell you, truly, for me, it was wonderful. Once I got the relief from the epidural, I was calling my friends, joking about being in labor. They thought I was crazy until I told them I couldn't feel a thing from the waist down =) A few hours after labor, the epidural wore off and I could walk again. Sure, i felt like I got hit by a Mac truck, but when you birth a baby, which is a GARGANTUAN effort for your body, you will ache afterward for a while. Good luck to you and enjoy what is about to happen...once you hold your baby in your arms, you will be so in love you will forget about whatever you went through to get to that point...I promise.

Valerie - posted on 01/02/2010

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My first baby I had a c-section so no pain at all...until after birth, just recovery from the c-section. My second one I had full blown labor pains. Yes they hurt, but you know that already. Practice your breathing and different birthing positions until you can get your epidural! Epidurals let your body relax and do what comes naturally. It doesn't slow birth down like some people may say....relax and enjoy knowing what comes at the end, which is your beautiful baby! Good luck!!

Glory - posted on 01/02/2010

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I had C-section for all my five children..about thre months ago I coach my daughter on giving birth, don't be afraid, now they do the epidural, don't let people scare you with it...once epidural is in you feel no pain, you and the baby are comfortable...you are able to enjoy the process of giving birth...once you feel presure like you have to go to the bathroom that is when everything happens, they will get you ready to give birth, and you are going to want to push....I coach my brothers wife and my daughter, is pretty mcuh the same precedure....you will be fine...if someone has a horror story to tell you tell them you do not want to hear it, is not nice to scare a new mommy, everyones experiences are all different...go in with a positive attitude....is a beautiful experience...good luck with your new baby..enjoy they grew up fast!

Kathy - posted on 01/02/2010

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No reason to be afraid, keep a positive attitude and clear your mind and expect a wonderful bundle of joy!!



mother of three

Cheryl - posted on 01/02/2010

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After giving birth 10 times, every which way you can think of: 4 c-sections, vbac with epidural, vbac w/o medication, waterbirth, and two homebirths, I can tell you that educating yourself about the labor and delivery process is the solution to overcoming fear. One book that I highly recommend is Penny Simkin's Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn. She goes into detail of what to expect during each stage of labor and delivery and comfort measures to get you through. Happy thoughts: Your body was designed to do this! Even a woman in a coma can give birth! Giving birth is a wonderful, miraculous experience and you will treasure those memories for the rest of your life. Now before you dismiss my words of encouragement as coming from someone who can't understand what you're going through, let me tell you that my first 4 babies were c-sections and those last two babies that I delivered at home weighed 11 lbs 15 oz and 11 lbs 2 oz (born in August 2009), respectively. I've learned to look forward to labor and delivering my precious baby, to trust my body to do what it is supposed to and also to RELAX during labor (Penny teaches this in her book as well). The uterus is a muscle and tension only increases the pain. I hope this helps relieve your fears. Keep me posted!

Julie - posted on 01/02/2010

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OMG- don't stress. When the moment comes you'll be prepared and if not your adrenaline kicks in and you'll be able to handle it. I truly loved both of my births and it was a beautiful experience. If you choose to have an epidural, you won't feel a thing!!! Many make it out to be much harder than it really is. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Katie - posted on 01/02/2010

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For me the things that helped during my delivery/delivery prep was: 1. knowing this is a physical event. Its like training for an athletic event. I kept walking every day, even in the early stages of my contractions. Your body is doing a lot of work. 2. having my birth partner with me. 3. Contractions were intense, but pushing felt good to me!

Christina - posted on 01/01/2010

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dont be scared. I have gave birth to my first daughter with no drugs, not be choice!!, and the second one i had an epidural, totally the way to go. your body is made to do this and you will be fine!! Enjoy the new baby :)

Jessica - posted on 01/01/2010

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Child birth is nature and your mother insticts kick in. I gave birth to my son all natural and wouldn't have done it any other way. Yes it was painful, but the pain is just something you block out and focus on getting the baby out. I was only in labor for 8 hours (which I think I would have been in labor longer if I had the epideral), but my nurse was so surprised at the fact that I was so determined, didn't take any birthing classes, and that I was young (23). She said they don't see many moms give birth all natural anymore and most of the ones that do are older mothers that have had a child before. I also would have had a c- section if I had used any drugs due to the fact that I told the doctors I had to push- they told me no, but after checking me they found out that my cervix was not staying open(which would not have been discovered if I had chosen to take drugs-not being able to feel everything) my son also had heart and breathing issues. Everything is peachy now! The pain only lasts for so long and then you have a beautiful child to admire. Good luck

Michal - posted on 01/01/2010

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It is a scary thing, and I think one of the hardest things women do (when doing it naturally). Just remember that women have been doing this for a long time, and your body is made to give birth. You will get through it, you have no choice. Contractions are like waves, they move in, peak, and then move out, and in a minute comes another wave. Once the contraction seems unbearable, it is already on it's way out. I wish you a beautiful birth experience, it is a wonderful blessing.

Chap - posted on 01/01/2010

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How wonderful that you are going to meet your little baby in 4wks. Whilst birth is very scary just remember that you'll have a team of midwives, doctors etc.. around you and they'll be doing everything to keep you comfortable. and safe. If you can't cope then there will be things to give you pain relief too. Good luck !

Claire - posted on 01/01/2010

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everyone is scared they may or may not admit it but a very nice midwife looked after me during my first birth and all she kept saying was " your body will tell u what to do go with what your body tells you" and she was 100% right just relax as much as u can and go with the flow....... u will be fine

Jennifer - posted on 01/01/2010

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I'v had 4 kids all natural, i found is much better to find a focus point,remember your brain has it's oun pain killer but u have to find it. you have 4 weeks left try to find focus points while your at home. find something to relax you & focus. believe me it's going to hurt but God gave us a lil help with this focus point. try it , it worked for me 4 times. Good luck & blessed be. remember this is amazing time in your lifeso the relax part is very important.

Nicole - posted on 01/01/2010

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i think the most important think is to believe in yourself! and the second most important thing is to stay as calm as you possibly can. i'm religous and God and my husband were my strenth.

i had a beautiful birth and afterwards - i said to my husband - it was such an amazing experiance i would do it a hundred times over!!

how about you post a post asking for girls to tell you abbout their POSITIVEbirth experiance?! i read lods of them before i went into labour and they really gave the strenth to believe i can do it and i CAN enjoy it too!!

please dont get me wrong - - the pain was amazing! but i never screamed and didnt use swear words either! - - but if you do, i'm sure the nurses wont mind! :o) lol

**** sending you love, and strenth****** YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Nicole - posted on 01/01/2010

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i think the most important think is to believe in yourself! and the second most important thing is to stay as calm as you possibly can. i'm religous and God and my husband were my strenth.

i had a beautiful birth and afterwards - i said to my husband - it was such an amazing experiance i would do it a hundred times over!!

how about you post a post asking for girls to tell you abbout their POSITIVEbirth experiance?! i read lods of them before i went into labour and they really gave the strenth to believe i can do it and i CAN enjoy it too!!

please dont get me wrong - - the pain was amazing! but i never screamed and didnt use swear words either! - - but if you do, i'm sure the nurses wont mind! :o) lol

**** sending you love, and strenth****** YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[deleted account]

Nobody can tell you anything that will make you not be scared - it's totally normal to be scared! But I will tell you that it was not as bad as I FEARED it would be. Yes, it hurt, yes, it was tiring, but it was totally survivable and I have two great kids now to show for it. Yep, two. I went back for a second round even knowing what it was like. You will survive, give yourself a break and remember it's ok to be scared, and you WILL survive!!

Joy - posted on 12/31/2009

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I was scared too. I went and got a doula who helped me through it. She was a good chunk of money well spent. It was painful, but a lot of the fear came from the stress of not knowing what to do when it came time. Some doulas will negotiate price. Mine allowed me to make a couple of payments when I could afford it. I'm also not sure how close they will take clients to their due date. I was about 6 months along when I hired mine.

Brittney - posted on 12/31/2009

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we were all scared! i have 3 it doesnt stop being scary after 1 but its like a roller coaster ur next n line and thinking of chickening out u get on anyway scream some then adrenaline kicks in and its exciting ur gonna have a bouncing bundle when its all over and its natural for us so the things u r worried about r actually normal things... then u forget how scary it was right after... natures lil joke

Eliza - posted on 12/31/2009

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I was soooo scared too. I was 19 with my first and very sick, the night before I was induced i was up all night crying. Its totally normal to feel this way but remember when its all over you will have a wonderful new person in your life

[deleted account]

did u try to tour the place u will b giving birth at ,talk to ur doctor and maybe midwives?not sure what u r planning as far as how to give birth...if u r trying to go natural,c section.....be assured there`s help against the pain....epidurals are a BIG help.....hope u have somebody by your side u feel comfortable with....i had a 8 lbs baby through c section and a 9 lbs baby natural birth....i promise u u can handle it and will make it !as soon as u hold ur baby in ur arms that will make it all worth it...i remember having that panic right before giving birth thinking how am i going to handle this?everybody does.....u will b fine...showers of blessings!

User - posted on 12/31/2009

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Honestly, the only way I got through the fear was realizing that there have been millions of women going through it before me. And, if millions of other women could do it, I could too. I also used that rationale when I thought about the exposure of it all. I'm a private person, so having many people seeing me made me feel vulernable. You have to just dive into the situation and let go of a lot of preconceived thoughts. It's going to be YOUR personal experience despite the advice everyone will offer up. Soon, it will be over and you'll be amazed that you went through such a dramatic experience. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Quoting catherine:

im so scared about giving birth, any advice??

im due 4 weeks tomorrow and im so scared about giving birth.... help



Don't be scared, millions of women have gone before you and had their lives changed beyond anything any of them imagined because of it.



I have three children 8, 6 and nearly 3. I was overdue on the first two and brought on early for the third due to gestational diabetes - so I was induced for all three. The best advice I was given was with my first child by a midwife who said to just relax your body knows what to do. It's true relaxing is the best thing - let the contractions flow over you rather than trying to fight them or go against them. I only had the gas for all three which I found worked really well because I'd get in a rhythm with my breathing.



Anyway good luck and just remember that the outcome is soooo worth it.



Blessings



SJ

Rachael - posted on 12/31/2009

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dont worry ive just giv birth an the best thing i can say is if they recomend an epidural hav one trust me it help alot an dont hurt that much when they put it in

Good Look

Stacey - posted on 12/31/2009

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It is going to be fine. Read and prepare yourself about what happens during delivery and it makes it a little less scary.

Natalie - posted on 12/31/2009

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My first bit of advice is don't be stupid, take the drugs. In this day of modern meds why wouldn't you take the drugs. You will be so much more comfortable. And my second bit of advice is listen to your nurses. They do this everyday. They are your BEST SUPPORT at this moment. I'm sure you have heard this allot to but, try to focus on your breathing in and out during contractions, it will help you to stay calm and a little relaxed, Hopefully. GOOD LUCK and remember 'You're gonna feel pain like you have never felt before in your life but that beautiful bundle of joy makes it SO worth it.'

Sarah - posted on 12/31/2009

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Quoting Lois:

Giving birth is the most amazing thing!! Don't be scared! Be thrilled you get to do it! I have given birth to two great kids (and I have another one on the way in April). I had both of my kids naturally. I loved it. My daughter was born 8lbs 12oz. My son was born 10lbs 2oz. The calmer you stay the better your experience will be. Just relax and let it happen. Your body will do what it was made to. :-)



10 lbs wow!  thats amazing :)

Margaret - posted on 12/31/2009

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I remember being so scared the first time too! You dont know what to expect. I was lucky and all of my kids just popped right out. I didnt even have time for an epidural...Maybe you'll be just as lucky! Good Luck! It's all worth it!

Jackie - posted on 12/31/2009

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It is a scary time, because it's out of your control as much as you'd like to think you're prepared...whatever happens, will happen. And, honestly.. (I have 3), you can handle whatever happens. Your body was made to do this, so just remember to take everything with you that will help your mind and body relax.

Lori - posted on 12/31/2009

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When I was pregnant with my son, I was TERRIFIED about giving birth too, but I talked to my OB about all my fears and he was great about it, he talked to me about everything, and promised me that when the time comes he'll do whatever it took to make me comfortable. He did! There was a little pain, but it was brief, I was a little bit sore afterwards, but it didn't matter by then because I had my beautiful baby! So talk to your OB about everything that scares you, and he'll be direct and frank with you, but will also work with you to be sure it's pain free as possible and he can do what he needs to make you comfortable.

Britney - posted on 12/31/2009

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I know it sounds crazy, but I thought giving birth was the best part of being pregnant. You finally get to hold what you've been waiting for for the last nine months. I had an epideral with both of my kids and honestly it wasn't bad at all. Don't worry about it so much. The day you have your baby will be the best day of your life.

Jennifer - posted on 12/31/2009

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... Take the epidural.. it makes labour and delivery oh so much more bearable!!!

Tam - posted on 12/31/2009

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Hi there, I can only reiterate what others have said. It's OK to be scared. Baby's birth is going to happen one way or the other so educate yourself in labour and delivery, have a plan and be sure you trust your midwife/Dr to see it through and most importantly have a birthing partner that is going to help you to relax rather than wind you up, someone who will just get the cold flannels or massage your shoulders or whatever you need with out having to be asked. Hope all goes well for a safe delivery for both of you. You'll wonder what you were afraid of after its all over.

Rhonda - posted on 12/31/2009

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I can relate. I was terrified with my first child. The unknown is scary I know, not knowing what it will be like. Did you go to childbirth classes? Relax and do your breathing. I had my first baby in 5 hrs. dilated to 10 when I got to ER! I cannot take any type of pain meds, allergic and I did not want an epidural. I had both of my babies naturally. My first baby labor only 5 hrs, second baby, 2 hrs. You forget the pain trust me! It is all worth it. I hope you have a coach, just focus and breath! Good luck and how exciting, your first baby! I am too old to have anymore, I envy you! Do you know the sex?

Lea J - posted on 12/30/2009

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Catherine, this is so common. I was the same way. My comfort was that millions and billions of mothers have done it. And when you are at that point of just done being pregnant and beyond uncomfortable - you won't care what you have to go through, you'll just want to be done. Its fun how it works that way. Are you doing natural or epidural? I was more afraid of the epidural, but again, at that point I did not even feel the epidural. And honestly I cannot tell you what any of the labor felt like. It's easier than you think.

I am a Mother of two, and pregnant with my third. Due March 13th. Father of all three left at 16 weeks. Hard deal.

I wish you the best! Positive thoughts always help!

Lucinda - posted on 12/30/2009

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To be honest I was scared with my first but as it got closer to my due date I was ready to have him because how tired and sore I was. But be sure to take something that can keep you focused and relaxed.

Heather - posted on 12/30/2009

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Try not to be scared. And think of all the ladies who have come before you and survived :) I was overdue and had a very long labor, but I really didn't find it to be that bad. Make friends with your nurses - this can help create a comfortable atmosphere.



Also, it's great to have a birth plan (I did), but just accept now that many times things do not go the way you may plan (mine certainly didn't, but it turned out okay.)



Honestly, I found bringing baby home MUCH harder than I had expected. If I were you I would spend more time reading up on newborn care, their sleep, soothing techniques, breastfeeding, etc. Sleep a lot, get your house in order, and get as prepared as you can for bringing baby home. Comparatively, being pregnant and giving birth were easier than the aftermath - for me.

Sara - posted on 12/30/2009

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The biggest thing for me was to learn to relax. If you can do that, it will probably be much easier. It's hard to relax when you hurt, but if you can practice forcing your muscles to relax, it will help a lot.

[deleted account]

It is scary... but.... My best advice, as crazy as it sounds, when pushing, make sure to bear down like you're having a bowel movement. If I'd only understood the first time round, I wouldn't have had a c-section!

Vanessa - posted on 12/30/2009

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i was the same also. i would ring up my mum telling her that im terrified and she said that i wasnt the first or last woman to give birth. At the end of the day like Meghan below, the baby has to come out one way or another. dont stress about the birth. it is such a beautiful experience. Just think about what you will be holding in a matter or hours. Its not as bad as what everyone makes it out to be. Everyone loves sharing their horror birth stories with you when your about to pop and it makes you even more scared. I gave birth in a few hours with my little girl. im pregnant again and cant wait to do it again. good luck

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