Is it all me or are my in laws just really hard to get along with?

Tara - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have been with my husband for 12 years and the problems started just 6 months after we started dating. Yes I get that we were young when we started dating and Im the only girlfriend he ever had and people always tell me maybe she just can't let him go but I don't think it that. I really don't think any of them like me, I was raised to speak my mind and to treat other how you want to be treated. So when I see something or hear something that I think is wrong I say something and I'm really disliked for it. Almost like who are you to say anything. I thought as time went on it would get better but it hasn't and now we have a son and it is just making it harder on me.
His mother has always been the harder one, once the mother and father spilt about 6 years ago his father doesn't bother at all. My son is 3 and has seen him 3 times and all 3 was us bringing him to see our son he makes no effort. sending a Christmas card and he thinks he is the greatest grandfather going. His mother is the type of person who puts on a show, like she is the best mom/mother inlaw/ grandma and it makes me soo mad. Example if we are at her house just us she will say bye and that's it but if we are at family like his grandma's she will kiss him and huge him bye SHOW.. and that makes me sooo mad. I am who I am and they don't like it that they do wrong and rude things and I call them out on it.
So his mother started dating a married man who 3 years before was working with my husband. at the time they all worked for the same company mother inlaw married man and my husband..
My husband wasn't happy but he feed all this crap about how he is going for a divorce and they aren't living together, I few years later we come to find out that he is still living with his wife but they AREN'T together she is just living with him because he doesn't want to sell his house because he has worked hard for it and why should she get half of it. Then this summer to find out they now have a son the same age as ours and his mother was STILL seeing him, so my husband freaked out and told her as long as your seeing him I want nothing to do with you. My husband called the wife and told her that his mother was seeing her husband for the past 4 years and that it's time she new because no one was going to tell her and to have a son they are STILL together as husband and wife. So we had no contact with her for 3 months then the grandfather died so yet again we started talking, She puts on an act like everything is fine, my husband found out she had tickets to a hockey game which my husband and son love and she gave them to her daughters friend from work. My husband was really upset and asked her why didn't you ask me, why am I never thought of ( nott the first time) and he told her you never try to make things work you always wait for me to call you and say we should move on and try to get along, she only tells him that her picking up the phone when he calls is her working things out. Who says that to there kid?? So this was a few months ago and I haven't seen her because I will punch her out.. So we have a mil that puts anyone before her kids and a fil that can't be bothered with his family. I always think am I just acting childish but the things they do and say really hurt us. My husband only has 1 sister and our only son is the only grandchild and they could care less to see him, and I came from a family where your kids were your everything..
Am I wrong for wanting to cut them out of my life and stay away from the drama.??

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Sarah - posted on 03/15/2013

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Well said venesia!
I think there's some unwritten law about in laws. I too work my butt off to please them and I know if there was the slightest thing wrong they would be the first to throw the harpoon at me. I've learned to just smile and put up with it because I know my partner and family are worth more to me than the upset his family cause me. Don't get me wrong I grit my teeth a lot of the time.
Your mother in law sounds like a drama queen...mines the same...she purposefully creates drama when there doesn't need to be...for example, she will limp about to get something and il say "you alrite, you want me to help?" She'll reply with "no,no love I'm fine" so il sit back down then next day she's bitching about how i let her struggle with her bad leg! And she bitches about my partner to his sister and vice versa, as if trying to get her kids against one another! Absolute mind case she is...there's something like this ALL THE TIME. I think she loves attention and causing drama because she's so unhappy with her own life.
I don't blame you in the slightest for wanting to cut her out of your life
How does your husband feel about it all? does he want to cut them out or work things through? As they're his parents I would try and support his decision even if that means putting up with their crap. I wish you gigantic heaps of luck in this matter and remember youre not alone!

Venesia - posted on 12/31/2012

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Inlaws = drama, in there eyes you can't do nothing right, So there is no point trying to please them. Yes they can be very nice when you are always giving them gifts and do everything they want, but if you decide to go against what they say. They are quick to point the finger. Just try and have some sort of relationship if you can. You will know what feels comfortable for you.

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Tara - posted on 12/31/2012

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That's Silvana, it does help to know i'm not the only one going threw this. We had a talk last night and think we are just going to put it on the table for his mother and sister that if they want a relationship with our son there are some things they are going to have to follow, I hate putting it like that but there has to be some lines draw. I still have no plans on seeing them unless it's a must like my son's bday in 2 months. but after that nope, they can see my son and husband when he wants to go see them but I think Im still staying away for now at least.
I'm sorry to hear that you guys have had problems with your only uncle. Some families just have some people you just CAN'T get along with.

Silvana - posted on 12/30/2012

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Drama is not good for you or your marriage or your kid. My opinion,take it or leave it lol, theres nothing wrong with distancing yourself from drama for your own families sake..i have an uncle (my only uncle) who has serious problems n trys to come back into the family, it caused major arguments within the marriage..um marriage or loser uncle..i'll take the mariage..cut him out and as tough as it still is..things are back to normal..less stressful..you do what ya gotta do for u ur husband and kid..open lines of communication with ur husband and you'll know whats best.. I wish u lots of luck!! Hope this helped even a little :D

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