Is it ok to ask for some help if im a SAHM?

Srcgholt8486 - posted on 12/21/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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First off it was my husb idea that once our son was born I would quit the two jobs I had been working for the last 6 yrs (I worked both until I was 38 weeks) and stay home with our 5 yr old and newborn. He has never been a tidy person even tho he claims to be, he works now but there was a period of time he didn't work at all for quite a while but also did NOTHING to keep the house up he slept all day and did what he wanted. I cleaned cooked and took care of my daughter 100% after I took her to a babysitter all day while I was working and the nights I worked she went to my moms. So he had no responsibilities what so ever and I never really bitched. Now I am home and very grateful he is willing to work so hard but I cant take a shower fold a load of laundry or even eat! When he comes home he is always watching movies or tv to help and if I ask him to hold the baby while I do something he acts like I asking him the world. Sunday is his "on call" day so he is home unless he is called out and told me he would put up xmas light but never did and found 1 million other things he "needed" to do and it never got done. I don't want him to do house work but chip in once and a while so I can actually sit down when the baby sleeps. He always says he is to tired to help but then conveniently goes out with his friends or doesn't sleep even tho he says he is to tired to help. What do I do to make him understand I just need him to help just a tad? Ive asked nicely, ignored him and even told him sometimes but its like he doesn't care because im not gonna "leave him" their are times the baby is screaming while im doing stuff and holding him but my husb just ignores it doesn't ask or look at me. Am I being to stuck up asking to help?

4 Comments

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Bridget - posted on 12/25/2013

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You are a couple , and couples share responsibilities ,I am also a sahm and know how hard things can be x you are not a slave and he needs to grow up a little bit ! its hard work with a newborn and a toddler , please talk to your husband

Rosie - posted on 12/23/2013

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Haha brilliant!!
Include night feeds and put cleaning up his mess at £9.00 a hour ;)
Your not his maid. Xxx

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2013

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You have every right to expect him to help. He helped create your children so he can help raise them!!!
When I was a SAHM my husband never expected everything to be perfect. He understood that some days you couldn't do anything. He has always helped out though. He does his own laundry and the kids laundry. He does the dishes because I cook and spends time with the children if I need to fun out.
Maybe you should go on strike and just look after the children for a day. Don't clean, cook or do anything for him. He may realize that you do a lot in a day and it's about time for him to help.
Or you could bill him for your time. Write up an invoice and itemize it with all the chores you do, how long it took and an hourly rate. Maybe if he sees it in a monetary amount it could make him realize how much it would cost if someone helped you out.

Rosie - posted on 12/22/2013

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I'm not married, but I know a woman in the same situation as you but she just lets him do what he likes and she has 4 kids 7-10 months old! I'd suggest you say to him look on your 'on call Sunday' I'm going out for abit of me time and my mum coming with me I need you to have the kids and look After the house.
Don't feel ashamed in wanting some time away from the house or the kids you still need to be you. And maybe plan one of those Sundays for you as a couple :)
Hope this helps x

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