is it wrong to include a child in a restarining order and stop them from seing theother parent?

Tamara - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i need to know ifi'm doing the wrong thing i'm constantly getting harassing and demeaning texts and calls form my ex and his new partner. they leave me stressed and feeling like crap which of course then affects my son. my son ha fortnightly weekend access with his dad but only see's him occasionly. there now have been reports of some sort of abuse going on ad my son comes home telling me that his dads new partner hits him, upon telling his father i recieved the most disgusting texts from both of them. i'm also pregnant so i can't have the stress and upset this is causing.



is it wrong of me to protect myself, my child and my unborn child by getting a restraining order against them as it will stop my son from seeing his dad for a while. please help

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Becki - posted on 03/03/2010

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if u feel u ur unborn child or ur son is in danger u need to get a restraining order against them n press charges against his new lover bc there isnt no reason for her to be putting her hands on YOUR child

Tamara - posted on 03/03/2010

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thanx guys i am trying to do the best i can unfortunately because they've now threatened new custody procedings, slander, and avo's on me, and wanting to include dominics name it's making it hard to do anything, i'm now having to get dominic into a mental health plan through my dr to get councelling sessions, so i have the proof, as the more professionals that say it's true and will stand up in court the better. apparently because of the shared custody laws now i can't stop dom fro seeing his dad as every child has a right to both parents, but thank u all

Lea - posted on 03/03/2010

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Tamara, since you're asking for advice/suggestions this is what I think: If your ex's relationship is affecting your son physically and mentally then keeping him away from his dad for a while may be the best thing. If your son's father will not protect him or believe him over his partner then you need to take that role.

Don't bad mouth his dad or partner in front of your son even though you may want to because you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. This may cause your son to feel torn between his parents and put undue stress on him emotionally. If you need to vent to help with the stress, start a separate journal, writing everything down about what's going and what's bothering you. Just write and let it all come out. Then close it and put it away until you need it again.

Love your son like I'm sure you do and be there for him. If your son is safe and happier your stress will more likely come down a bit which will be better for your and your baby.

Good Luck.

Michell - posted on 03/03/2010

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Please, do not tamper with your son's relationship with his dad! And never let him know of the "WAR" going on between u two(3)! Try to get a restraining order against dad's partner, but only if u have conclusive evidence! Sometimes the children pick -up what's going on and uses it! Take the information to authorities and let them handle it... Been through divorce twice and the emotional impact on our children are huge! No matter what let u're children know that both parents love them! Ignore texts! Relax and just be the best mom, u know u are!



This is not an easy situation to handle! Listen to u're sixth sense (Mom-sense)!



Good-luck!

Shirley - posted on 03/03/2010

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This has to be For your son, About your son!

If he is coming home saying his father's girlfriend is hitting him,something needs to be done! Have you found any bruises, cut or swollen lips,sore head from hair being puled..If you have any question to wether or not he's being abused I'd have a dcfs investigation done, to find out if its a light slap on the hands or something more serious,and if so, is the father aware it's happening.If it's nothing then dcfs will toss it out. but just because they don't find anything don't let your gaurd down. abusers are tricky as hell. it may take time and more time to get proof. It may be she is taking her resentment of you as the "ex" out on your son. If that were the case then I'd be getting my ex to the side and talking to him. If that doesn't stop it then go to more drastic measures.

with that aside, If you have a volitable relationship with your ex and his girlfriend to the point where it's effecting your mental and physical health,as well as your pregnacy, there is a quick and easy solution. stop direct communication with them. By going thru the courts, you can ask for a 3rd party communicator. this person would stand in for him(being he is the one creating the problems) who would stand in for him for any direct communications. inc. pick-up and drop-offs, discussions would also be filtered through this person.

this will only work if the 3rd party is willing to remain biased. if there is no-one,or he is unwilling to find an appropiate person, then the court will appoint a court liason to do it, out of his pocket. It really is a great way of dealing with your situation. I had to do it with my first husband.

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tamara i would get a new lawyer. if your son is being abused, there is no way on this god given earth you should wait a year for seeking full custody. GET a protection from abuse order. GET your son into counseling, and GO AFTER emergency full custody. if he is being abused by someone when you arent there, the abuse isnt going to stop it is going to escalate - a year is too long to wait, and you should not have to "last" for anything. dont listen to that lawyer. get a new laywer and get your child and yourself away from these people!

Tamara - posted on 03/03/2010

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hi thanx guys i ended up speaking to my lawyer who asked me not to do it just yet but to more get a bit more oproof of harassment and to get my son into councelling to help him cope, she thought that, thats way it would look better for me and worse for them and because we have to go back to court in a yr that if we can last til then i may get full custody and he would be lucky to get any access.

Josey - posted on 03/01/2010

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ABSOULTY NOT!!!!





i have the same problem with my son's father, i recently have cut off all visitation because i am sick of him blowing off reilley, he threatened to kill me! I would definatly look into getting a restraining order, most cases the restraining you get for yourself, goes for your child as well!!

Morgan - posted on 03/01/2010

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If you believe that the child is being hit or abused by his father's partner, then no there's nothing wrong with including him in the restraining order. You aren't not stressing urself, ur protecting ur child from abuse.

Brandy - posted on 03/01/2010

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I don't see nothing wrong with that if the child is in harms way. you need to do what is right for you and the childern

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