is it fair to have another child ?

Rachel - posted on 06/13/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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i already have children and one of my son's have cystic fibrosis and i would like to have another one but is it fair to have a child with a life threathing condition again ?

14 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 02/06/2010

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One idea might be to look into adoption. This will allow a child that needs a home to have one and for your family that wants another child to have one. You could decide if you wanted to be open to certain special needs or if you feel a healthy child would be a better fit for your family.

Jennifer - posted on 02/06/2010

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I also have a baby with CF. He was diagnosed at 5 months old and he's now almost 11 months old. I'm also struggling with the fact that I want more children but I don't want to knowingly inflict this illness on another child. The odds of having a child with CF is 1 in 4 with each pregnancy. So there's a 75% chance my next child will be totally healthy and a 25% chance that he/she will have CF. While those sound like decent odds, I know that I had those same odds with my son and he DOES have the disease. So I don't like those odds very much. IVF is definately an option and while it's quite expensive, it is possible to ensure the embryos they implant don't have CF. Genetic testing is done after fertilization but before implantation.

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2009

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I think that if you want another child you should go for it. As long as you are going in with your eyes open and know what may happen and are prepared to deal with it. It's really a choice you have to make for yourself. It is not selfish to want more children. You have love to give and you deserve to be allowed to give it. I've never had to deal with anything close to what you go through day to day and if you feel that you can take on more than I say go for it!!!

Rachel - posted on 06/22/2009

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Quoting Paulette:

Hi Rachel,
I totally understand your worries. My first child was born with a hole in his heart and a cleft mitral valve. It is repaired and doing fine. At almost 5 was diagnosed with mild autism with speech delay. I also have a family history on my mothers side of birth defects. But I decided to try again and now I have a beautiful 20 month old daughter with no problems. I talked to the doctor and knew the odds but ultimately it comes down to what you and your partner want, your health and courage. If you feel that you can handle things with a child with CF,another son and one more then you should go for it. Really any criticism has to be put in perspective. Because it would be you, your partner and your children living in your household and not others. Any way you decide it is a good choice. Take care.



hi paulette thankyou for understanding and for your advice , some people dont know what it is like to have a child with a disabilty but do try and at the end of the day my son was given to me to look after and i feel very thankful having him in my life .

Paulette - posted on 06/21/2009

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Hi Rachel,

I totally understand your worries. My first child was born with a hole in his heart and a cleft mitral valve. It is repaired and doing fine. At almost 5 was diagnosed with mild autism with speech delay. I also have a family history on my mothers side of birth defects. But I decided to try again and now I have a beautiful 20 month old daughter with no problems. I talked to the doctor and knew the odds but ultimately it comes down to what you and your partner want, your health and courage. If you feel that you can handle things with a child with CF,another son and one more then you should go for it. Really any criticism has to be put in perspective. Because it would be you, your partner and your children living in your household and not others. Any way you decide it is a good choice. Take care.

Teliah - posted on 06/21/2009

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Hi,
I knew someone who had two adult children, both of whom were living with cf in their early twenties. I also read in a magazine a few years back about a women who had 10 children (I think) 6 or 7 of which had cf and 2 or 3 that didn't. I guess my point is that these parents chose to live their life with children, knowing the risks and going with their hearts anyway. As one of the other ladies said previously, I think you should have a serious discussion about having another child, put the worries to the side if having another is truly what you want. I can't pretend to know how hard it is to have a child with cf, but I do know of a saying that is "the only children you will regret, are the ones you didn't have."

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Have you talked to you doctor? What are you chances in having another child with CF? IF the are strong I would love the chilldren that I have and count my blessings.I f they arnt strong then I would seriously think it over and woit a little longer your youngest is barley 1.

Kelly - posted on 06/14/2009

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I don't have any experience with CF, so I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes. However, I have 3 biological children and 1 adopted, and I can 100% say that it makes no difference, biological or adopted. They are still "yours" in your heart. So, having said that, maybe you could think about adopting if you want another child? There are children that are out there that can fill that desire for another addition to the family. Just a thought! Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

Jana - posted on 06/13/2009

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I don't think it is a matter of fair or not. I think if you have the desire to have another child then you should talk about having another child not talk about having another child with CF. If we only focus on the negative then why would we ever try new things or try things more then once? (Please don't think that I think having a child with CF is a negative, and yes I do know someone with a child that has CF so I have a small sense of how hard it can be) If I were in your situation, I would talk to my doctor about the "odds" of having another child with CF, and then go from there. I don't think there are any guarantees when you have a child and there will always be "what-if's" But if you have a desire for another child why fight it just because of fear of the "what-if's?"

Jocelyn - posted on 06/13/2009

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that's a toughy... i'm not sure that if i had a kid with CF (or another genetic disease) that i would feel comfortable having another kid. i have heard that you can do an artificial insemination that will help decrease the chances of the next kid having it (but i'm not sure how they do it)

Abby - posted on 06/13/2009

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not saying this is the correct route, but is it possible to have some form of ivf(or whatever the treatment is) to have some eggs fertilised and checked before they are out inside you? just an idea, as i understand ur want for another child, but obviously u want ur child to be as healthy as poss. or u just take the risk and have another natural child, there's around 1in 4 chance(i think) but they arent great odds!!

Rachel - posted on 06/13/2009

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my son aj is 13 months old and has cf and i thank you for being so honast with me and open with me .

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That's a tough one. CF is a hard disease to live with. For 26 years I watched my cousin fight to keep her daughter alive through 2 double lung transplants and countless stays in hospitals, stints, pills, clap therapy, oxygen treatments, you know the drill. So, knowing what hard work it is, and knowing that you and your partner are obviously both carriers, are you willing to risk it? I don't know how many children you already have, but my advice to you would be to count them all as blessings and not risk having another with such a serious disease. I really don't mean to sound harsh or mean, I promise. I just think that the risks far outweigh the benefits. If I may ask, how old is your CF child?

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