Ive got a partner but still feel alone! Why is everthing a struggle!

Louise - posted on 01/24/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Why is it that men think u can just do everything by yourself,i have no social life but he has n when hes been out he comes bk and moans at me,what have u done today?bin sat on your arss allday i bet!
Why is it they never notice all the things u do,ive got 3 children my eldest has ADHD,and ive got a little 7week old baby which i get no help with the night feeds,then i get moaned at when i fall asleep early.
I do all the housework and everything else.
Dont get me wrong i love him to bits but it just would be nice if he helped out sometimes,i feel like a single parent and im not.
Is ther any1 else who feels the same?

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Megan - posted on 01/24/2009

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I second that. A night or 2 should do it. If he still thinks it's easy tell him you'll go to work and he can stay at home.

Orangegloves - posted on 01/24/2009

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Have you spoken to him about how he is making you feel? Maybe you need to go away for the weekend and leave him to cope for 2 full days and see how he copes. He might then find some respect for what you do.

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Kathryne - posted on 01/05/2013

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Hi I feel so lonely wright know iv read these posts and Iknow Iam not the only one but sometimes most of the time I feel so alone .I have 4 children 2 yr old twins a 6 yr old and a 9 yr old , and it's so hard iv been married 10 yr and love my husband to bits and I no he does me to, but lately the stress of kids money eta is making me wonder whether or not it's worth hanging on any more .Iam screaming out for help ,for a break I have (we) have looked after our kid as best as we an they get our first and our last ,and no one at all helps us with them Iam beggining to resent our family's because no one will help not even for one night ( it's sort of a make your bed lye in it situation Iam only 28 and I don't want to leave my husband but right know my kids fighting shouting and utter irispect is tearing us apart ,but then I ask my self is our behavier tearing the kids apart is it time we split ,could I do it alone .My partner has become so unhappy distant and angry .

Rebecca - posted on 01/25/2009

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I totally understand how you feel my husband and i have been married for almost 2 years and we have a 7 month old son, well his first word was mama because he didnt know his daddy we both worked but when i was about 5 months pregnant i quit work because i couldnt stand on my feet for 7 or 8 hours because my feet swelled up so bad, anyways he was the only one working after that he still is. the day after Thanksgiving i was extremly sick and he called out of work he worked in fast food well he lost his job now his working with my stepdad whom i call dad and we are living next door to my mom and he works in the day as opposed to night before and he still swears that i dont work or do anything and he ignores our son and he wonders why he cries when he holds him. i would just talk to him. if you need to talk feel free to let me know i am willing to listen.

Alison - posted on 01/25/2009

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I know, its funny how when you have children your life changes drasticly, for the better of course, but your husbands doesn't. He doesnt have to give up anything, but you do. Totally not fair.

Breeze - posted on 01/24/2009

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Here's a funny for you:

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord,I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

Breeze - posted on 01/24/2009

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One of the best conversations we had was when he said, "You try going to the office supply store and get all the kids' school supplies, put them on the counter and then have nothing to pay for them!" (b/c I'm a SAHM, I make no $$) I replied, "That's fine. You take the kids to school and when the teachers ask for their required school supplies, you just hand them a wad of cash."

I had to get him to understand that I don't make any $$ but he doesn't pay for childcare or a cook or housekeeper or nutritionist or chauffeur... The kids are tops in their classes and extracurricular activities b/c I work w/ them. They're clean and well fed w/ nutritious meals. They get to where they need to be on time and on the right day and they have their needed supplies. The toilet tissue fairy, laundry detergent fairy, toothpaste fairy, grocery fairy and even the fairy that replenishes his deodorant supply is very efficient. It's taken almost 10 years but we now focus on our roles and talents. He shovels the walk, does the gardening and mows the lawn. I buy the groceries, handle pediatrician and haircuts and make sure permission slips are signed and in on time. I send him e-mails to keep him informed of the kids' recitals and hockey games and we all thank Daddy for paying the bills and Mommy for keeping a tight ship. Keeping score doesn't work -- it just makes for hard feelings. I keep a ta-dah list. It's the opposite of a to-do list. I write down everything I did that day including reading to my son and taking my daughter to dance class. Those things count. :)

Bertha - posted on 01/24/2009

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I do believe all of what you ladies are saying and the advice I give to you all is TALK TO YOUR MAN! You fell in love with him, married him, can't you TALK (not argue) with him. There are 3 important things to having and raising a successful family: The husband, the children and the Lord. Make sure you TALK to them ALL and love them all daily. They are a combination that will help you with the most fulfilling career of your life.

Stephanie - posted on 01/24/2009

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My husband use to be the same way. Until i went to work on the over night shift. he was taking care of my two daughters  who were 3 and 1  all day when he was home, plus all the cleaning making them lunch doing dishes laundry just about everything that i would normally do.  I ended up quitting because i got pregnant with our third, and wanted to be home more. He now is very helpful with everything. He still does the laundry and will feed the girls breakfast and lunch. My lil guy who is almost 5 months is a total momma's boy so he tries with him but he wants to be with mommy. he got a rude awaking on what all i did and he is much more apprecitive and doesn't nag about anything anymore.  I would let him have a taste of what you do all day. make a list on everything you would do, then go out for the day, when u get back give him the same speech he would give you. see how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot.  good luck! your so not alone!

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You have to talk to your husband and tell him to stop.  He needs to realize that you are equal and do a TON of work.  He should be helping you, not bringing you down.

Sinead - posted on 01/24/2009

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its a mans world i dont think they relise how hard it is to be at home all day with kids its very stressfull im with them 24 7 some weeks he doesnt take a day off so i dont get a beak but he can still go out every tuesday night with his mates and doesnt thing about getting up with the kids to give me a lie in

Victoria - posted on 01/24/2009

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Men I think are just so involved with themselves, they don't think about us...They love us, but don't really think about what WE do all day long while they go to work. WE work all day long to. I agree with you, cause I pass out early sometimes too, then it's like I feel guilty cause I am not spending time with them... Maybe if we never cleaned up or did anything, then they will see...(I could never let it happen though...LOL)
Well I was just posting, cause I agree, but what are we to do...

Deena - posted on 01/24/2009

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I feel your pain.  I used to refer to myself as a single parent.  My husband would "work" all day, then come home and pass out.  I would have to force him to spend 5 minutes with our son.  Our son didn't even start to recognize his own father until he was like 6 months.  Regardless of how many times you try to talk to them about helping out and spending time with their children they get mad.  The first 9 months of my son's life my husband maybe changed 5 diapers, tops.  He had never bathed our son, washed his bottles, or gave him a bottle until I got gravely ill.  I had to have open heart surgery back in december causing my husband to care for our child.  All he does now is bitch and whine how hard it is and how could anyone raise a child.  I often feel like he was never meant to be a parent. Its eats me up inside but I also know that I love my son enough for the both of us.

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