is it me or is it him

Tootie - posted on 06/01/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

118

42

4

Lately I've been feeling like I don't get enugh credit when it comes to running My house and raising My children. Now being a mother iswhat I chose and these are the things that I do but I have no Problem exprressing to my husband how good a job he does and the appreciation that I have for him for getting up everymorning and going to job he hates and all to take care of us and keep e happy. I let him know these things even though these are the things he has to do for his family, as a man. I don't get that and I need it too. To me it seem like all i get is whats wrong or not done but never the good stuff. ONLY on Ocassions ie.birthdays,V times day ect...I know he's not a romantic person but I AM and sometimes it just feels like after 12yrs he still doesn't know me. and sometimes i feel like i don't know him anymore... I guess I'm asking u out there because he has NO Idea that I feel like this and if it's not a problem to him @ that time then it seems as if i'm picking or naggingbut i gues i just wanna know is it me, am i making something out of nothing or is this something i should bring up?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

I want to suggest a book, "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Basically there are five ways people communicate and feel love. Acts of services, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts. It sounds like yours is words of affirmation. You need to find the way he receives love and communicate it to him in that way. My husband loves physical touch. It's way more than sex. He likes to be randomly hugged, should squeezed, hold hands, etc. I could care less about those things, but I make sure I do it, because that's how he feels love. Me, I feel love by quality time. So we make sure to walk the block together, have quality conversation in the car, etc. I know the title of the book sounds incredibly cheesy, but there's a lot of good advice in it. Be sure to he understands what you language is! It's reciprocal. He gives me my quality time and I make sure he gets his touching...lol.

5 Comments

View replies by

Rachel - posted on 06/02/2010

35

6

0

I know how you feel. I have used those exact words at times when it comes to feeling like my husband doesn't know me. He does the same thing, just on holidays- that's cause he knows I'll expect something. Talking about it has to come first, if it bothers you then it's important to address, no matter what he'll think of it because you will go feeling unjustified. Time together will also help, away from the home. Take a mini vacation on the weekend if you can. It helped me to re-get-to-know my hubby and reconnect.

Crystal - posted on 06/01/2010

369

20

50

Sounds like you guys need a date night. :) I would definitely bring it up, in a nice way though, so it doesn't sound like you're nagging. If that doesn't work, then maybe one day, don't do anything, and then when he asks what you did all day...you can say, OH, now you notice because you don't when things are done and organized! :) Then he'll realize that you DO a lot for the household. ;)

Most importantly though, I think you need to find time for yourselves. Especially after 12 years, in all the day to day stuff, it's easy to let your relationship take the back seat. It's up to BOTH of you to keep it going. :) My hubby and I have been married 8, and we have date nights at LEAST once a month... we try for more though!

good luck!

[deleted account]

I agree, He'll never figure it out on his own, so you have to tell him somehow. But don't sit him down for a "talk" you'll just come across as a nag and he'll tune you out.
I've been known to playfully greet my husband as he comes in the door: "Hi Sweet! Tell me how good the house looks and I'll tell you how much I love you."
I give him a playful wink and it makes him giggle, then he goes all around the house and points out little details about how great the house looks, and for each detail he praises me for, I point out some little detail about him that I love.

I know it sounds silly, but he would never notice all the little things I do unless I point them out, and this is a fun, non-nagging way to do it.
Here's a fun addition too--If you want flowers, make sure a usually cluttered table is cleared off, and when he notices it, say "Wouldn't it look even better with a bouquet of daisies!" Then wink so he knows you're serious. Always works for me :)

Heather - posted on 06/01/2010

46

1

2

Sweetie, you will have to bring it up. It's only too bad you didn't do this sooner. You can't hint at it, men need it straight so they fully understand. There is no romance in marriage; people have to infuse it into their marriage.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms