Is it selfish to want to go away alone for a day?

Jes - posted on 06/08/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )

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My husband said I was selfish to want to leave him and our three year old daughter behind while I went to an overnight concert a couple hours away with friends. I haven't left for time alone since before my daughter was born! I don't feel it's selfish at all to want to go away without my family for a night, especially since I haven't gone anywhere in years. What say you?

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Iysha - posted on 06/09/2011

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I think you're far over due!!! I designate 2 times a month for me to go out with friends and have a good time. It isn't selfish at all. If he's upset, oh well...you cant be responsible for his emotional state. he'll get over it...get him a little souvenir or something! lol.

Kimber - posted on 06/09/2011

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Hello, i say GOOOOOOOOOO and have a GREAT time with your family,and friends!!!!!!! I don't think that it makes you selfish at all!!!! I don't belive that there is anything wrong what so ever for you to beable to go out,and have you a little fun!!! Well anyway hope this helps you out in some small way girl. Now go have some fun!!!

Brenda - posted on 06/08/2011

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I would say No it isnt! Plus he should see it as bonding time for him and your daughter! I say u should be able to go, it is for a night and 2 hrs away... Not a plane ride away!!

Brandi - posted on 06/08/2011

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i get told all the time that im selfish for wanting ME/ALONE time. but i tell my fieance "i either get my time alone or im gonna go insaine".... u need adult/girl time to talk to other adults. i mean i spend all day long talk to a 5 and ahalf yr old and a 23 month old and i sure do look forward to seeing friends so i can have an adult conversation and not feel like im gonna go insaine every once in a while. its not selfish its that the men in our lives dnt always understand how we actually need these alnoe times. just lik they need their alone time.

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[deleted account]

No it isn't. I always feel a little guilty on the rare chance that I get to go and do something without my kids, but seeing as I am with them all day everyday (except when the boys are in school) then I think I deserve a small break.
This is for one night, he can deal with it.

Carrie - posted on 06/12/2011

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No. I take a few hours for myself every pay day to get my nails done. It's the only time I take away from my kids and honestly it's even tough but I learned quickly if I don't do things for myself I get pissy and I'm not helpful to any one

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2011

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I know you've (sort of) resolved this already, but I wanted to add that sometimes Daddies can feel nervous about being the sole caregiver of a child for a few hours if its not something they're used to. It is absolutely okay for you to want and take some away time! Make sure you let your husband know that you are confident in his abilities as a dad, and that you don't accidentally make him feel otherwise by writing out a detailed schedule or instructions without asking if he wants one. I used to do that for my husband because I thought it would make things easier for him! Instead, it made him feel like I didn't trust him to handle it, so he hated me leaving! Once we talked about it, we both realized it was a dual misunderstanding and we've both taken time off since then with no problems. Good luck! And have fun!!

Melody - posted on 06/11/2011

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No! I feel the same way...and try to get away at least 4-5 hrs. a month. Even if I have to go in next room n take a nap or watch a movie or play on the computer...it helps! I think we feel like we r loosing ourselves, if we don't do something just for us! I'm home alone two weeks straight w/ 2 & 3 yr. olds, I NEED some adult or alone time! Plus I come back n feel refreshed n more patient too.

Kelly - posted on 06/11/2011

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my opinion, do it. we all need a break sometimes. nothing wrong with that. u r not being selfish at all

[deleted account]

Does it really have to do with your daughter? Because she's three and it just sounds ridiculous to call you selfish over one concert/night away.

It sounds like he's a bit controlling and just doesn't want you to go somewhere fun without him.

[deleted account]

It's not selfish at all, you deserve to have alone time. Your husband needs to have an understand that you need time alone or go out with friends.

Fotinitsia - posted on 06/11/2011

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I THINK YOU DID WELL..IN ORDER TO FUNCTION AS A GOOD PARENT AND WIFE YOU NEED SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF.OF COURSE YOUR HUSBAND HAS THE SAME RIGHT, DON'T FORGET THAT! I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD BOY AND SOMETIMES I WANT TO GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE THAN DIPPERS AND BABIES.IT'S A HUMAN NEED...MY HUSBAND DOES IT TO...AND THEN YOU RETURN TO YOUR BABY HAPPIER AND WITH A CLEAR HEAD!

Jes - posted on 06/10/2011

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Thanks, guys. He admitted he was wrong to call it selfish but it's obvious to me that he is not in love with the idea of me going away for a night. Oh well, he'll get over it. You guys rock!!

Nicole - posted on 06/10/2011

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She is with her father. I would go it will be great for him to be alone with HIS daughter. Enjoy yourself.

Annie - posted on 06/10/2011

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You need time for you to be a good mommy sometimes. I know I could use some time away!

Erin - posted on 06/09/2011

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Has he got to have alone time? Does he realize that everytime he's at work, he get's alone time? My husband has let me go do my thing with friends ever since my last one was around 5 months old. I paid dearly for nights out though. Not being able to breast feed after a few drinks and being so engorged took the appeal off till I was done with breast feeding. And I breastfed till around 15 months. But I've gone to concerts, on snowboarding trips, golfing, shopping alone even helps. Seriously, go to the concert and tell him to relax, just as he always gets to. Atleast more so than you ;) Good luck and stick it to him!

Jackie - posted on 06/09/2011

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hmm...im not sure Jes. I do not think that it is a bad idea. What is that saying again?..."Separation makes the heart grow fonder". I mean your little one is old enough to know that you will be back and its sometimes its nice to get some breathing space. You realise what you have just by having some time to relax. I think your husband will just miss you :)

Christy - posted on 06/09/2011

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Selfish or not, I think you should do it! It's very rejuvenating to take a break from the daily grind and get away and it can help your husband appreciate all you do more when you're gone for a day and it either doesn't get done or he has to do it.

I suggest you negotiate with your hubby that you be allowed to do this and he be allowed to do this, too! Maybe he finds a concert he wants to attend or some other form of a guys night. Or ask him, "What can I do that would make you enthusiastic about me going to this concert for the night?" Such negotiations should result in both of you being happy with the results. If he's asking for something you don't agree with, keep brainstorming for other options.

Alyssa - posted on 06/09/2011

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SAHM Mom's never get a day, hour or a minute off. We generally get no sick days or vacation days either. Your husband needs to understand that to be a better parent, you NEED some adult time, and some time away from him as well.

Jane - posted on 06/09/2011

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Everyone needs some time to themselves every now and then. My dad made sure my mom got every Saturday to herself. He brought her breakfast in bed and the car keys. He kept us entertained by cooking fancy food my mom never cooked. My husband would step in several times a year, whenever I had to go to a conference somewhere. It was a mixed blessing in that I got to be a regular grown up for a few days, but I really missed him and the kids.

Your husband is a parent, too, and he should be happy to bond with his three yo. If he isn't he should at least be happy that you will be happy.

Amber - posted on 06/08/2011

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Not at all! I went to Colorado for a long weekend with one of my girlfriends when my son was not quite 4 years old. I felt refreshed and relaxed when I came back. It was good for the whole family.

And now, Chad and I went away for a week at the end of May. Christian went off to grandma's house. That was also really good for the whole family.

Having a happy, relaxed, and de-stressed parent means more patience and smiles for your child :)

Crystal - posted on 06/08/2011

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Go! It is not selfish. Does he get to do things on his own? Would you hold him back from going if it were him? You are still a woman ... not just a Mom, or a wife. You need your time alone with friends; it's healthy! My kids are 3 & 5 and I go on overnight trips, or day trips without them all the time. he he DO IT DO IT DO IT. he'll be fine, she'll be fine, and I'm sure you need it after 3 years! :)

Michelle - posted on 06/08/2011

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Go for it. I don't see how it would be selfish. Somehow I don't think he thinks it's selfish either. He's probably a little freaked out at the prospect of being alone with your daughter overnight. I know my husband was when I left him with 1 of our 3 kids once to go take care of my grandma over night. Have fun.

M - posted on 06/08/2011

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You should definitely go! There's no reason you shouldn't be able to do something for yourself.

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