
Sarah - posted on 08/30/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )
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My fiance cheated. When our daughter was a month old and then about five months ago. At least that is what I know for sure. He did this in his last relationship as well. I have been working at trusting again, but to tell the truth, I don't. Period. I have a hard time believing anything that comes out of his mouth.
My request is two-fold. I would love to hear some stories about how people got past cheating (especially with a perpetual cheater) and have a happy relationship now. Also I'd love to hear some tales about people who have lived and learned and have better lives now than they did with that person. Maybe something in one with strike a chord in my life. Thanks for the help in advance.
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[deleted account]
Its hard to say but if you love the man that much....you just kinda deal with it, you know. like they say, (once a cheater, always a cheater) if you've had enough....get out! not all men are the same, and if a man can't appreciate what he has a home....is he worth fighting for??? i guess it just depends on how you want to live.
Nenna - posted on 09/03/2010
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When there's no trust there can not be a happy ending!
6 years in a relationship thought me well, the never ending doubt the never ending questions dancing around your mind, getting me crazy and explode over and over again about the same subject: cheating.
Its like a decease that eats everyone in a relationship alive: your partner you, and your love one's.
Remember: unhappy mommy= unhappy children.
I thought that when my partner cheated once, I could somehow forgive him, his excuse was the alcohol and the influence of certain friends (or so he said) However when it happened again I doubt every word he spoke.
I had already my children therefore I thought I was doing good staying with him, besides I loved him, but that love along the years became sad, no more smiles,no more hugs or caresses, I was always ready to sit afar from him to see who will he smile at this time...and like that, I changed sadly to say to a person I never liked;someone that felt betrayed, someone jealous, insecure, angry sad but mostly hurt.
I looked up for help, and the only solution was to leave him behind, it broke my heart, my babies were to young to notice dad gone but I did, because i missed him every day, and the worst was yet to come: a single mom with young children facing life in my own.--But I made it-- and thanks to God I'm happy with my family.
Years after I look back and I know that without trust and respect there can not be love, it can be routine, comfort or anything you want to call it, but when the man you love and shares your everything, cheats on you once...its already unforgiven yet you find the courage to step up forgive and move on, but when he does it again and again...he simply does not love you or respect you, HE DOES NOT DESERVES YOU!
If you see that hes not willing to change than you can only snap your fingers (reality check) and ask yourself this: Is it me the only one in this relationship that wants to make it work??? the answer it is only you, my advise to you is to find the courage to live better to love yourself more for you and little one. I pray to God that your heart not be full with resentment sadness or anger and I also ask him to give you the courage to move on, whether is with your man or without him!
LOOK FOR YOUR HAPPINESS, LIFE IN ONLY ONE!
Anh - posted on 09/03/2010
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I'm pretty experienced in this area! My husband cheated on me twice. I'm still with him. The first time I forgave him because it was his dad that begged me to forgive him. We were married a year after 4 years of friendship. My father in-law was married to his wife for 44 years, THROUGH good and bad times. He reminded me not everyday will be great.
The second time is very recent while pregnant to our daughter, 3 years old now. Communication is KEY! At this moment, my husband knows the following: that I love him, but not truly "in love" with him. His daughter loves him. I have been the most understanding and caring person and will always be there for him...ups or downs.
My take on this has to positive: He did not leave me for another woman, he loves our daughter, he's making the effort by actions and not be words.
Don't get me wrong, he still promises me the world, but I would remind him I'm not looking for words, just actions from him. The biggest thing out of all this is the WAY I'm treating him like I forgave his . I don't know but it's working because he hasn't left my side at all. I still think about what he did and will talk to him about it as a discussion, not on the offensive state. The best thing is that he's talking to me openly without yelling or getting upset. Hope this helps.
Sandi - posted on 09/03/2010
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I have been cheated on in a couple different relationships. But then I found a great guy that makes me his world. We now have two wonder kids together and have been together for almost two years and he does not even look at other women. There is an old saying that if he wont treat you right another guy will. Love is a strong power but you have to have trust and honesty to make a relationship work. Ask him if there is something lacking from your relationship that makes him cheat but dont let him blame you for it.
Tina - posted on 09/02/2010
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Think about it this way - yes, it's scary to be on your own, but is staying simply out of fear what you want to teach your kids? You deserve better than what he's given you, but you won't get any better until you believe it yourself. Stay strong!