Is your husband as much of an ass as mine?

Tasha - posted on 06/11/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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So ill try and make this short, i got a call from my aunt last week, letting me know that her boyfriend(of 13 yrs), ill call him bob, hes really like my uncle, that his dad passed away. Bobs mom passed a couple years ago and only other sib is his sister and shes a bitch, so we are really his only family. So my husband has known and agreed to go for days now, i wake up this morning to him asking me if i really NEEDED him to go, i didnt say anything, he said, " cause you know i work my ass off all week and only get two days off, i really dont want to spend it sitting in a corner at your familys", so i told him that there is something hed rather do so do it. Needless to say within a half hour hed set up a ride, he mountain bikes, with a few buddies. Im just absolutly floored at the way hes acted this morn. I really didnt say anything because i know i wont be nice and i dont want to fight before this service, im not sure what to say, or how to act when i see him tonight. What would you do? I feel like telling how much it has hurt me, but if he cant realize that then hes a moron and if he does then hes just a jerk,uuuuugh

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Carly - posted on 06/11/2011

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I would have told him that he didn't have to go as long as he took the kids so I could help my family through this without dealing with the kids as well. Since he has two days off that's two days he can spend with them. But I'm kinda mean.

Louise - posted on 06/11/2011

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I can see both sides of this argument. Your husband did not know the person who passed and probably feels a bit of a fake expressing his condolences. You on the other hand have to go to support your auntie and partner. This is a tricky one he should of supported you and showed a united front and gone as a family and you have every right to be pissed off. He is probably feeling a little selfish for not going. I really don't think it is worth an all out war about. If he brings the subject up tell him you felt he let you down when you had to go alone. Then leave it at that and move on.

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Tasha - posted on 06/16/2011

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Thank you ladies for your input, i really appreciate it. Its so easy after the fact to come up with the perfect thing to say, i think i was so suprised by his actions that i didnt have time to rationalize and come up with a calm, adult way to discuss it, so i just really didnt say anything, i let him decide what was important. So an update, he went riding, i had a great time celebrating with my family, although it was hard seeing all my family with their loved ones, and answering, "wheres your husband?", and not lying, so saying that hes out on a bike ride, it was quite embarassing, anyhow, i was on my way home and saw him at a local river park with the dog, i waved and kept driving, still upset. I got home and the house was clean, he did dishes, vacumed, cleaned the kitchen floor and did towels. It was nice but i tell you id rather have had him go with me. Well he made a bad choice in my eyes that day but he is my husband, and the father of my baby, and i love him even if he acts like a jerk sometimes, i know it wont be the last time either. It is so nice having these communities, i really dont have many friend i can talk to about these things, so thank you again!

Dionne - posted on 06/15/2011

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My husband is like yours, and I would have told him right away. I do try to talk to my spouse but he has issues with communicating. I would say if you are still upset with him when you get home I would talk to him. If you don't you will harbor the feeling and it will eat at you. Then it keeps piling on with other events. Try to talk about it as calmly as you can that way if something comes up next time maybe he will be more considerate. My experience is men are selfish but like I said my experience.

Medic - posted on 06/14/2011

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So Julie what you are saying is to hide how you feel and be happy not communicating? I think the op should talk about it. What kind of marriage is it when a wife cannot discuss how she feels and be validated. And no my husband is not like that.

Julie - posted on 06/14/2011

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Decide to be happy on your own. Allow him to do his own thing AND make sure you do things for yourself, too. NO ONE loves your family like you do - its only natural...do you love his family more than anything - see...?
Don't bring it up as it will only cause hard feelings.
Give him his space and you will both be happier -

Annabutton - posted on 06/14/2011

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Honestly, guys are really dumb! Most if not all are. You should have told him from the start how you felt because now it's going to feel like an ambush. You need to communicate with your husband because it's not fair to say yes and then yell at him later for it. Trust me, the male brain is not like female brain. They don't think ever! And when we finally say something it usually comes across as an attack. Next time tell him on the spot and do it without attacking. Maybe something like "I really was hoping you could come, maybe you could plan something fun for yourself next weekend but right now I really want you to come." If he acts like a child and says no then I don't know what to tell you, maybe you married a donkey.

Brittany - posted on 06/13/2011

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No! My husband is not like that! My husband's aunt passed last year and he wanted to go home for it. I know he would have been floored if I didn't go with him. Sounds like you are very close to Bob and that it probably meant a lot to him to make the trip back for him. I would expect the same from him.

Lynette - posted on 06/13/2011

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I can understand that he didn't want to go as he may feel uncomfortable or maybe it wasn't he place to go but to then go riding with he's mates, well that's a bit inconsiderate to you as he should have made himself available to you ie: to support you, do some things around the house so when you got home you could relax or even just to support you in any way he can. I can see how angry that would make you. Good Luck!!! Sorry for your loss.

Jen - posted on 06/12/2011

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Your definitly not alone. lol. Some men are just....I don't think I can say that word here. lol. Not all the time; even the best husbands can be....*bleep*...at times. ;)

There brains just don't work the same sometimes. When my husband does equally lame stuff; I just wonder whether he's got ANY common sense in that head of his at all.

Michelle - posted on 06/11/2011

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I know how you feel. My husband does stuff like that sometimes. Most of the time it's stuff that we plan to with my friends or that are boring to him because it's for the kids. Like "forgetting" doctors appointments, anything with my friends, taking the kids to birthday parties etc. Sometimes it's big things like taking care of my grandma overnight. Then I'm stuck with all 3 kids (3,2, and 6 months) at the outing. I know he works very hard but there are times when he should suck it up and be there with us (especially since we do that for him all the time). Talk to him about it as kindly as you can so he knows how you feel. Guys don't usually understand unless you spell it out for them. I love mine and I know he doesn't.

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