Is it bad when my 15 month old falls/hurts himself I pick him up ?

Nakita - posted on 09/22/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I bump heads when it comes to curtain things. Like when my son falls ill pick him up make sure he's not bleeding or hurt. But he thinks I should just let him cry it out and not baby him ?! :/
Another situation, eating out at restaurants, it's hard sometimes to keep him quite and content. So ill give him things to play with, like straws or chop sticks. He says I'm always giving into him ?!
Help please advice would be great!

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Danicia - posted on 09/25/2013

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on the falling I agree with your bf to a degree. I don't think you should pick him up and check him over. with our daughter if she falls she looks to us for a reaction before responding herself (unless she actually got hurt). we give her a poker face and suggest she get up and keep going and that's what she does. the majority of falls are just clutsyness and don't hurt her. there have been some falls that I almost freaked out but put on the neutral face when she looked to me, she got up and carried on. if she's actually hurt she'll cry without looking for a response from us.
on the restaurants, I disagree with your bf. your son is 15 months. he does not have the mental capacity to sit still and quiet for 20-50 minutes, he needs something to keep him distracted. when he's 10 yrs old then your bf has a point but right now he's wrong.
good luck :)

[deleted account]

There is a fine line between attentive parenting and over parenting (aka babying).

With falls and such, you can usually tell by the fall whether he could be hurt or is just mad or startled. If he falls on cement or falls a long distance, obviously go to him and check for blood and broken bones. If he trips on a root and falls into some mulch, or trips on the carpet, he's going to be fine, just let him shake it off. If he cries, it is usually not because he is hurt, but rather because he is mad that he fell or because the fall startled him. Go to him, help him stand again, but don't pick him up. kneel down to his level calmly talk to him, using encouraging and validating statements--"Oops! Fell down, try again now!" or "That happened fast! Let me help you out this time." Avoid picking him up and cuddling him against your chest--that will encourage longer tears. Also avoid statements like "That was a nasty fall! I'm glad you are okay!" because that will just validate his fear that he could have really gotten hurt, which will not only make him cry longer, but make him more fearful of trying again.

If he gets hurt doing something he should have been doing, again, avoid picking him up, but get down on his level and calmly say something like, "This is why we don't do that." Keep it short and sweet--the fall was the discipline for the misdoing, let that be his teacher.


As for the restaurants, if letting him play with straws or chopsticks keeps him from disturbing other guests or making a mess, then by all means, let him use them! As long as he is playing quietly AT the table, that is wonderful!!! Just don't be that mom who lets her toddler climb up and down the chairs and under the table, or melt down to a tantrum from boredom. You could also keep some small toys in your purse to give him--a couple crayons and a notebook, some matchbox cars, or a small wooden top, for example.

Denikka - posted on 09/23/2013

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Restaurants are one of those things. At home, you would never sit at the table for 30+ minutes before getting your food. And 30+ is a long time for a little one. It's a good thing to have something to occupy the child during that wait :)

As for the falls, what I do with my kids is, unless there is blood or it was a really nasty fall, I let them come to me. I'll stop and look over, do a quick visual check, then if they're crying, they come over to me to get a hug and a kiss. If I'm not directly there when they fall (my kids are 4.5 and 2.5), and they come over to me crying, I make them take deep breaths until they stop, so they can tell me what happened, then it's a hug and kiss and they're off again.
I can always tell when it was a bad fall/injury and they are genuinely pretty hurt. Either there's blood or there's that special scream. My kids also aren't generally big cryers (mostly because of the breathing thing, it really helps to calm them down quickly, and now they do it themselves), so when they scream like that, I know it's genuine.

[deleted account]

Well, that's one of those times when you have to look at the whole picture an make a decision that might buck the rules a little. Ears are made of cartilage, so if he hit it hard enough to bleed, it would be gushing blood, you'd see it from a mile away, and cartilage can't be "broken" so unless he fell like 3 feet and hit his ear, or fell against a stone or cast iron table that could have given him a concussion, he was fine. That said, it hurts like MAD when that cartilage gets crunched--and it can continue to sting for a few minutes after, way more than a scraped knee or bumped elbow. I'm sure he cried, and I think it would have been a good idea to comfort him a little in that case, if he was crying before you got to him. If he wasn't crying before you got to him, I wouldn't go to him.

A lot of times, when a young child gets hurt, they are more stunned than hurt and they look to you to see what to do. If he sees you rushing toward him with a concerned look on your face, it will scare him and he'll cry. So just stay where you are, smile at him, and open your arms (the universal symbol for "I'm here if you want a hug". If he is hurt, he will come to you (unless he can't walk because he has a broken bone or serious sprain, but that would only come from a pretty high fall or getting stuck in something at this age). If he comes, hug him and make him feel better even if he's not hurt, but make him come to you so that he can see that he's fine, he just wants some reassurance from mom.

I think what you are doing in the restaurant is perfect. I wouldn't change it. Would he rather you let the child scream and annoy everyone else? I only mentioned the toys because I thought maybe he was annoyed he was making a mess with the chopsticks and straws, but as long he knows that once they go into the food or drink they are no longer toys, I don't see why he shouldn't be able to play with them.

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Nakita - posted on 09/22/2013

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Like tonight he fell and hit his ear against the coffee table, so I picked him up to see if he was ok...would that be babying him ?
And as for restaurant, when we are out we don't let him run and climb all over the place, he sits in the high chair and I try to keep him as quite as possible, toys straws chop sticks so on,

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