Is it OK for my eight year old daughter to say, "F*** you mama, F*** you!"?

Carrie - posted on 10/24/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I told her not to say that in front of my parents but she continues to use that phrase, she says, "F*** you mama F**** you indeed!" Do you know how to handle this?

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Chet - posted on 10/27/2014

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Our kids are exposed to a fair amount of bad language. Not at home, but in the neighbourhood. Our girls are also advanced readers and they are able to read more mature books where they come across strong language. We obviously try to keep the reading material age appropriate, but things have slipped through.

I've tried to educate the kids on why certain words are offensive to certain people. I've pointed out that the kids they've heard swearing usually have no idea what they are actually saying. They just know that the words are powerful or get a reaction, and they're copying how they've heard other people talk.

Definitely figure out where your daughter has heard this kind of language and explain why it's not okay to copy it.

Also, give your daughter an appropriate way to express how she is feeling. It's not okay to say "F*** you mama," but it is okay to say, "I'm really angry". I think it's important to acknowledge how kids feel. You always have a right to your emotions. As parents though, we need to teach kids to express and cope with their emotions appropriately.

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Nizhóní - posted on 10/29/2014

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Yikes! Sounds like there's a respect issue. I'm new to this and it might get me thumbs downed by most- but yes, I cuss. But, my kids? You would never hear it outta their mouths- they know better. Children get away with what we let them get away with. You said not in front of the grands? I feel like this might be a joke- is it? I'm not trying to offend- I just can't believe you are serious. No, it isn't ok. Seriously. All kids are different but most learn by innocent manipulation. And she learned it and now uses it and can get away with it- as long as grands are outta earshot. Soap doesn't work. Spanking definitely isn't the answer. You need to put your foot down, activate your smash mode and start correcting her. Or you'll have your lil sweetie disrespecting her teachers and anybody else. I personally would start by taking things or privileges away- every time she dropped a bomb- and I mean a disrespect bomb- (because the f- bomb is just a variation of endless words she could use and just hasn't learned.) Along with a serious talking to. Does she know what her words mean? Or who is she mimicking? Do you or did you giggle or laugh when she said it the first few times? Who is she around? How does she behave when reprimanded? I hope you can figure out a way to help her communicate- and give her a better way to maybe vent?

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2014

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I disagree with putting soap in a child's mouth. But that's me. And in some places, it is illegal because it is considered a physical and abusive punishment (which I agree that it is).

There are other ways to stop them from speaking like this. Have very clear, non-physical consequences (eg, remove privileges) AND make sure you and her father are modelling appropriate behaviour, language and respectful interactions with others. I think the first step in handling this is to identify where she is getting the modelled behaviour from, because I assure you, this is not something she just came up with on her own.

Nicole - posted on 10/25/2014

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I would tell her it is not acceptable to say at any time not just in front of your parents, if she continues to do it a bar of soap in the mouth can be quite effective.

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2014

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You actually have to ask if its ok for your 8 year old to say this to you? I'm sorry, but who on earth is teaching her that this is an acceptable phrases to use, let alone speak to you like that? And all you have done is told her not to say it in front of your parents? That's it?

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2014

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At 8 she should know better.
Who has she heard it from and why is she saying it?
What are you doing besides just telling her not to? What are the consequences for her using rude language?

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