Is it wrong to be overprotective?

Blanca - posted on 05/04/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

9

25

1

My son is 14 now and I can't even think of letting him go out anywhere with friends. Like he asked me if he could go to the park...I'm like, "are you crazy? No!" I feel he will be a target for those dumb gang people. If you can see his picture, he looks so innocent!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Constance - posted on 05/04/2011

2,651

24

146

Good luck!!! Let me know how he is doing. Also make sure you prasie his good behavior. If you need to talk just send me a message. I am a good listener. I will help out where I can.

Constance - posted on 05/04/2011

2,651

24

146

Blanca, If this is how he is acting then you have to set down ground rules before he gets any priviledges. Don't let him have the control and I know you are not trying to. But if he isn't doing as he is told then he has control. The first thing I would do is take all the extras from him. Cell, IPOD, and xbox. Make school his only priority. I did this with my friends son. He wouldn't listen, wouldn't take showers, didn't do his homework. She is a single mom and was working 14 hour shifts. I didn't let him do anything until his grades were up to A's and B's. I got him on the right path until his mom found somebody new and stuck a needle in her arm.
This is what I did when my daughter got really out of control. I made an appointment with the school counsler so I could speak to all the teachers about work. Now that we have computers e-mail is awesome. They would send an e-mail once a week to give me what her homework would be. Then I cleaned out her room. I mean I cleaned it out. Bed, matress, dresser, tv, radio... I only allowed her to have a blanket and pillow. She came home threw a huge fit. Yelling how I was ruining her life and I didn't love her and blah,blah,blah. My next step was after about 15 min. and she was still screaming I went back at her. I flipped all of the furniture, knocked everything on the floor. She stopped and started watching me. When I was done I look at her and told he to clean it up. She tried to yell again. I simply looked at her and said if you don't clean up this mess ans start doing as you are told. I will call the police and tell them you did this and you are completely out of control. I looked at her and said who do you think they will believe you or me. It took about five min. to get her to start cleaning but she did. When she was done I gave her her mattress back. We sat down late that day and went over a behavior contract. You can find them online. It just basicly says what is exspected and what the consequences would be.
I know this my be extreme but it did work. When they are exposed to things that will hinder their success in life sometimes it is the only option. Remember I never put my hands on her not a finger. Now she is in all AP classes and has been on Dean's list all year. I don't know if it will work for you but sometimes we have to outsmart them. Beat them at their own game.

Constance - posted on 05/04/2011

2,651

24

146

IMO You have to give him room to grow. I have been going through the sme thing with 15 yr old daughter. It was really hard for me to let her go and hang out with friends, but I realize I had taught her to be responsible. So I got herr a prepaid cell and she has to check in every hour or two depending on where she is. I set a curfew and she knows if she breaks it she can't go out for a couple of days and she has to keep her grades no lower than a B or she will lose her cell and that means she is stuck with mommy.
On the other side of being too protective I have senn kids that were really good kids until they turned 18 or went to college. Then there was no rules and they went absolutely nuts. Partying, not studying, get arrested. I am going throught this with my 19 yr old niece. My brother is a complete idiot. She went off to college last fall and they had kicked her out before the semester was over because she didn't go to class and wasn't doing her work. My brother never let her do anything. I am punishing her myself because I have always spoiled her and now I won't buy or give her anything. Not even birthday or Christmas and I took her laptop I bought her from her. She got so made at me and I told her when she got her butt in gear. I would start giving her things again. We will see.
I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your son but it is good for him to learn bounderies and responsibility. Good luck I hope this helps.

12 Comments

View replies by

Sandra - posted on 05/08/2011

1

25

0

I am overprotective of my daughter. I think what Constance is said is a good idea. I am going to start that with my own daughter. She is 12 and don't want to do anything either. Sometimes she give me trouble about going to school, then I know something has happened. She used to love going to school. I am going to look in to this behavior contract and start using it on her. Blanca, if I were in a bad part of town I would be very overprotective of my child. You don't know if something could happen. A beating they might live through, but if there is guns getting shot might be worst. Good luck and I hope all turn out great for your son.

Alexis - posted on 05/06/2011

632

21

21

You need to teach him about real life and prepare him for real life. Your not always going to be around and some life lessons learned while your here to help him learn them are good. Most overprotective kids tend to rebel and go crazy when they get away from home and this can be very dangerous. They also tend to not have as much life experience and that can get them into trouble as well. I don't see an issue with letting him go to the park, however if its his friends your worried about then I can understand. If his friends are friends that you think are a negative influence then I can tottally understand you not wanting your son around them, but if they are good friends and you approve not letting him go to the park at 14(if its safe, I don't know where you live) is a little much.

Victoria - posted on 05/06/2011

121

3

17

If you are too over-protective, he will rebel and sneak out and do the things he wants to do anyway, but behind your back. At least if you give him freedom, you will know where he is and what he is up to.

Blanca - posted on 05/05/2011

9

25

1

Its that the park that is in our zone are a gang hang out ..and my nephew was just jogging he was i think 14 at the time two guys were walking and told his friend to just punch my nephew.. So maybe cuz it really bad out herei have a image that my son might get attack and i will go to jail if that happens ..

Stifler's - posted on 05/05/2011

15,141

154

604

I think it's a bit overprotective to not be allowed to go to the park at 14 personally.

Deepti - posted on 05/04/2011

492

16

152

SORRY THIS IS NOT HELPFUL FOR UR KID... THE MORE U LET HIM MIX UP IN HIS PEERS AND LET HIM GO OUT IN PARK, THE MORE CONFIDENT HE WILL BE TO TACKLE ANY ADVERSE SITUATION. u cant be with him everytime but u can make him independent with ur strenght and guidance... opt for later and u will be gifting him a more secure, confident and bright future.
visit:http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/

Blanca - posted on 05/04/2011

9

25

1

Oh wowww thanks alot .. Im definetly gona try this ... Thanks alot .. Im gona look up the contract u talked about... Really appreciate it !!

Blanca - posted on 05/04/2011

9

25

1

Thanks lot constance .. He has a cell phone .. His own room and a ipod 4 plus his own playstation 3 . And he goes to catholic school and he never wants to do hw or anything i gota scream at him to take a shower everyday and plus always acts like he dont wanna b bothered... And out here in brooklyn is dangerous so idk how to start to make him wanna do good for him .. I dont even know if he is gona graduate ..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms