is it selfish to want an hour to myself?

Crystal - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 47 moms have responded )

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I have 3 children all 3 years apart. so they are 6 to 3 months old. I stay at home with the baby and my 3y/o. I can't go to the bathroom with out my daughter following me in and having to sit in there with me. I always seem to have someone attached to me all day and night. I just want an hour to sit and know what it's like to miss my children. I miss my oldest son when he's at school and I appreciate the time we spend together when he gets home. My daughter drives me insane! and not the cute ask me a million questions insane, it's the into everything you turn your back for 2 minutes and she's cracking eggs on the floor or flooding the bathroom playing in the sink insane. Is there anyone else going through this?

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Veronica - posted on 01/27/2010

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I too feel this way. I'm a stay at home mom with a 2 year old and somedays I just want to scream. Then when my husband gets home from work (usually 12 hour days) he is so tired himself that I feel bad if I ask for time to myself. However, every 2 weeks or so I do, just some time to read, relax, bathe, or watch a WHOLE movie and actually know the plot. Everyone needs that "me" time and shouldn't feel selfish for taking it.

Laura - posted on 01/26/2010

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Every night, my husband takes the baby for 30 minutes and I am promised uninterrupted time. I can take a bath, read for a while, take a quick nap, whatever I want to do. If you don't have a husband/boyfriend or yours isn't willing to do that, hopefully you have family nearby that would be willing to give you a few hours each week. Sometimes Grandma will watch her so I can get groceries without a crying baby in the checkout line (am I the only one this happens to? She's wonderful for the whole trip but when we wait in line she goes crazy!)



If no one can do that for you, I'd encourage you to NOT use nap times to catch up on cleaning. Take that time for yourself, and DO NOT feel bad about it, you deserve it.

[deleted account]

You need time to yourself for sure and try not to feel guilty about it! If you dont get the time to replenish you wont have anything left to give anyone...you cant give what you dont have. Many of us women seem to lose ourselves! It is very important to remember who you are! Dont put aside your likes,hopes and dreams....resentment will start growing before you know it!

Heather - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think we all go through it. You need some time. Pick a day of the week and a time. Like Tuesday 6-8 will be mommy time. Go out with friends, go to the gym, see a movie, maybe even just go in your room to read. Moms need time away. we have a never ending job with no days off. You are not selfish. if anything you will be more relaxed and in turn be a better mom.

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Ana - posted on 02/02/2010

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I love being a full time mom, but sometimes I say "enough"! and all I want is to be alone

Amy - posted on 01/31/2010

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I FEEL YOUR PAIN. my kids follow me everywhere as if they were attached at the hip. even when my husband is home. i have to lock the bathroom door to take a shower. I happen to have an escaper child. He thinks it is funny to go to grandmas house two doors down when i am asleep in the morning. and he has gotten into EVERYTHING HERE!!! i am not kidding i had to call poison control twice (because you don't really know what is in things) he ate a tube of toothpaste and drank a bottle of gripe water all while i was doing the dishes. he is fast and very sneaky. but it is a never ending thing here with him and now his brother is 9 months old and getting into stuff so it seems the only quiet time i get here is when everyone is in their beds at night. oh and i got an alarm system on the house and a safety knob on his door for at night!!! LOL i am hoping it will get better soon. do you have any family near by to give you a break every now and then? maybe that would work and you could relax for an hour or two.

Trina - posted on 01/31/2010

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lmao, oh yes hunny probably every mommy alone!!! I have a 5 yr old a 4 yr old a 2 1/2 yr old and am 6 months preggers with my 4th!!! i have been raising my three alone for two years and when i was with my ex husband he didn't do anything so i have felt like a single mom for 5 yrs now, trust me you need an hr or two to yourself or else your brain might burst lol!!!! i feel your pain trust me, if daddy is there have him take over for awhile sometimes, doesn't have to be everyday thing but at least every other day ;),lol!!!
i didn't have extra help so i had went nuts until i figured how to schedule time for myself at least twice a week and i felt alot better when i was with my kids and i seemed to manage lifes everyday stress better!!! maybe make an event day where the kids go to grandma's and grandpa's for a few hours or the day, or maybe with aunt, uncle!!! do this once to twice a month!!! then plan a daddy day where the kiddo's spend the day with daddy, and mommy gets well deserved free time!!!!! it's not selfish at all hun!!! good luck ;)!!!

Della - posted on 01/31/2010

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all moms need me time my me time i go to a movie sitting still does wonders for me

Crystal - posted on 01/31/2010

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I don't think it is wrong to ask for time to yourself. Everyone needs time to themselves. I have 2 girls and would go insane without it. I take my "me" time when they are down for the night.

Melissa - posted on 01/31/2010

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I think this is something that all moms go through. You just have to figure out a way for you to have some "me time." There have been some good suggestions already, so I'll just reaffirm that point. Me too is very important! Good luck! I hope your 3 little angels give you some well-deserved peace from time to time! :)

Janine - posted on 01/30/2010

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your not selfish your human. i have 2 yr old twin girls who are into everything so i feel your pain. they are going to family day care on wednesday for the first time , so i can have some time for me. i will end up cleaning the house or grocery shopping but it will be by myself with out interuptions. all of my family are a 3 hour drive away so this was my only option of staying sane. it is costing me money but it's for a good cause. if i'm relaxed then i'm a better mother.

Kris - posted on 01/29/2010

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I have 3 kids each are 3 years apart as well. My oldest is 9 then 6 then 3.
You need alone time it's a must. A very wise friend told me once that there is no such thing as too selfish or too cheap to afford your mental health.
Let there be no excuse to keep you from getting your me time.
Some ideas....
~ Take the kids to daycare, a sitter or a preschool a couple days a week for a couple
hours.
~ Go grocery shopping at night after everyone has gone to bed.
~ Find a neighbor or group that you can arrange playdates with, either exchange taking
care of each others kids, or get together somewhere and enjoy some adult company
while the kids play.
You deserve the best and remember you cant care for someone else if you have not taken care of you first.

Karla - posted on 01/29/2010

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Sorry im not there yet, but i will be...I think you should!!! Get more than an hour you deserve it!!! Motherhood should not be tormenting you, cherish it. Its ok to want to be alone and pamper yourself...youll go crazy if you dont!!!! Good luck... =)

Nately - posted on 01/29/2010

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I have 3 girls all 3 years apart so i know how you feel my youngest is in school now so i have the mornings to myself now but when they are home i have them with me all the time i can not move with them, when they were younger i had all the same as you and the older they get the more help you will get from them i would be lost with out them but still now i need time to myself when they are in bed because when they are in school i have cleaning and washing to do it will be ok

Carrie - posted on 01/29/2010

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Welcome to motherhood,But your area of residence may have parent and child drop ins they can be great for meeting other moms,Because once you are comfortable with one another you could trade baby sitting to get a brake or do shopping,etc..As women we need to stand together and help each other...Especially if a mom's with out a father.I noticed you didn't mention a dad,But I'm not going to pry.Hope this helped.

Monica - posted on 01/29/2010

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yes I have a 15 month old and a 3 year old who follows me everywhere around the house, so I went to wal mart and bought two gates, then I completely baby proofed the living room and got some new toys and dvds for them. now when I need a minute to myself ( or have to go to the washroom ) they stay in the livivng room where they are safe, and not driving me crazy. Also iv'e changed my schedule so they both nap at the same time so I can have some extra "mommy time". I hope this helps you :)

Sue - posted on 01/29/2010

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Yes I am going through this. Hang in there! They say it gets better I just ask when and pray.

Sandra - posted on 01/29/2010

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Oh, I totally know what you are feeling! I have 3 kids too. My oldest just turned 6, my middle boy is 4.5 and my daugher just turned 3. I insist on all of them having quiet time every day from 1-3. They all go into seperate areas of the house to watch movies, play, sleep, whatever, as long as it's quiet. I don't let myself do any housework durning quiet time. I either goof around on the computer, read, nap, do my nails, whatever, as long as I'm doing something for myself.

We need our breaks! Our job is 24/7, and it is NOT selfish to want an hour or two each day to relax and regroup. You'll be a better mom for it!

Marie - posted on 01/29/2010

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im a stay at home mom aswell i have five kids and one on the way my kids start from 10yrs to 1yrs my 3 yrs old drives me mad she does as she wonts she never listens to any think i spend all day and nite with them around my feet aswell i have sat here some times and wish for a hour on my own to do wot i wont with out them around my feet so no there is nothin wrong with wont some time on ur own hun

Kristina - posted on 01/29/2010

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I know how you feel. My son is only one but he is definately a mamas boy. Dad works all the time. I stay home with him 24/7. And it used to get so bad that I would lock myself in the bathroom while he cried because I just needed a break. What worked for me is if your man is off work one day take off and have a ME day. Go to the movies, go get your nails done, or heck go with your girls and go get coffee and catch up. You get out, you pamper yourself and you get to miss your kids lol. It works I promise you. Just keep strong Ma you can do it!

Marlene - posted on 01/28/2010

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No it's not selfish to want some time to yourself .. it's MANDATORY!!! As for your daughter .. I have the same problem, mine needs to be attached at 8 yrs old to my hip .. the best thing would be to try to get her in a play group (like a daycare or a preschool) this way she'll learn to distance herself from you, it doesn't have to be for long an hour or two a day or every other day. Also don't feel guilty!! Get the time you need .. when your husband comes home tell him ... I need a break, take a drive, go to a cafe sit & read or just have a cup of coffee by yourself!! You need to do something or you'll snap!! Good luck!!

Barbara - posted on 01/28/2010

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i have 5 kids...ages 11-22 and all still at home....they werent as bad as my 2 grandsons...they are my shadow..i understand your predicament and empathize with you...i havent figured out how to deal with the problems either..,the other family members dont do a lot to help either..sorry but no words of wisdom from me...all i can say is hang in there...they will be grown some day and you may be wishing for them to be small again..GOD BLESS YOU

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2010

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Hell I only have one kid and I demand time to myself! It's the only way to make sure that you're the best mommy/wife you can be! I seem to say it a lot in here, but the better taken care of YOU are the better you can take care of others.

Jessica - posted on 01/28/2010

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Absolutely not! Stay at home mom's jobs are never done & we deserve a break just like anyone else! Never feel guilty about needing "you" time, thats what helps keep us sane! :)

Rachel - posted on 01/28/2010

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I only have 2 children....but your story sounds alot like mine. I have a 4 year old and an 11 month old. They are up at 7 and asleep at 10. My husband and I spend from 10-11 together and then he has to go to sleep. He has to get up between 4-5am. He gets home around 6pm. By the time he eats and showers it's 7-7:30...so he only has 3 hours with the girls. During the day I can't go in the bathroom by myself. The second I get on the phone, my 4 year old gets into mischeif. The other day my 4 yr old took the top off the jar of peanut butter and gave it to her sissy. It was smeared everywhere!!! My 4 year old is the problem child. She is constantly doing stuff she knows she shouldn't be doing. She is constantly in the sink dumping bottles of hand soap and dish soap down the drain. Hanging the refrigerator door open and making the light go off and on. Constantly giving her 11 month old sister stuff she shouldn't have. My 4 year old is a handful...she makes me very tired some days. So it is definatly not selfish to want some time for yourself. When the baby goes down for a nap, my 4 year old does something depending on weather..go play outside, or in her room. or watch a movie and I have an hour or little more to myself downstairs. Wether it be on the computer or watching t.v. And then I stay up for an hour or so after they go to bed....so I do take time for myself or I would go insane. And there is nothing wrong or selfish about that!!

Rachael - posted on 01/28/2010

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too funny! I thought I was the only one! lol I have a 1 1/2 year old, a 4 year old and a 7 year old. My 4 year old is the one that I cannot turn my back on. Into everything and I mean everything. Its nice (in a good way) to know I am not the only one. Most of my friends that have kids only have one. Thanks to me, I think thats all they will ever have. lol. Wanting an hour for yourself is only normal. It seems you go from having 1 child and telling yourself you cant wait for a few hours to yourself, like maybe grammy will take him or daddy, to wishing for 10 minutes to yourself because it seems that no matter what, you always have atleast 1 child at home with you.

Kathy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Of course not everyone deserves time to themselves. We have to keep all the doors closed unless we want him in there opening drawers and taking the folded clothes out of the drawers and throwing them on the floor.

TAMMIE - posted on 01/27/2010

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Honey I am in the same situation as you. No it is not selfish to want time to yourself. I never get any time to myself either. I know how you feel.

Christie - posted on 01/27/2010

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I did feel that way many times when my kids were little ~ and I don't miss those times as much as people told me that I would, but I found that if I got up a bit earlier and sat in the quiet (once in awhile; often the kids got up at the same time), or went to bed after my husband and kids, I could find a respite here and there. I also took time to just read while they played (or ransacked) in the room next to me ~ using baby gates to keep them from getting into unsafe things and to keep me from missing a moment when they were headed the wrong direction...it is normal to need time, we have to refresh ourselves to continue pouring out to our kids. A mother's helper (younger teen in the neighborhood who comes to play while you take a break), a dad who is willing to take a 20 minute time (while you got sit in the car, even) is a wonderful change of pace. I even asked dad to watch the kids while I went and hid in the library for a few minutes at times ~ we all need breaks, and it surely doesn't mean that you are not a normal mom, nor not a good mom! the three year old can play alone while the six month old is napping ~ and you can take that time to "tune out" as long as you have provided a safe environment and are available should fire/blood/extreme need kick in (just don't take the whole nap time). Videos would be okay at this time as well ~

Marisol - posted on 01/27/2010

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no it is not shelfish to want time for yourself . i have three girls 9 yr old, 2 1/2 yr old, 9 mth old. i am with them all day everyday 24 7 i would like some time for my self , i need a breather but times its hard to that. we need to take care of our selves and are health. being home all day all the time can be really stressful and tiring so i understand where your coming from.

Mayra - posted on 01/27/2010

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HELP!!!I know how u feel.I have a daughter about to turn 3 in two weeks and just drives me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You should get someone to baby sit your kids for at leats an hour and go to a spa or even if its to the park to relax just a little.its not selfish,us mothers,women too deserve to have a little privacy of our own as well.

Sheryl - posted on 01/27/2010

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i feel like that alot too. i just talk to my husbend and ask him to give me and hour or let me go do something so i can get a lil time for myself. try that! i think for mush moms that helps. i know it sure helps me!

[deleted account]

That's the thing I miss most about working. I had some time to myself. LOL - it's also one of my biggest motivators for going to a gym now. I get to put kids into the playroom and have one hour by myself. (I literally will stop 15 minutes prior and sit and read a magazine in the locker room sometimes.)

My two youngest are complete terrors - A day doesn't go by where I'm not mending a body part that is bleeding, a broken item, a destroyed area, etc. (Don't get me wrong - I laugh every day from them as well. But, they are exhausting!) So, I can feel your pain.

I'd examine your "hour to yourself" - usually, it's not peace you want but relevance that you want. One hour that is completely relevant to your own needs. I'd think about doing something like trying an online class through a local college (You can sign up for online classes at almost any university in the country and live anywhere in the country.) I know - sounds like more work, but in actuality - it really does help focus on you and you alone. No real benefit to anyone else.

As for alone time from a 3-year-old, I cannot suggest TAG enough or an iPod Touch with toddler applications on it. That will give me 15 minutes where I can know he won't get into trouble, and I can just do what I want. BUT - it won't last longer than 15 minutes, and I can only count on 10 minutes.

Yvonne - posted on 01/27/2010

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no i dont think its selfish to want time alone at all. its important toget some a bath is good listen to some music lock door switch of. your somebody to that needs looking after. and if you dont look after yourself nobody else will.

Heidi - posted on 01/27/2010

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Hi, it's hard work i know, i have 3 who are 3 years apart, oldest is nearly 12. Belive me it does get easier, they grow and do a little on there own and get more independent .
Hang in there it will get better, all of mine at school now and that little break gives you strength for the rest of the day and the chance to miss them and be happy to see them x

Maria - posted on 01/27/2010

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NO you are NOT selfish.... I miss my old bathroom with the big jetted tub. That is where I used to hide everynight.
Now, I just get resentfull which is not good. I am blessed with children still at home who help out (of course it is part of their chore board which leads to allowance) but I take it however I can get it.
I am just upset because I am resentfull when I do so much and the kids hubby even dogs get time to them self. That is what FB circle of moms is good for!
I also utilize nap time, when they older it is called quiet time where they just have to spend nap time in their room, either listening to cd stories or readingl

Nancy - posted on 01/27/2010

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Yes! You deserve some "Me Time". When my husband gets home from work, I go to Curves to workout, that is my main "me time". A lot of times if it is nice outside, on the weekends, I will go out for a walk by myself. Last night, he decided he didn't want to go with me to a meeting I had at a restaurant, so that ended up being some nice "me time".

If it weren't for having such a supportive husband, I don't know what I'd do. Hope you have that too, if not maybe family in the area can help out for an hour every few days?

Leigh Ann - posted on 01/27/2010

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I am right there with you. I have an 8 year old and a two year old both boys. The two year old is into evreything and it drives me crazy. For Christmas I asked my husband if he could just give me a day by myself. I did not get it but I keep hoping. HA! I even told a friend if he would just let me be locked in the bathroom ALONE for an hour that would be great. I feel I can't do anything not even pee by myself. I have joined a MOPS program and I go every week and that has helped me. Hang in there we can and will get through this!!!

Marcia - posted on 01/27/2010

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It is not selfish to want some alone time. The trick is trying to find that time. I have three children of my and home school all of them. We are together 24/7. I have been able to find some activities they can do, like youth group, that give me alone time. I am also blessed that my husband is at home with me and is a great help. We take turns letting the other have some time alone and youth group provides alone together time. I hope you can find this time for yourself. We all need this to recharge.

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2010

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my kids are 2 1/2 and 15 months old and they drive me insane somedays too.. i guess ur gonna have those days when they are so close in age. but no u need time to urself.. u need a sitter or a family member who understands and even that i find hard to find a family member who understands ... but find a sitter u trust and take the time u need to clear ur mind and feel better cuz trust me on this alllllllllll mommies have had days where there needing just some "me" time and if they never felt that way than they are a robot or there kids are a robot or they have nannies lol... haha!..

Billie - posted on 01/27/2010

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It helps to know others are going through the same stuff. I commend you for doing it with 3 since I just have my 1 for now, but we've been talking about another one soon. Alone time is definitely important! Hope you can find some time to yourself soon!

Rachelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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you need alone time! take it from someone who knows. i will go and go like the energizer bunny untill i cant go any more and then i just lock myself in my room for a day or two to recoop. its unhealthy. a better option (which i have been doing for about a month now) is "quiet time". my kids (age 3 and 4 ) must be in thier rooms for 1 hour being quiet, either sleeping or playing alone. this has solved problems with me getting too much mommy time as well as sibling rivalry in our home.what a blessing.

Nicole - posted on 01/26/2010

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it's not selfish at all to want some me time. it is normal and healthy to be away from your family sometimes. whether it's an hour of reading, bathing, working out alone or going to the grocery store alone. you need it and deserve it. having some me time will do your family good too because if mama is happy everybody is happy.

Aliree - posted on 01/26/2010

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My youngest used to be the same as your daughter. I finally figured out that she was bored and that's why she seemed to get into everything. i found that by giving her specific things to do and to play with her or next to her helped. I also think you should start having some quiet time.

[deleted account]

Yup! I have 4 and some days i just about go out of my mind. I have "mommy's bath time. from 8-9 in the evening about every 2nd night my husband has to handle the kids. No phone calls, no knocking on the door, they have to leave me alone! If you have time to yourself it will make you alot more patient and calm afterwards. I like to read in the bathtub cause it's my only chance. lol Every mom deserves a little "me time" it's not selfish.

Amy - posted on 01/26/2010

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I feel your pain , i cound"t wait for my daughter to start school . God bless you for having three, I only had two.When the baby is down for a nap ,try a quite game of something like drawing daddy a picture or lets dress your baby(doll) and get it ready for a nap, While she 's playing or napping, you try to read or something that you like. Even try to bake with the little one. good luck

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