is this selfish or what

Mandy - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 85 moms have responded )

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Ok moms, tell me honestly what you think. My husband and I get in this fight all the time and neither of us budge an inch......we need someone to babysit (usually my sister) and we are already out in her part of town....I am willing to just drop the kids off at her house since she is doing us a favor by agreeing to babysit......my husband on the other hand (who is driving of course) refuses, he says that if she was truly a helpful family member she would be fine with meeting us at a place of his choice so that we don't have to go any farther out of our way.....whe she reluctantly agrees even tho she thinks its selfish of him, he says forget it we'll figure it out ourselves and immediately drives us and our kids home. I think he is totally out of line.....if someone offers to babysit you shouldn't ask them to also pack up their own kid and come pick up ours when we are already on the road and only about 10 or 15 minutes away. He thinks there is nothing wrong with that and a "true sister" would do that without a problem. Opinions.........

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Krista - posted on 03/30/2010

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If she is offering (free of charge) its the least you can do but take them to her house. It does seem that He is asking a bit much, specially since she has her own children to care for.

Haley - posted on 03/30/2010

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i think your right and hes wrong if she is willing to help you and not ask for money or anything like that you should drop em off, unless like your short on gas or something

Rachel - posted on 03/30/2010

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Wow... sorry to have to say, but he is being ridiculously unreasonable. My husband and I are willing to do whatever we can if someone if generous enough to watch our kids so we can have date night or time to relax. It's hard to understand why he would be so close-mided and honestly rude about such a simple situation? Does he have something against your sister or something? Especially if your sister has kids too, that's a blessing she is willing to watch other kids at all! Maybe you should pry and see why it is he won't budge. I guess it's no fun to fight but he needs a little reality check and he should definitely have to give reasons for acting the way he is. I hope things get better for you soon! That's just crazy :-S

Brittney - posted on 03/30/2010

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I think he is out of line too. Even if you are paying someone you should take your kids there.I'm a babsitter and many times people dont realize how much it takes to do..:)

[deleted account]

It's your kid and your responsibility. I always go out of the way to make babysitters happy. Even though my babysitters are usually my mom and MIL and they would go to the moon and back to pick up my daughter. But if an aunt or friend watches my daughter, I will drive out of the way to drop them off and make every effort to pick them up on time.

I also regularly watch nieces and nephews and friends' children. They are always dropped off at my house. My SIL lives an hour and a half away and when I watch her children, she brings them to my house. Talk about going out of the way! If I happen to be in the city that is between us, we will meet there. But usually she brings them to me because she knows I'm doing her a favor (although I love to keep her kids).

Now my other SIL is notoriously late picking up her daughter. So I'm very careful about telling her yes I can babysit. I'll only do it if I know that I have nothing going on all day or night. I've had to bring my niece to appointments with me because her mom was late picking her up (even though I made it clear what time she needed to be picked up). I love keeping my niece, but I also have my own family and responsibilities.

So the moral of all that I just said: Your kid, Your responsibility, make life as easy as possibly on those willing to babysit, especially if they are offering free of charge!

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[deleted account]

Sounds rather selfish to me. It also sounds like he has a control issue. From what you described that was the feeling I got from it. I could be wrong though as I don't know either of you or if there are other issues between them that might have caused this attitude.

Lorie - posted on 04/05/2010

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Ok I if think you ask someone to babysit they should come to your house if your children are young ( I would say 6 and under ) b/e if it gets late then they are better off in their own bed, teddy's, toys etc.....

But on the other hand if they are older and ajust better then younger children do then they should go to their aunts house.

What if they go to her house for the day time babysit and if its at night go back to your house for close to bedtime.?? You guys are only 10- 15 mins away. ( its not a big drive for anyone ).

good luck. I know I didn't help much but I really think it all depends on their age.

Amanda - posted on 04/05/2010

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I agree with you! Sometimes it is hard to find a babysitter. You should definitely take the kids straight to the babysitter. It is not easy caring for other children when you have your own, so for her to agree to watch them is great! My husband would be thrilled that someone is willing to babysit and would drive the distance to take them there if it means we get to have a little us time! Good luck, and hopefully your husband will change his view on it!

Jenn - posted on 04/05/2010

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So if it were someone else babysitting, would he expect them to meet you somewhere? Or is it just because she's your sister, and he, like so many other people out there, thinks it's OK to take advantage of family members. She is already doing you a favour and watching your kids for free! I say you win this argument - hands down!

Iysha - posted on 04/05/2010

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When I have a babysitter I drive them to the babysitter. It shouldn't matter if they're family or not. The only time they go out of their way is if they are in the area (grocery store, shopping center or whatever) and they think it is easier if they pick up the baby and finish up their errands before they go home. You are right sweetie...he's wrong. My MIL lives next door and I still take the baby over to her with a bag packed for baby. Lol

Jessica - posted on 04/05/2010

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I do think that is selfish...I have 3 children and never get out due to no sitter...i would drive 20-30 mins for a break once in a while. It's your children and your responsiblity to drop them off. He shouldn't be asking so much of her.

Christine - posted on 04/05/2010

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My vote is selfish:0 I can't believe he thinks that way. What I wouldn't have given to have someone close to watch my kids, especially for free, which I am assuming. Is he aware how much babysitters cost...good ones! Where's his family? I am thinkin he was problably spoiled or use to gettin his way, why else would he think that. The world just doesn't do what you want, sounds a little immature to me. He should be looking at how blessed he is to have that kind of set-up at all. Sounds more like a power or control issue or he is just sick of your family and doesn't want to tell you. Hope it all works out. Good luck:)

Christa - posted on 04/04/2010

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seems silly and childish to me. sounds she is doing you a favor....don't see what the big deal would be to take them to her house. unless there is more to the story....I think you and your sister are right on this one.

Katherine - posted on 04/04/2010

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He is really expecting a lot from her. Maybe you should let him try it and see what happens.

Amber - posted on 04/04/2010

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Mandy I agree with you.It's not that far out of the way and why should you sister pack her kid up to do you a favor. My sis lives 45 minutes away and occasionally watches my kids.I'm lucky in that she's usually willing to meet me half way and then we usually go to her house to pick the kids up from her.An alternative could be to meet halfway but then she's going to have to unpack your 2 kids and hers which can be a pain.

Karen - posted on 04/04/2010

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its very nice that your sister is willing to babysit so you and hubby can go out, get a break from the children. Yes I agree that he is being a little unfair to expect that your sister come to you when you are the ones who are wanting to go out. Is it that he doesnt really want to go out and he is causing a upset before you even head out?

Serena - posted on 04/04/2010

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Gosh, what a cheek, I'd say! Of course the least you can do is drop off !!! Wish I had a sister close enough to babysit!!

Jess - posted on 04/04/2010

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I think if she is babysitting your kids for free then your hubby should eat a big ole piece of humble pie and agree to meet her where ever she is comfortable with (within reason of course...no bars, etc). If you are paying her then you have the right to request her to watch the kids at your house most, but not all the time. Child care is not always easy to find. If your sister refuses to watch your kids because of your husbands ingracious behavior who will agree to put up with it? Perhaps you should ask him that. Perhaps he should consider that before he hands out demands.

Steffanie - posted on 04/03/2010

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You are right and he is wrong. Your sister is doing you a favor by taking care of your kids! Your lucky to have family members that will babysit, I am assuming free of charge! He is being completely selfish, especially if she has her own kids to contend with. Next time find a local teenager to babysit, and that will charge you accordingly. Than suddenly the 15 minutes out of his way won't seem like such a bit deal. Better yet, why isn't his family taking care of his kids! He should apologize to you and your sister.

Jessica - posted on 04/03/2010

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If she is babysitting and has her own children it is only fair to go to her place. Sometimes men just don't see things right. That is very selfish of him.

Koyoa - posted on 04/03/2010

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i feel the saome way if sum 1 is gonna babysit 4 u n ur already in the area then u should take them even if u werent u should still take them 2 her i babysit 4 a living n i couldnt imagine if i had 2 pick up every kids i watched n i have kids of my own... it would b crazy i think mr. fancy pants needs 2 tone it down a notch!!!! (shoulder shrug)... just sayin

Jessica - posted on 04/03/2010

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I have 4 kids and my sis has 3 kids. i am watching 1 of my sisters kids now and she brought her to me. when she keeps mine i take them to her. sometime we will load up our own kids and take them to each other house to watch the other others one kids...i all depends on the cercumstances. but most of the time the one who needs a babysiter does the running kids around. I think it is a bit selfish of your husband...but that is just my opinion.

Crystal-Lee - posted on 04/03/2010

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i agree with you there. she is baby sitting them so you should drop them off. sorry but i think its a bit selfish of ur hubby to expect her to baby sit and then also pick them up as well.

[deleted account]

I'm with you - the least you can do for free babysitting is to drop your children off at her house! I think your husband is being pretty self-centered.

Emma - posted on 04/03/2010

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If i was your sister i would be more than a little ticked off with your hubby !!!
And would quite frankly tell him to get a reality check !!
Who is Doing Who the favour after all !
I would also in my very sarcastic manner present your hubby with a bill for petrol used to meet him as said location, an hourly rate for watching the kids and a list of consumables with charges.
And ask which dose he prefer, doping the kids off and getting a free babysitter or footing the bill ?
But that's just me :-)

Amy - posted on 04/02/2010

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If you are paying her, it's reasonable to expect she come to your house. If she's doing this for free, you should bring your kids to her.

Regardless ... seems like he's having a bit of a temper tantrum over such a small issue. How can you possibly enjoy your evening with THAT event as the opening act?

Victoria - posted on 04/02/2010

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yea if she is offering to babysit for you
the least you could do is drive them there

Davine - posted on 04/02/2010

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I would absolutely agree! I have been the sister that always always had to drive to their house to babysit for little or nothing! Which I never minded doing it for free until it was every weekend with all my kids as well....and I was essentially paying to babysit her kids! LOL. dont get me wrong, i love them soo much. But it ended up causing so much tension, that her and I did not speak for a long time and even know we are just barely getting along for the kids. I would just explain to your husband that she is doing a huge favor, as it is very hard to find trustworthy and willing babysitters, and if she feels used, there maybe a day she might become resentful. Men dont ever think as logically as us though. :) I hope it works out for you, because that is a pain in the butt.

Katie - posted on 04/02/2010

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Lol, My dad used to say people like that were suffering from "center of the universe syndrome". Sounds like you need to sit your husband down sometime when he isn't already upset and find out why he feels that he isn't obligated to drop the kids off and that it bothers you that everyone (not just your sister) has to go out of their way to do you guys a favor.

Tiffany - posted on 04/02/2010

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oh my if i had a babysitter like that i would drop them off even if i had to drive 30+ mins out of my way

SHAURICE - posted on 04/02/2010

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i think he being selfish and since he ave such a prob wit takin the kid(s) to auntie hse den y dnt u and ur sis go out while he stay home babysittin.....see if he call u selfish den

Robin - posted on 04/02/2010

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He's is 1 of those's men that think every1 has to cater to them, and thats not far to you or to your sister. bcuz he is only thinking of him self and your the 1 thats coming up with the wamm to go do something with him. so yes i agree with you it is selfish of him to only think of him self. you to are together, so be together as 1............Thank You Robin!

Stephanie - posted on 04/02/2010

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If your sister were single, I'd say it could go both ways.

Yet, since she has her own kids, I think you guys should take your children to her house. I mean, she's offering to do it for no charge. If you have a teenage comeover for a couple of hours, it's gonna cost you minimum $40. That's more than the gas you'll spend driving them over to your sister's house to begin with.

[deleted account]

He is out of line. If your sister is willing to babysit, that should be enough. She shouldnt have to drive to pick them up aswell. Im sorry I cant give you any better advice, becuase im not sure how you honestly feel or how your husband does. But if my boyfreind was like that to me, I would make him stay home with the kids, and go out myself...Good luck!

Veronique - posted on 04/02/2010

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I agree with you. Your hubby is totally out of line on this one and it's very rude of him to expect your sister to pack up her kids and drive to go get yours after she offered to babysit your kids so that you guys can have a nice evening out.

Andleeb - posted on 04/02/2010

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U r right dear, ur husband should realize that ur sister is giving u a favor,

instead ur husband is being selfish & rude.
(if u r thirsty u go and have water, water does not come to finish ur thirst)

Carly - posted on 04/02/2010

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Well that is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard and I have got to be honest I know about 6 men in my life who are exactly the same. My hub thank god is not and is one of the most considerate people I have ever met but I have come across so many men with this selfish attitude. You need to explain to him that your sister has no obligation what so ever to look after YOUR children for you to have a night out with eachother. He should infact be extremley grateful as there are some people in this world who have absolutley no-one to help them out and are completley alone! I would tell him that if he doesn't understand and recognise his selfish ways he will un-doubtley live a very lonely life. I mean who the hell would want to be friends with someone like that? Trust me I am an expert on this as my Grandfather is exactly the same, after my Nan passed away it became much worse and now his own son's don;t speak to him becauseof his selfish ways. People like this always end up alone because there is only so much you can give xx

Jodi - posted on 04/02/2010

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absolutely we all agree with you. you are 100% correct. but i'd like to see how men respond.............................

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

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well, that sounds rude, but it does sound like something my husband would do. so you could do what i do? I invite my sister and her child to my house, I buy dinner a movie and set up the guest room and they stay over. It works.

Nikkole - posted on 04/01/2010

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he is wrong. its only a 10min ride. When some one in are family's watch are lil girl we take her to them. and it could be a 10min drive too. When my lil sister watch her she comes to are place bc she lives down the road so she just walks. i would be so pissed if my boyfriend would of turned around. next time maybe you should drive. lol

April - posted on 04/01/2010

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you're right, he's wrong. i think, however, in his defense, he isn't looking at his sister as a babysitter. he's only seeing her as a sister, not a person that is watching his children.

he probably wouldn't expect a non-family member babysitter to pick up your kids...he is just not looking at it like it's the same thing, but a babysitter is a babysitter...family or not!!

Laura - posted on 04/01/2010

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I think he is wrong. She is doing you guys a favor! If she needed you guys to watch her child, would he go over to her house? Sounds like he just wants to pick a fight.

If I am getting a free sitter, I am more than happy to drive my kids to their house!

Vanessa - posted on 04/01/2010

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I totaly agree but usually me & my husband are fighting over my mom to babysit & come get the kids..YES if some one offers to watch ur kids & they are at home or in for the night why not just make it easier on yourselfs & the sitter...the sooner u drop the kids the sooner you have time to yourselfs(instead of waiting for someone to get up get ready & pack themself & child into a car & come meet you)...men have no sense of time or multitasking anyway..they could never fit into one day half of the crap we do before noon.

Renae - posted on 04/01/2010

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Ah-ah, he is wrong. When you are babysitting, the kids come to you, or you go to the kid's house if it is nighttime and they need to go to bed and the parents will be very late. You never have to pick the kids up and bring them back. I babysat as a job for years before becoming a mum, I NEVER went and picked up the kids. If someone had asked I would have told them they had to pay me from the moment I stepped out the door and pay extra for fuel!

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2010

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That would make me so angry. It's common courtesy to take the children to your sister if she has nicely offered to babysit for free. He sounds terribly difficult to live with

Shayna - posted on 03/31/2010

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I would never expect the babysitter to pick up & drop off my child, that is just common courtesy! Unless they are hired & it is in their job description then it's just not right to expect it from them. If at times my car was broken down, I MADE my mother take gas money when she picked our son up.



You should tell him if he doesn't like dropping the kids off, then he can stay home with them while you go out. OR just tell your sister to refuse to meet him, then he will have to go the full way.



You should also really get your license girl, you don't know what freedom is until you have them! You definitely need more independence from your husband, you will appreciate each other that much more!!!

Catherine - posted on 03/31/2010

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Shoot! It's Free, right? The least he can do is take your children to her. Geez....I wouldnt blame her if she didnt want to babysit just bc of him! Being a babysitter myself I would not meet someone to get their children while having to pack my other ones up. No Way! Good Luck!

Nyssa - posted on 03/31/2010

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Are you saying this is a spur of the moment thing? I would definitly drop them off at my sisters then, but myself having 5 children of my own, I would prefer someone to babysit in my home. I don't have any family close by. I think it would depend on what time of day it was, too. If you're going out at night. I would really want the sitter at my home, that way I don't have to wake all my kids up just to drag them home, and if your sister only has one??? I'm sure she probably feels more comfortable watching them at her house. Maybe she wouldn't mind alternating? It would be kinda silly to meet her half way. Why get all the kids in the car just to stop in the middle and get in a different vehicle?

Bethanie - posted on 03/31/2010

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I say leave him at home and hang out with your sister and the kids! I know that defeats the purpose of "date night", but seriously, I wouldn't want to go out with him! I'd be pissed after he acted that selfish and childish! It might be the break you need! It's sounds like he is just a very unreasonable person in general and this isn't helping your relationship.

Alicia - posted on 03/31/2010

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my mom always babysits our 7 month old daughter. she lives 45 minutes from us, and everytime WE need my mother to baby sit we happily drive our daughter to her. its the right thing to do.

Lynn - posted on 03/31/2010

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I am sorry but you are right and also he sounds(sorry) a little bit childish @ the part when he decided to drive back home! Your sister is such a good person to offer to sit in the 1st place, my own mother in law (the kids grandma) does not offer or says she is busy 1/2 the time we ask her! You are so right if someone is kind enough to offer to sit for (free even) you should not ask them to go farther out of the way! I hope you, your husband and your sis can work something out.

Sabrina - posted on 03/31/2010

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I would change things up a bit. Don't go out with him if he is going to act like that. Get a babysitter and you go out with a group of friends or you and your sister go out. It will probably make him mad, but if you get to go out and enjoy an evening kid free without drama it may be worth it. Hope it all works out :)

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

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HA! way out of line! in fact i'd bet ur sister was very offened and will be werry on wether or not to do it again. expecaly if she has kids of her own! he sounds like a jurk but mabey he was just looking for a reason not to go??

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