Just need to talk!

CJ - posted on 02/04/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I run an in home daycare and the other day one of the toddlers I was looking after fell down the staires. I had a baby gate up and several children (including my own) have leaned on it before and nothing happened. Well this little boy leaned on it and it gave out. I caught him half way down because THANK GOD i was on my way to see what he was up to. I basically had a panic attack cried my eyes out and apologize a million times. The mother still took her son out of daycare which i completely understand, but i feel like a horrible person for allowing this to happen. I am not second guessing my ability to look after children (including my own) I havn't been able to sleep at night because i feel so horrible. It was so bad to have had that happen in my home but to have the mom take her child out of daycare because she had a funny feeling about bringing him back topped it all off. I need some sort of tip on how to get my confidence back, because i cannot go through life feeling this way when I have my own to raise and still have others in daycare.

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CJ - posted on 02/05/2010

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Thank You everyone! It makes me feel alot better to hear I am not the only one that this happens to. It probably wouldnt of been so hard if the mom didnt take her son out of daycare. It just really made me feel like i didnt know what i was doing. But i guess some moms just need to make sure their kids are going to be 100% safe. Maybe from now on she will have someone come to her house. This way she knows its how she wants it. Thank you again!

Kate - posted on 02/05/2010

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lt's obvious that it was a terribly traumatic experience for you and you seem to keep reliving it. l've been thruough one of the most traumatic experiences a mom could live through. What l had to do to get past it is imagine where the little boy is now. He's not still falling down the stairs and he's probably not scarred for life from the incident.

A few months ago l left the gate open at the top of the stairs and my 2 year old rode his tricycle down the stairs. Or tried to anyway. All he did was get up saying 'my bike, my bike'. Even he isn't afraid of the stairs. Last night he was running down them trying to stay ahead of me. Hope this helps some. Maybe l'm way off base.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2010

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I can understand how you feel. I also do daycare and had a little boy hit his chin on my fireplace and need stitches. I too am very careful and that had been the first time anything like that had happened (been doing daycare for 8 yrs). It was a simple accident. He was playing and just tripped on his feet and landed just right on the fireplace. I felt AWEFUL! I know kids get hurt and no matter how careful you are accidents happen. I just wish it had not happened on my watch. The mom was very understanding. That weekend though I went out and bought a BIG pillow to put in front of the fireplace, so it won't happen again. I think some parents are more sensitive to those accidents than what others are. I know I once had a mom looking for daycare for her daughter. She came to visit and she did not like the idea that we had a dog (very kid friendly black lab). I could just tell that she would be one of those very sensitive moms that if the child got hurt (for any reason) the mom would react big time. I think it is fair for parents to react (it is their child), but I think it needs to be in perspective. Kids do get hurt at times and kids spend 9-10 hours in daycare so just looking at your odds chances are it will be at daycare.

Carolee - posted on 02/04/2010

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Kids fall, and baby gates don't ALWAYS work. It happens to almost everybody at one point or another. I think the mom overreacted a bit by taking him completely out of the daycare, but she's just probably one of those "constant worriers". She'll discover that she's not perfect, either. Don't worry about it. At least you HAVE baby gates! My son has fallen down a couple of stairs with us right behind him. It happens.

Just think of it this way... every single person who has been on stairs has fallen on them at one point or another. I have personally fallen down AND up stairs before (in the same day, even). It won't be the last time that kid falls, with or without people looking.

CJ - posted on 02/04/2010

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Yes, this little boy was happy every other time I had him and his sister. Its just things like this don't happen to me, i am normally super careful about everything I do and watch them with a close eye. The thing that is haunting me is everytime i stop and think for a moment or close my eyes all i can see or hear is the poor little boy falling down the staires. It does make sense that she was looking for a way out since she was on maternity leave for a year with him and it was the first time putting him in daycare. Thank you so much for the stories it does make me feel a bit better:D

Julie - posted on 02/04/2010

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I recently had my children in an amazing daycare. I researched over 20 daycares, and went to over a dozen on site interviews ( i had a horrible experience the first time, so I am over cautious.). Needless to say, my kids picked this daycare out themselves. Within the first week they got pinkeye, and then right away got chicken pox (yes, they are immunized). I didn't hold it against her. Later on, my daughter was the one singled out by a biting baby, and I picked them up on multiple times with bite marks all over her body. Finally, I went to get them one evening and my son had a gash over his eye. He climbed on some patio furniture and fell off a small hill onto landscape rocks. Of course the daycare felt so bad...... but what are you gonna do? my children aren't the only ones there. Please, You need to let it go. That mother seems like she was just waiting for an excuse to take her son out. Was this little one happy there all the other times? did you love him and treat him good? of course you did. You did the best you could with what you have. You are only one person. I hope that you don't feel bad for much longer. You make children happy and safe every day. Incidents happen from time to time. Look at my adorable little klutz's. Life happens. Accidents happen. Feel better soon, ok? And if anyone is concered about my kids, don't be. They loved every minute they were there. They were loved at that daycare, and would still be there today if we hadn't moved.

Jennifer - posted on 02/04/2010

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You just have to realize that they are children and they are going to get hurt. Kids fall, get bruises, and cuts. When my daughter was 9mo. old, she actually got a broken leg a daycare provider's house. My daughter loved to sneak up on people when she crawled. She was very quiet about it (not like my boys who babbled and slammed their hands and knees down when they crawled). One day the babysitter was looking in a cupboard and my daughter snuck up behind her, and when the babysitter stepped back to close the cupboard door, she stepped on her leg. The babysitter called me right away and after a couple days in the hosp.(only because they had to wait a couple days for the swelling to go down to put a cast on) we got to come home and see the babysitter again. I completely understood that it was an accident and I continued taking my daughter to her. Don't blame your self and don't blame the child's mom. It may have been incredibly difficult for her to have her son in daycare to begin with and because of that, she will use anything as an excuse to not bring him. Deep down she probably knows that it was a complete accident and that it could have happened anywhere.

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