Jealous 11 month old??

Jenni - posted on 04/11/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So I thought that bringing home my new addition would cause some stress for my then 22 month old son. I was pleasantly surprised at how well he took it and had very limited jealousy issues from him.



Now my daughter is 11 months old. He's been having trouble coping with her constantly in *his business* :) IE: messin' his cars up once he sets them up or playing with his toys. I encourage him to share and he does really well at sharing with his older half-sister. But he's getting really frustrated with her drooling all over his toys and messing them up on him. I usually deal with it by distracting her with another toy or encouraging him to find her another toy to play with.



He seems to like annoying her. Like stepping in her way while she's crawling around. Or slowly pushing her to the side when she's standing holding onto something. She screeches at him when he does something she doesn't like and it drives me bonkers!!! I'm not sure if it warrents a time out for my 2 year old or if I should let them work out their issues as long as no one is getting hurt. :/ I'm also concerned that putting him in time out all the time for things he does to her would breed more resentment. I'm totally confused.



The other issue is she is so incredibly jealous of him!!! I thought it'd be the other way around! I can't even hold him on my lap or hug him without her screeching at him from across the room! Then she storms over with this angry look on her face. Stands up on my leg and screeches again at him and gives him a dirty look. Then she'll start smacking him! She'll scream until I pick her up too but then while on my lap she'll continue to shoot daggers at him and smack him. I'm not sure what to do! She's so young still, but I don't want to deny my son affection just because she doesn't want to share mommy.



*Torn between my two babies* :(

3 Comments

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You can teach them to play together. My kids learned to play with each other as soon as the baby became mobile.This requires time and patience on your side because it does require your involvement until they can do it on their own.

Individual time is very important and I know it can be hard at times but it is very reassuring for children.

One thing I do when a new baby is on its way is that I give my kids a candle and then light my own candle and liken the flame to mommy's love and as I light each of their candles I explain how i still have a lot of love to give to them even when I continue giving love away, it does not run out.

Another thing to consider is that maybe your daughter is used to getting all of the attention so you can slowly change that. Is she involved in playgroups/

Adrienne - posted on 04/12/2011

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She isn't too young to start time outs. When she starts screeching (when you're spending time with him), tell her firmly, "no screaming" and put her in a playpen, or strap her into her high chair etc. As soon as she stops screaming let her out and tell her "good girl! you stopped screaming!"

He is a boy, and boys like to annoy their sisters ( I have 2 of them so believe me I know!) however, there are boundaries also. Pushing and shoving should always be a timeout offense. When you put him in timeout tell him "you do not push" don't make it about your daughter. Children will always try and vie for your attention, so be sure to praise them when he shares with her, or is nice and the same with her. When she gives him loves or tries to share give her the same praise.

He may see his toys as "his" toys. Maybe he can have certain toys in his bedroom and put a child gate up, and he can play with some toys when she is awake. She needs to know that not everything he plays with, she can. What if when you distract her, you tell her "those are _____'s toys, and not for you. This is for you" and tell her the same thing every time you have to pull her away from her toys. Once she figures out she has her toys and he has his, it might get easier.

Kimberly - posted on 04/12/2011

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Perhaps try getting them to do things together like watching a video. They can take turns picking what to watch.

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