In laws playing favorites

Nikki - posted on 04/20/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi!
My in laws are playing favorites big time and I am wondering if anyone has experience with this? My son is the first born grandchild for my in laws but as soon as my niece was born it was obvious she was their preferred grandchild. I also have a daughter who is the last and third born to them. They hardly acknowledge my daughter at all. There are so many scenarios to even list with things that they have done to show favoritism and my son is starting to notice. I don't want my son or my daughter's feelings getting hurt but my husband is worried that if we mention it that it will make waves. My son actually asked me the other day why they love my niece more and I didn't know what to say! I of course wanted to protect his feelings so I said, "oh no! they love you all the same." It made me upset though. He's smart and he picks up on stuff! They spend a lot more time with SIL'S daughter. They take her places, let her have sleep overs all the time while our kids are a "hassle." This past Christmas every grandchild was supposed to get 2 toys from them. My son got two, my daughter one and my niece got 4. It was so awkward!! I have been a stay at home mom since my son was born on and off because I have had to quit a job twice because they just up and decide they don't want to babysit. I've learned my lesson and put my kids in part time daycare but they won't even watch our kids if we ask in a pinch if they can't attend daycare or what not. They watch my niece for free no questions asked, drive 15 miles to pick her up and drop her off while they're working and whenever they need. My SIL and BIL really lay it on thick about everything going on in their life. We try not to make waves but it's getting out of hand as they took my niece somewhere special tonight when we actually needed them to babysit. Sorry needed to vent and would love to here your experiences!

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Mary - posted on 04/21/2016

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Hi NIkki,
I'm sorry to hear that you and your children are experiencing this. It's just awful that parents/grandparents would do that. I'm sure that as hard as this experience may be for you, and I can understand not wanting to make waves or cause problems..but they are who they are and I think it will only be beneficial for you (both of you) to just see his parents and their actions for what they are. You don't need to tell his parents that they are playing favorites or that you guys need them. They are grown ups and well aware of their actions. I don't mean (at all) to come across as blunt or insensitive about it, but at the end of the day you, your husband and now you child are hurting because of their actions. You know what you can expect from them and what you can't. That is on them and not you. Stop looking at them to be what you want (what they should be) and see them for who they are. Don't subject yourself and your children to people that are disappointing. In reality, how can you really tell a grown person, their grandparents, "Hey can you act like you care about your child and grandchildren more?" I know its not an easy solution, but it seems to be what you are experiencing. You guys have each other and whatever other family/friends you have. Focus on that.

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